Doing too much ?

Hello forestgirl, I truly feel for you with your difficult daughter issues as I have a very difficult daughter of my own. It seems to me that your daughter wants to have her cake and eat it. As I see it she wants you to take the children away to the cottage for the half term holiday, but is being difficult about looking after the horse(s) because she wants to go to a party which is out of the area. Whilst I appreciate that it is nice for parents to get a break sometimes and engage in activities that are child free, if the usual deal is that you take the children to the cottage and she looks after the horse in return, then really I feel she should honour that. However, maybe she would be willing to compromise, I know to my cost that not all are, but maybe she could go to the party and you take care of the children for a night or two at your home or at her home. That way you could continue to care for your horse, but she must care for her own children during the half term holiday. However, both you and the children would lose the opportunity to spend half term at the cottage. I don't know if that would work or not. Whatever you decide to do, I feel for you. Good luck, and take care of yourself.

forestgirl .

I think your daughter is being rather ungrateful. If you usually take your grandchildren away then why couldn't she say if she had other plans. She should be lucky she has someone safe to leave her children with. There are people in reputable magazines who house and or animal sit who are very trustworthy.
It isn't much to ask your daughter to do in return. Could she let you know about the children's school holidays or give you a printed copy and let you know the time she'd like to do something.

I think the scenario suggested by notanan sounds likely.

forestgirl4 says she has worked out a compromise for this time and will re-think how she makes future arrangements with her daughter.
Sounds like it's all sorted!

forestgirl can you have the DGC at your home just this once, so that you can continue to look after your animals and your DD can go to the party? Do you have to take them away?

Then sort out some mutually acceptable arrangements for the future.

I think, as notanan said, it is a communication problem.

I have re-read - OK so it's not a "special" party, but a party nonetheless.

I do not understand why you and your daughter cannot come to an amicable arrangement over something so simple which benefits her by allowing her to have some free time, and benefits you by allowing you to see your grandchildren.

Failing that, why doesn't your daughter pay for a proper babysitter or a friend to babysit when she wants to go out?

I must say, I feel a bit castigated now, after your somewhat pedantic comment - a party is a party, whether "special" or not and involves some degree of effort by hosts, so in my view all parties are special.

I obviously should get out more !!!!

i wonder if you dont take the children away for a few months your DD may finally understand just how fortunate she is to have such a lovely Mum

Well you see the problem with that is that the OP simply cannot go to her "bolt hole" without her daughters help with her horses. So she's not going to do that, because it's actually not such a one way situation.

From the daughter's POV she frequently helps her mum to have a get away, and she wants a get away this once and it was a problem, so really I don't think it's all that one sided.

It doesn't matter how major or minor the party is, the daughter will have made arrangements, RSVPed, and will be upset if she now has to let those plans down after thinking her mum said she'ld help her go - which is 50% her own fault as she should have been clear at the start that she was asking for babysitting, and not asking her mum if she wanted to have the kids - which would imply she could have them at home or at the holiday home.

Happy to hear its orted

Sorted

Well what a bad tempered fuss over nothing, of course children/animal care should work both ways, when you air a problem you are asking merely for opinions ,different or otherwise, not to be treated like some sort of monster. I have only just joined this group but if this is anything to go by I think I will leave it,

Your daughter is very fortunate in my opinion to have the chance for some time without her children. What is her solution to the perceived problem? Would she like less time on her own? Would she like you to stop taking her children away for holidays? Or for you to have her children at your house, thus foregoeing your break?