Should grandparents drink alcohol while babysitting

I agree hilda but MIL needs the chance to explain, and to get things out in the open as things can fester!

Heres hoping I dont sound too smug but I never have anything vaguely alchoholic when in sole charge of a baby...whether it was my own or anyone elses. I've always seen it as a very simple precautionary thing....when you have sole care of anyone...you just might need to drive or make a judgement call of some sort and therefore be totally in control. I enjoy a glass or two like anyone...even three sh! but never on duty, its just never dawned on me to do otherwise.

x post again sorry - I can understand that, but bring the subject up with MIL and explain you were concerned.

ben its only natural that you will be concerned leaving your new baby, but she must be deperate to take a small part in his life, it is a special time getting to know your grandchildren, dont be too quick in cutting her off, give her the opportunity her explain herself! Is she aware of the problems with your mum!

xpost again glass or two, apologies. My inlaws don't know about my mums drinking and I'm reluctant to mention it to them as she has been sober since she had a stroke 10 years ago. I'm still sensitive after all this time. It was kept very hush hush in my family and even now the drinking is not mentioned. A part of me feels it would be unfair to let them know that for something that was probably a one off situation.

glassortwo - yes it is my first born but only the 2nd time I had left him. She had him alone for a couple of hours during the day the week before at her request, (we usually visit as a family). I'm sure she doesn't have a drink problem and she had none with her meal (we don't have any in the house). FIL went and got the wine after we had left.

ben sorry x posted, you should have mentioned that very important piece of information regarding you Mum, it is understabable that you are sensitive regarding alcohol . But you should still have a talk with MIL and explain your concerns.

I do think you need to bring the subject up with MIL, do not let it fester, that how things get out of hand!

I can understand your concern leaving your 3 month old baby, is it you 1st born and was it the first time you left baby?

Does your MIL have a drink problem that you are aware of ( you mentioned you had given her her meal, lots of people enjoy a glass of wine with a meal) she had just finished work and if it was one glass with her meal I feel you are being unreasonable!

Thanks for your comments ladies. I do trust MIL with LO and want him to enjoy a good relationship with her. I think the issue is more my problem and my views on alcohol. My own mum was an alcoholic in denial which is why I am quite sensitive on the subject. I guess I was just surprised that FIL felt the need to go get a bottle, perhaps if I had seen it before we went out, I wouldn't have felt so uptight about it. I will handle carefully. Many Thanks.

This is a very difficult one. Personally I think if your MIL is having a glass of wine then that's fine. I have brought children up safely while having a glass of wine in the evenings and have grandchildren aged 17, 15 and 7 who I have babysat since they were the age that your little one is now and they too are absolutely blooming despite me having a drink whilst looking after them.

I don't think for one minute your MIL would abuse your trust or put the baby at risk in any way but as to how you approach it with her needs some careful talking about with your husband.

ah but were you PAYING the babysitter????

oh, don't worry I could argue that black is blue if I so had the mind.

No, I wouldn't be happy about this situation. If you don't have alcohol in the house then you aren't, presumably, drinkers and I can see that you COULD have cause for concern her 1.falling asleep 2.dropping baby 3. breathing her foul fumes over baby. I have never had alcohol in the house other than to be consumed with a celebration meal and wouldn't appreciate anyone else bringing theirs in. Particularly if they had been 'in charge' of my children.

How to deal with this ... I think there is no point 'hinting' and leaving her not sure what really is going on. You have to deal with it head on, so to speak, if you feel strongly enough about it.

If it worries you that much BenandJerrys, say so. For goodness sake, don't let this be one of those things that fester with no one saying a word until it's totally out of hand and family ties are shattered. You could certainly upset your mother-in-law – she might well unfairly feel accused of heavy drinking, irresponsibility, all sorts of stuff – but a reasonable and calm chat about your concerns and her picture could resolve a slightly tricky situation. Give it some thought before you speak to her. Does she, for example, habitually drink a lot so that she would not be trustworthy with a small child after a couple of hours and a couple or more glasses? If not, perhaps you are being unreasonable. Do you feel so protective about your little one – understandably, I know – that you reckon any substitute is not up to snuff. You do seem rather heavily disapproving of one glass of wine – would you have worried that one cup of coffee would have turned her hyper? I am also slightly disturbed by the phrase in your posting "If I was paying a babysitter … You're not and that certainly doesn't mean second best, but the phrase suggests that you are looking at your mother-in law in a way that doesn't say family, friend, important person in my life, my husband's life, my child's life – someone I know and trust. You do need to sort this out – but do think carefully before you speak.