Gransnet forums


Or perhaps over-sensitive

(63 Posts)
ElseG Sun 21-Aug-11 23:43:29

but I think I shall have to say goodbye to this website. Unfortunately some discussions can get out of hand and I think members (probably including myself) could well do with checking their contributions to appreciate the effect they may have on others.

One particular thread which is ongoing so I will not name it, has thoroughly upset me because it has come a little too close for comfort but it has made me realise that perhaps Gransnet is not for me.

I shall miss the odd [cuppa] and toast in the shed and some of the amusing threads. I have met some very lovely people so cheery bye to you all.

glammanana Sun 21-Aug-11 23:57:44

Oh ElseG please don't leave us,maybe something was said and not meant in the way it was written,we all do that sort of thing sometime's we put it in writing before our brain register's properly.xx

Baggy Mon 22-Aug-11 06:39:07

Several of us have felt like that at times, else. Please don't leave the rest of us because some are upsetting you. Most of us would not deliberately be upsetting towards others, even when we're expressing strong opinions. There will always be stirrers. Once you know who to 'avoid' in that respect, you'll feel better.

Cheers, Baggy

pompa Mon 22-Aug-11 07:28:25

Else, please re-consider, we need members who care about what is said. If you feel you must leave, just take a break for a while first, give yourself time to consider. I left after being upset by certain threads, and very quickly regretted it, hence I re-joined and now just try to ignore threads that I don't like. You would be sadly missed in the shed.

Gally Mon 22-Aug-11 08:21:45

Else - I think Pompa's suggestion is a good one. I often think I should take a break and sometimes I don't 'look' for a week or so and to be quite honest I don't read a lot of what is on the site because I think it is just there to antagonise and some people like to say a lot about a little; Please reconsider because we would miss you and your contributions. sad

glassortwo Mon 22-Aug-11 08:26:31

Else I am sorry that you have been upset by some comments or replies.
I am not sure which thread you are referring to, but sometimes things are said in jest or tongue in cheek, and it is so difficult to transmit those feelings in the written form.
Give yourself a few days break from here and come back and see how you feel before you make your decision, we would hate to see you go!

Zephrine Mon 22-Aug-11 09:01:26

I hope it's nothing I have said, as Glass says it's sometimes doesn't sound the same when it's written as it would when spoken. I have wandered away a couple of times but now worked out who to avoid and which threads not to join. We don't really know anything about each other so when we post about something close to our hearts have very little idea how that will affect someone else. Have a breather and then come back. xx

Annobel Mon 22-Aug-11 09:03:15

Else please think again and don't take offence at what some people say. The majority of us wouldn't dream of offending you or anyone else, but it takes a bit of grit in the oyster shell to make a pearl and we do have members who are gritty!

jangly Mon 22-Aug-11 09:06:16

Is it my fault? sad

What have I said.

I probably didn't mean it.

Don't go. I like you Else sad

greenmossgiel Mon 22-Aug-11 09:21:34

ElseG, it would be a shame if you left - some people we avoid in life because we feel annoyed or antagonised by them. We recognise this trait in them, so we keep away from them and ignore their opinions. I hope you decide to stay with us. I enjoy your posts and take notice of them. You'd be missed if you left. smile

jangly Mon 22-Aug-11 09:31:41

That was last night E put the message on.

What if she's gone? sad [worried]

jangly Mon 22-Aug-11 09:43:49

I can't see any bad threads. Not ones that are still bad.

Else, to be honest, I think you should give us a little more info.

Otherwise we will all feel guilty.

jangly Mon 22-Aug-11 09:44:47

Just a teeny little explain Else

Pretty please. smile


Notsogrand Mon 22-Aug-11 10:15:11

It really would be a shame if you left Else. Things are bound to occasionally feel a bit uncomfortable on some of the threads. We all 'talk' openly on here and express personal opinions to people that we don't know. So whereas family and friends know which topics or viewpoints may be sensitive to us and avoid them, we don't have that knowledge on Gransnet, so can step on toes without realising it. I hope you stay. smile

em Mon 22-Aug-11 11:04:06

I'd like to suggest something. There is a thread which is not at all offensive but which might just have touched a raw nerve. ElseG said it was 'too close for comfort'. Else you may find it useful to discuss your feelings here, but none of us should presume that you owe us an explanation if that makes you uncomfortable. We must respect your decision, but I too would ask you to reconsider as I've enjoyed your contributions.

supernana Mon 22-Aug-11 11:45:29

ElseG At the beginning, I was on the verge of quitting GN. I'm inclined to be over-sensitive and took certain hurtful words to heart. I chewed the negative comments over like cud and felt needlessly miserable. A few kind GNs came to my rescue and helped me to take a more lighthearted approach. I thank them for their support, because I do enjoy being a member. I do hope that you'll reconsider and not leave us. We would miss you.

maxgran Mon 22-Aug-11 11:49:34

Sorry - but I think you are probably being over sensitive. I don't think its very fair to put up a thread like this without saying exactly what it is that has resulted in you 'having to leave'
You appear to have left some people on here worried and feeling guilty - so not much thought abut the effect this is having on posters ?

ElseG Mon 22-Aug-11 12:25:14

See, I just couldn't resist one final look to see sad

Okay, for what it is worth. I put the thread up there because I didn't know how to say cheerio. It was my attempt to make a bit of a point but as gently as possible (failed miserably) and I certainly didn't want anyone to feel guilty for my inadequacies.

The thread which really hurt was the one with Wibble. I think it would have been better had a moderator closed that particular thread down but it seems to have gone on and on regardless. Easy to say 'well don't look at it' I tried that, I tried sitting on my hands but nothing seems to work I am drawn to it like a moth (same as I was drawn back here). Please don't re-open that discussion here, because then she/he will have won.

I was also a bit miffed that something which put a smile on my face - expecting another grandchild - got no response at all and I was ecstatic. Mind you I appreciate it is difficult to keep tabs on everything (I have apologised on another thread for how I miss things, so how can I blame others) but it would have been nice had just one passing viewer noticed me.

Then, I live close to someone who was suggesting getting together. For the first time ever I responded to something like this and again it was ignored. They have probably gone on holiday, I don't know.

So yes, I am feeling low and I was being over-sensitive but I can't help being me; sorry. What I would say is don't go feeling guilty and keep drinking the wine

ElseG Mon 22-Aug-11 12:26:31

P.S. forgot to say, thank you for your kind responses.

gillybob Mon 22-Aug-11 13:08:13

ElseG I too was quite upset by the wibble post, I was tempted to comment at the time, but decided not to as couldn't quite put my feelings into words.

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all as some of the remarks in the post were quite heartless and probably completely unjustified as we can't exactly hear the other side can we?

I have a full and very busy life, I work hard, I have many friends and hobbies but my grandchildren are so much a part of me that I simply cannot imagine life without them and I am confident that the time they spend with me and their grandad is enriching for all of us. I have many happy memories of time spent with my wonderful grandparents which leads me to believe that WE are right to feel the way we do.

supernana Mon 22-Aug-11 13:13:22

Lovely message gillybob

Faye Mon 22-Aug-11 14:48:39

ElseG I should be asleep by now, its late over here, just popped on to have a quick look. There was a time when I nearly left too, probably most of us have felt that way at one time or another.

I think we all miss bits of people's messages and often don't reply when we could, I myself often read something and go to reply then something happens and I miss the opportunity. I am sure that often others also read a post, think how lovely and then don't comment. I do hope you stay, I always like what you have to say!

Yummygran Mon 22-Aug-11 15:18:47

I am brand new to Gransnet, having joined about 20 mins ago! I am just having a look to see what is discussed. Is this a small community? Because it sounds as though you all 'know' one another. I can't comment on what has been said or upset ElseG obviously, but I guess that sometimes comments can be misunderstood or misinterpreted, it isn't always easy to get the true meaning across when writing/typing on a website is it?

Jacey Mon 22-Aug-11 15:31:03

Hi yummygran ...welcome are right, it isn't always easy to recognise the true meaning behind some of the posts ...well not for me anyway confused

greenmossgiel Mon 22-Aug-11 15:31:30

Welcome Yummygran! You are right, it's difficult to get the right 'atmosphere' of a situation over when typing thoughts and opinions, without possibly hurting someone. When I'm not sure of this, I don't post, but then that's perhaps a bit silly. Like one of the grans said, though, 'If you can't say something nice, say nothing'! I'm sure you'll find this a very interesting and inspiring forum. Hope to hear some of your views! smile