My daughter in law is inept and useless as a mum.

Think so, Annobel! What a cheeky mare Modesty is!

My goodness there can't be much to add and the posts are too many to go through in detail. My daughter who has studied the research and does what Modesty's DIL does, tells me that in fact the outcomes of the different styles are much the same.
My mother was very routine oriented (they had books in those days which told them that picking the baby up between [4 hourly] feeds was spoiling etc etc).
I started off loosely routine oriented but gradually by observation and reading, came to the conclusion that leaving babies to cry was harmful to them, that crying was for a reason and was intended to encourage us to respond. While the 2 eldest of my 6 never came into our bed, things gradually relaxed (anything to get some sleep was quite a driver.....) and the youngest slept mostly with us until she was about 3.5, and breastfed for 4 years. They are all independent adults and are fortunate in this day and age to own their own homes.
I still can't believe it isn't harmful for a baby to be (as it must seem to her/him) abandoned crying for even 5 minutes never mind for hours. But then there's that research!

Have most Gransnetters come to the conclusion that Modesty has either lost the plot, or what? If Modesty is indeed a real grannie, she needs an honest-to-goodness talking-to from her son. Alternatively, if the posting is meant to be funny...I must have a rubbishy sense humour.

I wonder if Modesty is, in fact, the daughter in law? Trying to see if other MILs would agree with what her MIL has done?

BecauseImWorthIt - Now, that would make some sense.

I think that if Modesty was the DIL she would have owned up by now!

I feel quite sorry for modesty because there can only be 1 loser in this and that will be her

As many are saying this is probably a spoof post. I must admit that I found the first couple of week's topics on here were a bit dull - probably because there weren't enough users. It could be someone's idea of a joke to liven things up. Lets face it - talk of DIL's can be like a red rag to a bull for some!!

P.S. It wasn't you Geraldine was it!!??

I can't help thinking there must be a clue in the name Modesty. But what is it?

I can't help thinking there must be a clue in the name Modesty. But what is it?

PatriciaPT:
there isn't really a contradiction in what your daughter says, and your feelings, if you look at it deeply (as I had to, in my former, working life).

Different regimes don't make a huge difference, as long as they are consistent and the baby is loved (ie: communicated with, responded to & "held in mind"). A very rare episode of not-so-good parenting is also not important in an otherwise well-loved and cared-for child.
Inconsistent regimes and lack of response is what is harmful.
It is also easier to be consistent if you are working within your own cultural framework & supported by others with the same views.

So what "Modesty" did is harmful, but probably not very much so in the overall life of the child (assuming his parents are consistent & caring)

I too, think she was not-for-real, but exactly how, I don't know.
The other similar poster admitted to being the DiL.
I see a particular niche here for this self-selecting group of Grans!

you were baby sitting your grandchild and you shut him in a room and let him scream and you think your daughter in law is unreasonable, you should be ashamed of your behaviour, it boarders on neglect, I woulod be furious in your DIL position, I co sleep with son and did with my two oldest boys they are well balanced charming little boys, I wouldn't let you look after my neighbours cat never mind my child, the idea of a baby sitter is that you can trust them with your child, congratulations you blew that one

I just hope and pray that you never voice your opinions to your DIL. I have 8 children, 3 who are grown up and 5 little ones. I was very strict with the older ones and as time has gone on I've tended towards what made me and my children happy. These days I'm definitely what could be described as a 'crunchy' parent. My youngest is due to turn 4 this month and still sleeps in our bed every night....the older ones are fleeing the nest now and making lives of their own and I hope that they follow the attachment parenting philosophy. It makes for much happier children.
Maybe instead of criticising your DIL you could offer to do some housework for her and help her out more so she can be with her little one as much as she likes, spending more time around them might help you understand how good attachment parenting is for Mother and baby.

I'm afraidf Modesty you should bite your tongue on this. Each parent has their own way raising their children. As mentioned by others as long as they are fed, clean and happy that is all that matters. As for changing her that is totally out of order, she has the right to bring up HER child as she sees fit.

Just read through this thread. A few laughs on the way.
But in Modesty's defence if the little scrap is used to his mum breast feeding him off to sleep every night, he's going to cry when she takes those magic boobies out for the evening isn't he. Not a nice babysitting gig.
I suspect that try as we might we are not going to tempt you back to this thread though Modesty.
It has been a great bonding exercise for everyone else though hasn't it?

Sounds like your dil is a fantastic mother, to call her useless and inept because she does not agree with your style of parenting is and not very nice of you. At the end of the day your gs is your son and dil child not yours, so its up to them how they parent him. I personally could not stand dd being in the same room as me as a baby as every little noice and shuffle would wake her up, she slept better in her own room, but its not up to you to decide. You have to help your dil not drive her away like that.

Why is that Modesty appears to have gone AWOL? Is it because she has nothing better to do than wind us up with a sob story and then sit back and titter as we go spinning around in ever-decreasing circles? Come on Modesty - be considerate...are you a real person - or what?

Have you thought about putting him up the chimney or down the mine? I agree, I could be bothered with breast feeding all hours of the day and night until the child goes to school,but even so...

Modesty
I cannot help thinking you are winding us up ??!

No one could be as judgemental and as unreasonable as you appear to be !

I disagree with my daughter on lots of ways she brings her children up - Lack of routine, lack of consequences, too many treats etc etc,.. but they are her children and she has to do things the way she feels right. Despite the fact we disagree - her children are lovely.

There is nothing you can do to change her,.. Why should she change to get your approval ?? If I were you,.. I would work on changing yourself, before you lose your grandchildren,.. and your son.

Ok Modesty, out yourself, I think you were definately winding us up, and it looks like you succeeded. So come on -'fess up whoever you are!

Hello all
Did Modesty throw in that dreadful post to stir the forum? Some folks hate it when things work well,as this forum does, hence the large wooden spoon. I, for one dont believe a word of it and suggest that she is a one time user and an all time stalker and stirrer. Come on someone close this post, enough now!
Love and hugs

Your daughter in law sounds like a lovely Mother to me!

Frankly if my mother in law had let my child scream i wouldn't be letting her look after him again.

! good grief. i had routine, of a sort with my 4 children, but breast fed on demand, played with them a lot, and yes my house was 'untidy' but then i hate housework! can always find better things to do :] so think you better leave your son and dil to get on with it and just bite your tongue.

Ignore Modesty's booby trap, have you noticed that this is her only post?