6 year old grandson doesnt like me - Help please

Hi Basing23 like you I have never writen on this site before, I had a problem with my 1st GD when she was just a baby my son and Dil would bring her to our home, she was fine with my Husband, but as soon as she heard my voice or saw me she would start wailing, we put it down to the fact she was very poorly as a baby with broncolitis so could only sleep upright, her mum would sit up with her all night while I did the day shift, so her first memories of me (although probably subconcious) was of a time when all was not well in her world. this lasted for about 2 years, she is now 12 and lovely,

Jangley - I do realise that children are children and as such behave differently to the rest of us. I didn't need to 'read the posts more carefully', but thanks for the advise!
I was simply pointing out that, in my experience at work, by the time a lot children are teenagers they treat people with little or no respect for their feelings and don't seem to think it matters what they say or do to others. If this sort of behaviour was dealt with in a different way at a younger age maybe things would be different.
I know that if I had been unkind or hurtful to my grandparents, or indeed any adult, my parents would have been furious with me as would I with my own children. Children need to be taught to respect others right from the start, it's part of teaching them to be better adults surely.
Or maybe it's just me, I don't believe in putting children on pedestals. Too many little price/princesses out there already.

sandra you will love being a grandmother. I can't think of anything I love more. I actually don't put up with any rudeness from any of my five grandchildren and they love me to bits. No one has to be a doormat and children do need to learn at an early age that they need to be polite, kind and nice to other people, whether it's their parents, grandparents, siblings, other adults or their friends. It's the same as sharing, they need to learn that they have to share, these sorts of things are best learnt at an early age.
I always tell all of them that I love them. The five year old is not as affectionate as the others, he is like this with everyone and was not a cuddly baby. He gets kissed and hugged the same as the others, I can't help myself, he moans but puts up with it. He was explaining to me last time I was staying that I could live with them. One thing I will never do and that is to have favourites, I love them all and I always tell them so.
Basing23 recently my grandson didn't want to hold my hand when we were crossing a busy road on the way to school, he was carrying on all the way and he knew I was really cross with him. I felt bad when we arrived at his school and when his mother came home I told her what had happened and she said he had done the same to her father and to her before. My grandson was happy when I picked him up that day, the morning incident forgotten. He is a child and as much as I love him I won't tip toe around him.

Faye - Thanks for your wise words. I'm sure I'll enjoy being a Grandma. We seem to be on the same wavelength! I have 3 fab sons who each have partners/wives I love as if they were my own so I'm sure their little ones will be divine!! Well most of the time anyway!!! LOL

GrandmaAnge I agree with you that it is best not to make a fuss about it.

Basing23 I know it hurts to be treated like that but I think the secret is to stay warmly "available" but to just ignore him and treat him as part of the furniture. I think there is a control thing going on here. One of my sons (the younger one) was selectively mute with anyone other than his parents and brother, up to the age of 5-6 (the boys unfortunately had no living grandparents - it would have been wonderful if they had). We finally attended family counselling to try to sort out the problem. Within minutes a psychologist got him talking. How? He asked the elder boy in the presence of the younger one what kind of biscuits his brother liked. The younger one immediately butted in "jaffa cakes!" thus breaking his own rule of staying mute with strangers.

I think if a child is not going to interact with you pleasantly then I would be tempted to put, say, a little treat on a table and say out loud that that is xxxx's treat, pretending he is not in the room. He might come and claim his treat but try to interact in some way with you - I would just give him a little smile. You might have to try this a few times. Maybe he would welcome a way out of the way he has been behaving - it was certainly what happened with my son's selective mutism.

sandra. yes, you are quite right. Children should not be allowed to be rude or hurtful to people. I do know what the kids in school are like at the moment as my daughter teaches in a secondary school and she tells me how they all seem to think everything is theirs by right and the parents often seem to feel the same way.
Relationships with our nearest and dearest are always going to be very personal things, and everybody is different.
But I think you will enjoy being a granny.

Maybe he doesn't find his grandmother interesting at the moment, kissing and cuddling are boring to a little boy of 6. My GS (7) is always playing with technical toys and reading comics or football magazines, and although he says hello and goodbye he doesn't want kissing. He is in love with his Mum at the moment, he adores her and when I am there it is because she has had to go out, so he's not going to be chatty in the mood that he is in.

Give your GS some space, this is often underestimated in some families and perhaps he needs it.

Charlotta, I think you've probably hit the nail on the head. I sometimes think , "look, you're nearly seventy, why the hell would he want you to kiss and hug him?!". On the other hand, I know theres a lot of winding up goes on. grrr.

I think the advice from Magsie is good advice. Get his mother to have a little chat with the GS regarding his behaviour. It could be something quite small but not in his mind small. Or it's just a phase. Just don't try and win him over with extra treats etc., he'll soon cotton on to that and continue to be unpleasant. Just let him know you love him despite everything. I bet it'll soon be back to normal.

My grandson doesn’t seem to want to know me, he’s 5 years old, I am a very strict but very fair and loving grandmother. I want my grandchildren to be well behaved and well mannered. His other grandmother allows him to do exactly as he likes, consequently he much prefers the other grandmother and pays no attention to me. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle, so upsetting.

OLD THREAD.

GS will be 19 now.

How do people, often new names, find these old threads to resurrect?

Calendargirl

OLD THREAD.

GS will be 19 now.

Let’s hope the situation has resolved itself by now then!

My eldest grandson was very tetchy with me as a little boy, and was always saying " No, not you, I want Grandpa to do it!" whether it was putting his shoes on or reading a story. It changed as he got older, and now he's a teenager he says "Can't believe I was like that, Nana!"

Oops, just seen it's an old thread!

Ignore him. Talk to and joke with the others, and ask them whether they want scrambled egg on toast, or whatever, but do not ask him. Soon he will feel left out. If the parents say anything, tell them you will only communicate with children who communicate back. As for covering his ears before crossing the road - that's dangerous, and one of his hands should be in one of yours, as you cross, anyway. Do not be tempted to make a fuss of him and let him know that he is getting at you. In brief - pay him back in his own coin, without being rude.

I envy you all having a grandchild nearby to work on a relationship with. My grandsons emigrated when the eldest was 2 and the youngest a babe in arms. I thought my heart would break. I looked after the eldest from his baby days, while his mum and dad were at work. We were so close, our days were magical. I have so many wonderful memories. I keep in touch with FaceTime and get lots of photos and videos. We visit across the world and they come to us. I developed an autoimmune disease when they left which I still have 8 years on. The only reaction that was visible. It is only now that I see he remembers me when I visit. He was shy at first. The bond is still there and really deep. His brother is adorable too. I have to control myself because if I acted as I feel, I think I would eat them. So I know something of the patience needed for a great big love.

I put up with my 6 year old's DGS bad behaviour for a few months before tackling it. Now i simply turn the tv off or any computer game in action without threats or warning and how well it changes the behaviour

Yes you’re right JessM. My GS 9 with suspect ADHD has had traumatic time after DS and partner separated. Have attempted a couple of visits here and first time he attacked his sister after she won a game of chess. After I remonstrated he demanded to be taken home. The next time he came he got upset, couldn’t be consoled, and ran out of the house in the dark. We’ve been to DS to babysit since then and he’s been a bit better but guarded - have tried everything and it hurts.

My grandson always gave me a hug & kiss, then bloody covid hit & put we were put ina bloody lockdown now I barely get a wave- think Covid has a lot to do with children’s social interaction today.

That’s a tough one as I haven’t experienced that with my grandchildren or nieces. All I can think of is, do you know of anything he might be good at (or want to be) and if so, do or play that with him? Fir example, drawing, painting, football? Or offer to teach him a new skill like playing some simple card games if he doesn’t know how or teach him how to do an easy jigsaw - corners first then sides, before the rest. Or teach him to make scones or some other easy recipe. Or, if you sew, ask him to choose fabric and a pattern and show him how you make it. Hope some of these ideas may help.

Crumbs! Having read other replies I wondered what was going on as some mentioned it was an old post. Checked and sure enough it was 2011! What on earth is going on? Feel so stupid now as I replied! Have inly joined thus group recently so was not expecting to read 13 year old posts. Chuckle!

As an ex child psychologist I totally agree with Grandma Ange. Play it cool - don't show extremes of emotion but just deal with him in the way someone at work might deal with a client - polite and calm, even when the client is rude.
And ensure that the parents don't make a BIG issue of his behaviour towards you, though of course they must deal with rudeness or similar.

THE CHILD IN QUESTION IS NOW 19 YEARS OLD!!!

rowyn

As an ex child psychologist I totally agree with Grandma Ange. Play it cool - don't show extremes of emotion but just deal with him in the way someone at work might deal with a client - polite and calm, even when the client is rude.
And ensure that the parents don't make a BIG issue of his behaviour towards you, though of course they must deal with rudeness or similar.

THIS POST THREAD IS 13 YEARS OLD. THE GRANDSON IS NOW 19.