Christmas !

I'm with the nay-sayers. The daughter and her boyfriend are family (well he's not quite there, but you know what I mean) and likely to respect both home and privacy. I came home to the gut wrenching wreck of my house some years ago when dd's 'friends' had let rip and ignored her pleas to behave or leave. Even without that horror story, it's not fair to make someone worry their way through a rare Christmas break that's meant to be a treat. Stick to your guns! The hangers on may be very nice, but this is not the time to have them come visit.

Simple answer, NO.
We rented a furnished house once, my husband looked into the owners writing desk which contained private letters and much to my disgust read them. Some people just cannot help themselves. I learned to respect other people's privacy as a child when I realised my mother and aunts didn't give a damn.

If you have reservations about her, but letting her come anyways with BF, that's a big step and you have reasons for not just totally trusting her judgment to extend to friends that she may have no control over. Workmates? Friends from student days?

Some are mature at 24. Some are not mature at 42.

You know your daughter best...

No, no and thrice no. I got terribly upset and asked for advice on this very website due to my husband agreeing to his grandson and one friend (who he thought was a boy) staying in a tent overnight in our garden. 11 youths turned up and no-one apart from me had the guts to say no.

It nearly ended in a divorce, due to the noise, the girls, the alcohol and the complaints from neighbours. The mother of the boy was unaware of the problems because my husband wouldn't let on. Please say no and don't even give a reason why.

I think that this is your decision and that you've made it. You know your daughter and the friends she is likely to have, and if it would spoil your break then don't do it.
If you do weaken then insist on them sorting out the beds and laundry and not leaving the oven in a dirty state. Some housework and oven cleaning might just put them off anyway.

As a starter I cannot understand why you are not taking your daughter with you for Christmas anyway particularly if she always spends Christmas with you. If I were her I would be feeling very hurt.
Is there some kind of history here I wonder?
If no history then this will probably affect the future much more than you realise. It says you don't trust her, her judgement or her sense of responsibility or her choice of friends - and probably a few other things too! You brought her up so whatever is it that you have failed to instil in your daughter that makes her so untrustworthy?
Are there so many things in your house that you cannot bear anyone to see or that you can't put somewhere securely out of the way?
Whether you realise it or not you are actually saying that your possessions are more important than your relationship with your daughter.
If I were you I would cancel the Christmas hotel and enjoy a family Christmas and then go off for a hotel break afterwards. Too much angst otherwise!

No, definitely no. You are supposed to be having an enjoyable, relaxing break, it won't be if you are worrying about what is going on back at home. I would not want strangers in my house when I was absent.

I totally agree with Synonamous here The original post is shrieking out that you don't trust your fully grown daughter who s not a 16 year old but 24 most of us had our own homes and families by that age
Secondly if it's about possessions lock them away I have one bedroom that locks so when I go away anything I don't want touched goes in there You can fit a lock in an hour on your bedroom door so it must be more than that
Thirdly if you had already made your mind up that's it's a step too far for you and your husband why do you need justification from others on here

I know my children would never bring friends they didn't trust to have respect for our house. If you trust your daughter, Glamdram, then it should be fine, even if she brings a dozen friends!

We've often had complete strangers in our home - on houseswapping holidays within the uk and abroad. Never had any problem with it - except making our house clean and tidy enough for them to come!
I agree with others - it depends whether you feel you can trust your daughter and bf - without knowing them its difficult to know. I would certainly have let my daughter at that age!

I had DD plus friends 8 in all staying one New Year admittedly they were all Married but I found it really heartwarming how grateful they were. They cleared up beautifully .

I feel that if trusted and a few ground rules put down should be fine!

Perhaps you could invite all four to stay for a weekend before Christmas. That would give you time to decide if the other couple are who you would want in your home. Don't have any qualms about saying NO - it's your home - your castle.

But they are not 'strangers' are they? Your daughter knows them and can presumably vouch for them

Let them come, but provide their own things, you must trust them. We have a holiday home, and do let people who we know slightly, rent it for a while,I am never worried they would be opening drawers etc, I am sure they wouldnt, and they leave the house in pristine condition. Maybe I am lucky!

I am totally bemused by these postings. Due to unforeseen circumstances we left our (then) 18 year old daughter and 16 year old son alone with the cat and dog for a fortnight whilst we went on holiday with younger daughter and her friend. We came back to an intact and very clean house, cat and dog in good health and no obvious signs of any parties that may have occurred. It has always been our opinion that if you give your children responsibility they will rise to the challenge. Also, what's the problem with daughter's friends coming? All our kids knew they could bring friends into the house, unlike a lot of their friends whose parents wouldn't allow friends round. Consequently, we knew all their friends and trusted them to treat our house with respect. Still, each to their own I suppose.

A definite YES From me. I'd be delighted to have someone looking after the house while we were away and as for them reading letters and looking in drawers? What harm would that do? You could tidy away any private stuff into a box in the attic and let them all make themselves at home. I was always happy to know my daughter was in our home than someone else's ?

Personally I would allow a daughter of that age to stay with friends and would not be concerned about a little extra washing, assuming you believe she is likely to keep the house clean and tidy. My 2 sons aged around 40 still live at home and they have to be left if I go away and I know I will come home to some mess - one of them gets worse with age! If I were in your position, I would feel that my daughter should have people around her for Xmas if she wants if I was going away then. Obviously everyone feels differently and it's your house and your choice.

I think maybe the OP is hoping for some other reasons from Gransnet posters which she could use to explain to her daughter why she would feel uncomfortable with strangers in the house, when they come to discuss the refusal later on between them.

She had agreed to daughter and boyfriend staying whilst they were away, so the concern is over the two friends she does not know, and possibly that they might bring more friends too?

I think my reaction would be to ask to meet the two friends, and if they agree to come to a meal, then run through a few ground rules and expectations and see how that goes. Tell them you love your daughter and want her to have a lovely Christmas, but you need to rest easy about your home. No smoking in the house, no drugs, perhaps washing and making up the beds, cleaning bathrooms and hoovering, getting in fresh milk and bread for you on your return. Plus agreeing to a Skype call on Christmas day. If they don't come, then obviously you would not be happy.

It is a long time till Christmas, you don't want this hanging over you from now until then with your daughter, breakdown in family relationships causes far more worry and distress than a few days over Christmas.

But only you know your daughter. If she lives a hovel, then I can fully understand your reluctance!

And if she lives in a hovel, why would the OP be willing for her and her boyfriend to stay?

The OP seems adamant that she doesn't want the hassle or worry of having two extra guests, so that's what she needs to tell her daughter.

When we go away I let a friend stay in our house. She lives in England and we're in Ireland. She often brings her daughter too. When it was Mothers Day she invited her mother and sister here for a meal. I don't mind at all. She looks after our cat, and we don't have to worry about the house being empty.

Yes, no problem letting any of our children stay in our house. Our son & his family are staying over New Year to look after our dog and would be welcome to have their friends to stay as well.

I wouldn't have any problem with the daughter and her boyfriend but definitely not with the 2 extras. As a rule,I would never have anyone staying in my house that I didn't know.

Spangles but if you met them before and liked them ( the other two I mean ) they wouldn't be strangers
I used to let rooms to students one time a young 18 year old lad came to ask me if I would rent him a room I told him I was going away the next day so to come back in two weeks time he told me he literally had no where to go. I liked him and made a mad snap tjudgement, ( I m never normally decisive or take chances I m a cautious person) anyway he paid me two weeks up front I gave him his bedroom showed him where everything was kept, gave him a key and went on holiday overseas when I came back everything was perfect he stayed with me for about two years and was a lovely lad his step dad had killed his mum hence the reason he was homeless I ve never regretted taking him in

Sounds as if your first Christmas away is getting mucked up already. Either way your decision is causing complications.

No. Your house, your ornaments, your booze, your food cupboard, your neighbours who you have to continue to live next to if they were noisy into the night, ..... and your private stuff. If you're not happy inviting them, then don't.