Should grandparents drink alcohol while babysitting

silverfoxygran - you have a lovely DD.

Madness to be so outraged by such a small thing. I regularly babysat with a glass of wine - or even godforbid two - it didn't bother my babies nicely tucked up and asleep!

Now, smoking - definitely not under any circumstances ......

When I babysit my DD always leaves a bottle of wine for me and DH to enjoy once the GC are asleep. I would never have more than a glass as I realise the need for a clear head but the bottom line is she trusts me.

This thread has been going a long time. I think a glass of wine is OK but don't get absolutely sloshed while babysitting. I'm sure most parents have the odd drink while they are in charge of their own children. The exception of course would be if the baby or child sleeps with you but if in their own bed then it is fine.

I'm not sure that the driving thing is quite so central as all that. I have never driven but have done lots of babysitting. Fortunately, there has never been a medical emergency – although I have often babysat for a child who wasn't well. Had there been an emergency, I would have called an ambulance.

I know, but I hope BenandJerrys has read through our comments and thinks about where the real problem lies. Her in-laws live nearby, clearly are more than happy to help with childcare and yet she risks shutting them out altogether.She could make the poimt about at least one of them being able to drive legally in an emergency or get her partner to have a word, but the issue saddens me. Seems there is a deeper problem here which needs addressing.

Totally agree, goldengirl..said the same when the thread started and feel quite strongly about it. It's a much greater responsibility looking after someone elses child than your own imo.

I'm afraid I agree with BenandJerrys. I babysit a lot and certainly wouldn't have a glass of wine. I feel very responsible when I baby sit and think that even a small glass might impair my faculties as it would if I were driving and if anything happened I would never forgive myself. Of course with my own children I had a drink with a meal from time to time but I wouldn't expect a baby sitter to have a drink whoever they are. It's different looking after your own children but these are someone else's albeit family.

I sympathise in a way to the young lady's point and her fear as regards alcohol, it must be very difficult to grow up with a Mother that has problems with drink, and it definitely must cause anxiety for her as to whether her in laws are capable of looking after her baby ( even though it may be a glass or two of wine )
BUT have I got it wrong...when my husband and I were young and went out with friends for a meal and a few drinks...I would like to believe we were still capable of seeing to our children's needs when we returned ( I'm sure my mother who babysat on these occasions would have put us both right if we weren't..

So my assumption to this post is that this young lady in a way is overreacting..all be it because of her own experiences.

I myself would feel hurt if my daughter thought that me and her dad was not capable of looking after our grandson because of a couple of glasses of wine, (even though we very rarely drink at home).

I do hope you resolve this and see social drinking for what it is, and not what you yourself have experienced. best wishes x

Sorry about all the typos above, my laptop doesn't seem to like using the letter "v" so certain words should have read "drive" "would" and "ever" also "your". oops

Like many of you I brought up our children with the benefit of a glass of wine if I felt like it, but I suppose, in those days, money was tight and we tended only to have wine when we had friends round. However, when our GS has stayed with us I have been aware that I would have to be able to drie in an emergency, so 1 glass is all I wold eer have, if that. I can see your sensitivity to the whole alcohol question, and allied to the natural feelings regarding your first-born, shall we say I can understand and sympathise, but see a major potential problem with your relationshiop with your in-laws. Is y our DH a normal well-adjusted chap? They brought him up so can't you trust them with your baby? I think Luna has a point about over-reaction but I can understand why you perhaps don't have a straightforward attitude to social drinking.
I think it goes deeper than the 1 glass of wine and you need to talk through how you feel and not just shut the GPs out for something really minor.

Calm down dear ! you will blow a gasket

Good god! Your MIL has a glass of wine...she has your FIL with her babysitting so its not as if she is alone in charge of an infant...you are only away for 1.5 hours..............suddenly your mothers alcohol problems are looming to the fore and your poor MIL is suddenly a dangerous lush, unfit to care for your baby!

Oh, well ok..I exaggerate, but honestly!

CHILL woman!

Get your DH to tackle her about it..she will no doubt be extremely upset and offended...I know I would be!
But you will have made it clear how you expect her to behave if she babysits again...

Its ONE glass of wine for goodness sakes!

If she had been lying snoring on the sofa clutching an empty bottle then I would agree of course that it was unacceptable....

Regarding, grandparents drinking when babysitting - is there any evidence that this is a danger to the children? Obviously getting totally sloshed might present a problem, but otherwise? If there is no evidence, then the issue is not whether or not grandparents + a glass of wine apiece are unsuitable babysitters, but why it so strongly affects BenandJerry.

BenandJerry has explained that the reason she was so affected was because she had an alcoholic mother, and I can see that this is very significant. But
if it affects her judgement on more or less unrelated matters (such as grandparents having a glass of wine whilst babysitting), then her mother's illness has become her problem - and a problem that perhaps she should deal with before it affects her judgement regarding her children.

How is BenandJerrys going to handle her own children as teenagers when they (almost inevitably) are going to want to experiment with drinking?

We all manage to load our children with our own emotional baggage, whatever the reason we have it, but surely it is something we should at least try to avoid?

To be healthy mentally ourselves is probably the best gift we can give our children. I suffered agonisingly from anxiety and panic attacks, from as far back as I can remember. I have not really got to the bottom of why I have had such difficulties, but I think it may have something to do with the fact that my father had them, and responded by creating an atmosphere of anxiety around me. Anxiety, in other words, became something of a way of life for my childhood.

Thinking about that, I did everything I could to prevent my children from realising my mental state. I did tell them eventually, when they were both adults, and both of them responded with real surprise.

My elder daughter tends to get a bit uptight, but, thankfully, her mental health is strong, and she, like her sister, has been able to pursue her course in life without any psychological hang-ups preventing her. True, they have a beautifully laid-back father, but all the same, I do take some of the credit myself for managing to disguise my emotional baggage.

I know it is a different set of circumstances, but perhaps something BenandJerry should start thinking about.

I would not be happy with the MIL drinking while looking after my child, just as i would not be happy if a babysitter was drinking while looking after my child, I would make it clear as she knows your house is a non-alcohol area anyway that drinking while babysitting will not be tolerated

Maybe it would be better to get a babysitter?

My view is that grandparents should not interfere with the way parents raise their children. The grandparents have to relinquish control and let the parents do it their way.

Equally, I think parents should not ask grandparents to babysit if they don't have confidence in them. If you want them to care for your children, you have to relinquish control and let them do it their way.

I agree with you, I wouldn't want anyone looking after my children to drink. But the solution in my mind is, therefore I wouldn't ask these grandparents to look after my children. It doesn't have to be a disagreement. I would let the grandparents come when the children are awake, and play with them and enjoy them rather than having to be responsible for them.

B&J
From reading the previous posts - I agree that your DH should be the one to have a word with his mother about this.
I think you have a right to expect that someone who agrees to babysit should not drink alcohol.It is a perfectly reasonable expectation.
If they think they should be allowed to drink then you would have to accept they are not suitable to ask anymore and they should accept this without taking offence.

All the comments have been very interesting and good to get different viewpoints. I would like to say that I have not accused my MIL of being an alcoholic and nor was is it implied. (but I guess thats open to how you interpret the post).
Pigletmania - to answer your question, no, I dont drink alcohol at all neither does DH, so there is no situation of it's okay for us to do it but not them.
Expat Maggie - I wouldn't leave my child with a schoolgirl babysitter and I do not need to grow up thankyou. I have every right as the parent to request that no matter who is looking after my child that they do not drink alcohol, just as many would ask a smoker not to smoke around or in the same room as a baby. In case you missed it, my mother was an alcoholic, so unless you have lived with that or had first hand experience of alcohol abuse you would not understand why I have little tolerance for it. Not all alcoholics are drunk after breakfast as maxgran mentioned. They can be very clever at fooling people into believing they dont have a problem.
The OP was not asking if I was being unreasonable (should have posted in relationships probably) but was asking how I handle the situation and for that I received some excellent feedback.

Expatmaggie
It is perfectly possible to be drunk after a half bottle of wine. You may not be sloshed but your judgement is impaired and your reaction time is slower.
Also, its naive to think that people with a drink problem drink at breakfast and not just in the evening. I know a few people who have a drink problem who only drink in the evenings.

I don't think one glass of wine is going to pose any great danger but if the rest of the bottle is there it may be tempting to have more. I love a glass of wine - but I would not have any if I was babysitting my grandchildren - It would be terrible if anything happened to them and my Son or daughter blamed me drinking alcohol for whatever happened ! Its not worth the risk

notso, I did EXACTLY the same thing!

I used to have an afternoon siesta on the sofa with 2 youngest and set the timer on the cooker to wake me up to collect eldest from school.

jackyann, and jolly good advice it was! Essentially a little siesta.

Oh baggythecrust! When I trained as a midwife (early 70s, only 40 years ago!) we used to say that mums needed an afternoon rest to keep the milk supply up in the evening.
We used to say "now, after Listen with Mother (1.45) put your feet up with a glass of Guiness and listen to Woman's Hour (2-3 back then) before you get the older children from school"
It's not just the Guiness that dates that advice but the absence of hundreds of daytime channels on the TV!!!!!!!

i do like a little drop of the hard stuff but NEVER drink any alcohol when i am responsible for the kiddiewinks, even when they are safely tucked in for the night.

Oh Jogginggirl that is a road I didn't want to go down. So many babies have had a drop of Whiskey to get them off to sleep in the good old days.
I never did it but I came very near to it.

When I had my first baby it was the custom to stay in hospital for five days. One of the attempts to encourage people to breast-feed was to offer the mums Guiness or other stout ale to help the milk flow, they said. I don't like dark ale so I didn't have it (besides, I'd already decided to bf), but the kind nurses used to bring me milk and toast during the night feed. So nice.