Would this irritate you?

Quite honestly, I couldn't invite complete strangers to stay.

Sorry, I just couldn't.

It was you posted about ocd, wasn't it Greatnan?!

Well, Jingle, it is a good job that nobody is asking you to invite anyone to your house! I don't see why you need to be sorry about that. I don't expect other people to share my own habits or opinions. I have met several women through my ex-pat forum - we 'clicked' on several subjects so we began exchanging messages and finally I invited them to stay. They didn't feel like strangers because we had shared so many of our thoughts over the months. It is no different from asking a penfriend to visit you. I don't walk up to people in the street and ask them to come home with me.

Yes, I did ask if people thought I had mild OCD but that is not why I don't want to share a bathroom with a man - I have lived with teenage grandsons and I know all about the bathroom habits of the male. It is simply the physical layout of my small flat.

I also enjoy exchanging experience with my guests, and I would find the presence of their husband inhibiting.

mmm, I've lost the whole OCD thread but as for having a lovely life, living in a lovely place, just being You, brilliant and carry on. If mine own precious should pass on [hmmmm] leave me for a bimbo, etc, I would be completely determined and happy to have my own company, sleep in my own bed on my own - it strikes me sometimes that it has to be really weird to have a house with more than it's fair share of beds and bedrooms and still hutch up with Himself but hey ho. No dear lady, just you carry on being what and who you want to be with or without.

I should say, He is of course irreplaceable.

Whilst my DH is one of the most easy going people that I know,some of the hubby's of my friends are completly different,sometime's I think that they live in another age,they are controlling and expect to be waited on hand and foot some do not even know where the kitchen sink is!! or not able to feed themselves without wife doing it for them.I also like to socialise with girlfriends without their other halves but also like to hold dinner parties etc for mixed couples.

Greenmossgiel, syberia and carol -Thanks very much for your comments and flowers. They were lovely, and received with much appreciation.

Wisewoman - nice to hear from you.

Yes, you're quite right Greatnan. My daughter has met several very good friends on message boards (Pet Shop Boys and Duran Duran mostly) and they come over from other countries and visit. And she gets some very nice trips abroad.

Just me. (now I have got ocd! [shock)

Not that any of the ladies on this board are not totally germ free, I hasten to add!

I'll stop digging now.

Don't worry, Jingle, you are entitled to your opinion. I have also used my various homes to exchange with strangers for holidays - I belonged to a commercial organisation (am I allowed to name it?) and for just over £100 a year I got a huge catalogue with over 11,000 homes listed, all over the world, and also access to the internet site, showing photos of them all. I had holidays in Provence, the Dolomites, Malaga,and Bequia, in the Caribbean. If you have globe-trotting feet, like me, it is a great way to see different places wihout accommodation costs.

I do love my little flat, with its South-facing balcony and wonderful views down the valley, but I am so used to moving ( 6 areas of France in the last ten years) that I never become emotionally attached to bricks and mortar. It might be different if I had inherited a family home that had some memories.
I don't have many possessions either, apart from books, as I bought the flat fully furnished and equippped. One of my daughters says I must be very self-confident to have so little need for belongings. It saves on insurance and house removal costs too.
Every time I have moved house I have given away all my furniture to my daughters and now I have given them all my jewellery as I don't go out to formal occasions. I have kept just one ring because I like the way the diamond sparkles when I am snorkeling.

Btw. I don't actually mean that my daughter is very good friends with the Pet Shop Boys or Duran Duran. Although she has met them.

See, Greatnan, I have lived in this house since I got married, 45 years ago.

We are a bit different aren't we?

Your way is really nice though....... (says she, thoughtfully)

Jingle, Vive la difference! It makes the world a more interesting place.

Greatnan, thats the best ever quote!^I like the way the diamond sparkles when I snorkel^.It makes me want to invest in one just to try it out!

I enjoy hearing about your life Greatnan and I love your independence. I also married at 18 and the marriage ended 20 years later. I have travelled and worked overseas, I didn't need a man to do that either. I have also done a lot of scuba diving in my young years in some amazing places but with my ex husband. Stupidly in my early fifities I lived with a creep for five and a half dull boring, hard working years. Being single and happy beats living with a fool any day. Finding happiness in marriage is lovely too. I feel sad for Barrow, it must be hard. I guess that is the downfall of a happy marriage, losing the man you love.

Living apart together is really quite good, I did it for 16 years. It keeps the relationship fresh, you look forward to the days when you do see them and you always have something to talk about. Best bit of course is getting the bed to yourself with the lovely clean fragrant linen on ... Bliss

I wonder how many women, and possibly men too, waste their lives with a partner they don't love because they are afraid to be on their own. I knew on the day I married that I was not sufficiently in love , but he seemed such a nice man I didn't like to hurt him by cancelling the wedding! I suppose I just allowed myself to be married because he wanted it so much and it took me twenty years to get up the courage to leave. Another factor was wanting to be earning enough to support the girls, then in their mid teens, in some comfort wihout needing anything from him. My solicitor thought I was mad when I said I did not want any maintenance and would split the assets - half for him and half for me and the children. I felt guilty because he was so distraught and I wanted him to be in a position to find another wife. I need not have worried - within the year he had married a widowed teacher with a four-bedroomed, mortgage-free house!
I wasn't deeply unhappy all that time - I had my daughters, my books, my studying and career and we lived in some lovely places, like North Wales. I was happy and married, but not happily married, if that makes sense. With our two salaries, we were able to have a house with stables and paddocks in the Wirral - I was determined that my girls would have the kind of childhood I had only read about in Enid Blyton books. And I must have put on a good show, because my mother and sister had no idea of my feelings until I told them we were separating- but they then told me they had always thought he was boring and sefish.
I can't regret my marriage because it gave me my lovely daughters and I always remind myself that if I had gone on to sixth form and university I might have married a well-educated wife beater, womaniser, gambler, or drunk!

I like that phrase "happy and married but not happily married". It applied to me for some years too. My husband, conversely, was happily married but not happy.

Greatnan I applaud you ( and I envy your lifestyle ).
I am one of those women who did not appreciate the complexities of contributing towards a pension. Like many, I cashed in my 'superannuation' to buy baby equipment. When I returned to work, I assumed (wrongly it turned out) that I was back in the system. My income from my very small teaching pension and my state pension is just over £400 per month. I could not afford to 'go it alone'.
I enjoy my own company and have some lovely women friends. After a few weeks of 'supply' 3 years ago, I took myself off to Nice, travelling by train. I had such a good time! One day, I'll do it again!

I had a 'clean break' settlement - I asked for nothing and thought it was well worth it to get my freedom. I have found that even husbands who seem very kind and fair during a marriage, can turn extremely mean and vindictive if they are rejected.
I couldn't live on your income either, Oldgreymare, - I am fortunate enough to have a pension from my final career as a tax inspector, as well as the same state retirement pension as you and a small pension from my nine years in teaching. With no mortgage or debts and very low outgoings on my little flat, I am able to indulge my wanderlust and treat my non-working grandchildren and my great-grandchildren.
If you ever feel you can afford a budget flight to Geneva, I would be happy to give you a free holiday in the Alps - you would only need spending money for the odd lunch out.
I hate to think of you being trapped - is there any chance you could find a part-time job, if your health is up to it?

Greatnan how small is this world my DCs used to go to nr Burton Woods for horse riding when they where young and spent all their summer holidays at Thirsteston Common with their friends,we still go to Burton for farmers markets and have friends in the area,my DH and his friends used to play cricket for the local team and for the team funded by Leverhulme Estates who as you will know owned a lot of land in the area.We are now fortunate to live overlooking the River at New Brighton which give's us the closeness of the countryside and access to shopping in Chester and Liverpool.

OGM; that's where I am, pension wise, although my husband has been more than generous since we divorced [he always was a very decent man]. What seemed like a 'great adventure' 10 years ago doesn't seem so great now. I do have a relationship with someone who has his own house, so I have my freedom most of the time. It was always my ambition to be able to pack all my belongings into one bag but, alas, I have become a hoarder [everything might have a use one day] and my house is Miss Havisham's house [although the mouse problem has been a wake up call and I am spring cleaning it at the moment]. I found a life size painting that my son did at play school that I am having trouble burning; the paint has all but crumbled away but I'm scared that it's bad karma to dispose of it! I fear I am beyond help..... As a friend in similar circumstances pointed out 'we are slaves to our homes'.

I also made a clean break settlement, wanting nothing from my mean, wealthy husband, except for him to provide some support for his children. He paid a paltry amount but had free access to them all. I even reduced the amount he had to pay when I qualified in my job, never thinking that he would keep to that same amount for the next 11 years. I signed away any pension rights that he had accrued, and don't regret for one minute that I took nothing for myself from that marriage. I made my own way and am proud that I became self-sufficient. I have an occupational pension and state pension, and have paid off my mortgage, so can live on a reasonable income and be able to treat my children and grandchildren. He is now a miserable man, watching his money like a hawk and is saddled with several properties that are a headache to maintain. If he had any sense, he'd sell some and divide the money between his children so they could be relieved of the burden of paying off student loans and the rising cost of living. He doesn't make much effort to see his grandchildren, and recently acknowledged that the support I had put in over the years had resulted in me being closer to our children than he is. What goes round, comes round.

I was tempted to write and tell my husband that he had ten grandchildren and four great-grandchildren but my daughters absolutely forbade it. I found his address on 192.com. One daughter does not give a toss, as she disliked him so much, but the other says it affected her self-esteem when her father simply stopped contacting her. Apparently, it is very common for fathers to simply give up on their children after divorce - in my case I would have been very happy for him to show an interest in them, so it was not a question of my using them as weapons against him.
Perhaps I should have realised that fatherhood was not of prime importance to him - we had been married for four years when I got broody, but he kept saying we should wait until we had a new car, a boat, more furniture.....
I asked one daughter what she remembered about him from her childhood, and she said practically nothing - it was always my job (and my pleasure) to take them skating, swiming, riding, organise their sleep-overs, etc. He seemed to think that his role was finished after conception. In fact, he was very much like my own father who was a very fair man - he disliked all his four children equally.

I think we may have been separated at birth Greatnan! My father also disliked each of his four children equally. We were a drain on his income and he had to take us on holiday for a fortnight every year, so spending time with us.

My ex-husband sees all of his children a few times a year, but it's usually initiated by them. He struggles to know how to relate to them, even though I encouraged him to participate in family life when we were married and ensured he saw them every weekend for a stopover when I left him, until they were teenagers and wanted to choose when they went there. These kind of men do have lonely old age, and no wonder.