Birthday gifts

I find anyone not sending a card or present for their mothers and grndmothers birthdays especially a 60th unfathonable. You took them all out for a meal and they were incredibly mean spirited. I would stop the presents and the cards, they obviously don't rate them, if you want to take them for meals carry on as you're keeping up with their news and see them. If it were me first I would have to mention how it hurts you though but I know other's will say you dont give to receive but they seem to do it for others, why are you not supposed to care? I am very generous with family and give money and presents, help with their holidays etc. get little back but they do get something, this will be the last though, it's worn me out this year and I rarely hear from them. I do feel unwanted now I'm old, I realise how much friends family care and are there. So in future it will be cards and if I see them money. I have done it all my life and realise I did it to feel connected.

I can understand the grandchildren not remembering but not your children. That is just plain rude. I would never,ever have done that to my parents but I have to admit I didn’t even know when my grandparent’s birthdays were. They are a step removed so I wouldn’t be concerned about that.

They buy for your ex and ex wife.

Do they blame you for the split?

They are mean and thoughtless....I'm not surprised you feel taken for granted

I’d be more than miffed Jaxh. I know there’s two sides to every story, but on the face of it - they’ve all been very unkind and thoughtless. Did they think you were taking them out for a TGiFriday or a Super Saturday? They must’ve known - I knew my DGM’s birthday off by heart - still do, 11/11 - I adored her.
Unfortunately, my motto (one of many) is two wrongs, etc so I’m not sure if I’d stop gifts and cards to them - maybe cut back to just a card and see how they react?
I’ll be interested to see what other GNs have to say.

That’s a real shame and very very thoughtless They obviously took the meal out which you paid for as
‘THE’ celebrations
No I wouldn’t stop sending to them but I think I d let them knows how upset and disappointed you were and how invisible you feel I do really think they need to know that or else they will always think it’s ok

Very very thoughtless and I can totally empathise with you disappointment

I would be furious 😡 especially if they treated your Ex and his wife , to all the goodies. Jaxh - I am in a similar position, although I do not know what they do for my Ex and his wife. I know my d.i.l.s are quite cosy with her. I spend a good amount on my DC and the GC. I live alone, so perhaps I rely on them for company and am therefore very generous.
No, I wouldn’t stop the gifts and cards.

It does seem very thoughtless.

Have you at any stage said that you dont want presents.

Do you get christmas presents and/or cards from them?

How do you know what the ex and wife get?

I find this hard to understand as well Jaxh your family enjoyed your hospitality and yet didn't so much as buy you a card, thoughtless and selfish.
If they blame you for your first marriage breakdown why are they taking from you now. I can understand how hurt you must feel.
I would be inclined to talk to them about it rather than let things fester but I know not everyone likes confrontation.

Are you close enough to one of them to ask the reason why they did this?

It seems odd as they buy for your ex and his wife, is this the first time you have not been given a gift? Did you say to one of them that you didn’t want anything?

If it is because they are selfish and thoughtless I would not buy for them again.

I would simply do nothing for them at Christmas, and if they comment say that as you got no recognition of your 60th birthday, not even a card. you assumed that you were all going to stop sending presents to each other.

That would be my response as well MOnica but it may well cause a rift.

"I always make myself available for them for baby sitting, helping them out when I can, I work full time."

It seems that you have given them grounds to take you for granted. Maybe they see you as 'part of the furniture' which says more about them than about you.
My advice is to make yourself scarce. Could you arrange to go away for Christmas and let them know it's time you did something for yourself for a change? If it's too late to do that, just 'forget' the presents and cards and treat yourself to something you've denied yourself in the past.

That's awful

I had a similar situation recently It was my 70th. Went out for lunch,hubby paid. Eldest son flew in especially from Spain. Flowers,champagne,card and a beautiful gold Scorpio charm from him and my granddaughter. My disabled daughter gave me a beautiful card, a cup with a lovely saying on it,candles and a key ring with MUM .My youngest son and his wife gave me a bunch of flowers and a bottle of prosecco from the M & S opposite the restaurant. No card.They seemed surprised it was a big birthday,don't know why. The thing that hurt the most was when his dad was 70 he bought him a fishing permit costing over £300 and borrowed the money from me to buy his own ticket to accompany his dad. I've helped him out financially lots of times over the years and was grandma daycare before covid and I just felt like I wasn't worth a bit of thought and something nice. Oh well. Live and learn

Jaxh all I got is a txt on the day as we went out a few days beforehand for dinner.

You did hear from them? By text, on your Birthday? And that makes you feel I don't really want to do much for them as I feel taken for granted.

Well, you feel as you feel - but don't cut off your nose.

Comparing relationships never ever works out.

M0nica

I would simply do nothing for them at Christmas, and if they comment say that as you got no recognition of your 60th birthday, not even a card. you assumed that you were all going to stop sending presents to each other.

I think I would do the same as M0nica but I would get it out of the way long before Christmas as I wouldn’t want a scene when they were visiting on the day.
I’m so sorry for you, I’d feel bad too. DS forgot to send me Mother’s Day flowers years ago, it got mentioned in a jokey way and now it has actually become a family joke and no ill feelings at all. As for the ex and his wife don’t go down that rabbit hole, it’s not a competition. Honestly I would feel it too but I try very hard not to!

I understand your hurt. I would not say anything, just cut out all presents but send cards. You have made a doormat of yourself.

It’s shocking!
Use your words….tell them how upset you are…I certainly would and have done in the past when one of my children did not remember Mother’s Day…I told him how thoughtless he was and it really upset me…he’s never forgotten since!

Oh come on! A txt on your 60th birthday is not good enough! No card or present off anyone! You must have very low expectations of your adult children!

Bugbabe2019

Oh come on! A txt on your 60th birthday is not good enough! No card or present off anyone! You must have very low expectations of your adult children!

That was for Norah!

Rise above it is my advice ! I used to get miffed at a similar situation but the tide has turned by now and having kept on giving for years - I feel I'm finally being appreciated. It's taken time but life is too short to hold grudges.

Jaxh I’d be very upset not to receive a present on my bday. I help my sons and their little families so much. I’m 61 and look after my grandchildren 4 days a week from 7.30 to 5 pm and I love it, no payment wanted. But I do expect a gift on my bday Easter & Christmas. I do send a list with a message saying! Just incase you want to buy this lovely mam nanna a gift here’s a list of things I’d appreciate. And if I didn’t receive a gift, I’d be phoning my sons for sure!

Definitely get cards here. I have said gifts are not for me but I prefer time so I ask they arrange dates. I don’t always get them……