Do we stay near our family or move somewhere we like?

And so do I - wish you well; you have some very difficult decisions to make and I fully appreciate how daunting the thought of moving can be. I do hope you find a solution - wiser folk than me have given you much to consider.

It's hard isn't it - but if your family are not settling in one place for good then you could finish up trailing round after them like packages. You ned some security in your life as you get older - friends and activities and familiar places.

One thing I will say and that is the older I get the more I hate winter and sometimes wish I lived somewhere with a kinder climate. You might miss the warmth if you move back .

I presume you are keeping up to speed with house prices in the UK too hondagirl? The longer you leave it the higher the prices look like going so you may need to consider that when deciding what to do. Rentals are following the same rising prices.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do - it's a major decision and only you and DH can make it. Lots of sensible pointers on here. If you are like me, once you have made the decision you will feel less stressed. You don't have a crystal ball to see what the future holds and can only try and think of all the issues and go from there.

I have an Australian friend who lives in Holland. Her job and her husband are in Holland, her family in Australia. She has had to ask to be allowed to only work for six months of the year, doing a sort of job share, because although her brother and sister both still live in Australia she had never ever imagined that they would both more or less refuse to do much to help out with their parents as they both gradually became ill. Her father is now in a wheelchair and her mother has dementia, although it seems to be progressing fairly slowly at this stage.

This is the third year running that she has spent the entire six months running herself ragged, sorting out care, dentist appointments, cleaners, decorating, sorting out their clothing, buying new appliances and their finances. To say nothing of the cost of the flights and car hire. I shan't go into why her siblings refuse to help, but in an ideal world she would ship them back to Holland with her but of course they won't go. It's fascinating to watch what living all over the world can do to a family, I suppose the only system that ever really worked was when none of us ever moved more than two miles from our immediate families, and we all know how claustrophobic that could feel. the payoff however, was the care provided when needed.

I feel for you, having to make such a choice. I really don't know what I would do. Your SiL could skip off to Hong Kong in a few years' time though. Anywhere, really. He has to go where the work is. I do hope you get on well with him.

Humbertbear, we have tried to integrate a little and hubby plays bridge and we have met one or two people that way. It is quite difficult at our age though as most people our age have their own families and lives. The young ones seem to find it much easier when they emigrate as of course they are all in the same boat. My daughter and family have their own friends who they met at one of the meetups for new immigrants, but of course they are all around their own age.

We have been discussing again this evening, (after the tennis!) as the exchange rate is currently rapidly improving, ie we would now get more Oz dollars for our pounds. Hubby pointed out we may need to act and bring our house money over to take advantage of the situation or we might miss out. I hate being forced into a decision.

I think I need to go back to the UK for that holiday and if we still had family there I think I would be happy to stay there as it is home after all and we could get a nicer house - I really don't like Australian houses. However we don't have close family and our son could end up anywhere so we would still be on our own.

I've never been to Australia but have got an impression, from speaking to people about it, that it's a country for the young that doesn't cater very well for the elderly.

Tegan - an earlier post of yours said '.....you have to question whether they are as committed to you as you are to them'. Do you think our children are EVER as committed to us as we are to them? It hasn't been my experience that they are. This isn't a criticism of them by the way, it's just how it is. I was the same with my parents.

I suppose the only system that ever really worked was when none of us ever moved more than two miles from our immediate families

We think that in the olden days our forebears stayed near their families and never moved far, but in fact they did. Delving into family history has given me an insight into just how far some of my ancestors travelled in search of work. This has also been pointed out at some NT properties we have visited - they have put some old census records on display showing just how far some of the domestic and outside staff had come to work in these 'big houses'.
Fascinating!

Australian houses are different, you are right there hondagirl!
The other thing I have noticed when we have been over there is that they socialise with friends and family but don't join clubs or suchlike to meet new people, although I have just googled and found this (if you were thinking of moving to the Brisbane area):
www.u3abrisbane.org.au/

We went to a National Trust property and was taken round the kitchens by a guide who said that kitchen maids had to work in houses a long way from home because it stopped them running home [which they wanted to do ]. I've often wondered how people knew where the work was in the days before letters and phones.

Yes rosequartz - some did, but they had more children and some were expected to stay. Looking back through my and DS's ancestors, the ones who moved away did so because there wasn't always enough work on the farms/silk factories to support them. The older ones worked in the family businesses, at least one girl would end up living at home and helping her mother and possibly never marrying, the younger ones would have to leave. I found DBH sobbing one night because one youngest son had ended up in the poorhouse!

Thanks for the link rosequartz. Yes, I had already been looking at this. If we move to Queensland we are intending to move to the Sunshine Coast where there are a lot of retirees and so likely to be more going on for us in the way of a social life. I feel this is very important if we have no immediate family close by.

Yes, you are right Tegan, Australia is certainly geared up for the young and especially WA.

I agree KatyK, I think we are more devoted to our children than they are to us. It's just the nature of things I guess. I suppose also it is really the grandchildren I will miss most.

I am divorced and now live on my own. My children and grandchildren at present live 150 miles away and we regularly take turns to drive to each other to stay for weekends Friday night to Sunday afternoon. I'm very close to my children ( they don't see their father, long story) and my grandchildren are the treasure in my life. In 3 years time I am retiring and am going to buy myself a small flat within walking distance of them. They have every intention of staying where they are and never moving but wherever they lived I would choose to move to be near them Skype is good I use it now but nothing beats being part of their lives.

hondagirl I do understand. It's easy for me to say. I have one granddaughter who is close by and I would be devastated if we didn't see her regularly. I hope you find a solution.

Huge as Australia is [I can't quite comprehend it but am going there nest year so I'll see for myself] I think that you'd feel closer to your grandchildren if you stayed in Australia albeit still being a long way from them. So, taking an outsiders point of view it seems you need to put down roots and make a new life for yourselves there as they are obviously going to move around a lot. If you end up having to skype the grandchildren a lot of the time you'll still feel closer to them if you're in the same hemisphere.

If it were me, I would still be staying there until I got citizenship, dual nationality and two passports then decide what to do.

Tegan the whole of Europe will fit easily into Australia with some to spare!
I have DC and DGC here and over there (and the ones over there are a plane journey apart).
It is very difficult but we have never lived there, just go for extended stays.