to be screaming silently

So good to get a different slant on this. I do worry though about the boundaries and feel that DD shouldn't be treating her as 18 when she is only 14. We had so many problems when DD was 16-18 and did come through them, but I'd hoped we might escape that this time round!

You've made your view clear em and in due course they will hopefully understand why you expressed concern. Piercings can be become boring and just heal up if left without a ring in them, although it may be a few years before that happens. Unfortunately, there's a lot of peer pressure on girls to conform to this sort of fashion. Could you inject some humour into it and keep to your view e.g. 'don't blame me if it festers and things start dropping off!'

When middle D was at Art College I was horrified when she got a (little) nose ring - I had always thought them cheap/common/goth whatever. Actually it was very discreet and I also realised that she was still the same lovely girl - not cheap/common or anything! She was careful to remove it when visiting the GPs as she guessed they wouldn't be thrilled, but actually - so what? Youngest also had her belly button done when in her late teens - at least I didn't have to look at it, but she has also grown out of these fads and I am glad I didn't over-react at the time - although I warned her that her father would go ballistic if he knew!
The gut reaction to pierccing is understandable, but she is still your lovely GD, so try to take a deep breath and go with the flow.

Thank you ladies. I do feel a bit less stressed now that I've off-loaded some of that. Like Carol's girls DD1 had to have it removed during pregnancy and I really thought she'd seen sense. The underlying worry is that my lovely but determined GD is pushing the boundaries now and is finding that they just give way if you keep pushing. I keep asking myself - what next? She is only 14!! Surely she could hope with hearing 'NO' occasionally.

em

I agree with Annobel. You will only get more wound up and may end up having family row at Christmas.

You're right Annobel. Unfortunately she caught me on the hop and I simply said very calmly that I felt it best not to visit today as I am very unhappy about it and would prefer not to inflame things. I'd find it hard to avoid the subject until I've had time to adjust to it/ calm down so would stay away meantime. She put the phone down on me! (Not the first time and won't be the last).

em - if you're not looking forward to confronting them - don't. Simple as that. Just say nothing. I am sure your DD knows that you disapprove, so what's the point of saying so?

One of the reasons I find it hard to take is that DD1 herself had this stupid thing done and regretted it! She was 18 and independent by then so I had no say in it. But GD is 14 and needed permission. Why not just say 'No not yet'? Plus GD has health issues and I am more than normally concerned about infection. Already feeling a little calmer thanks but not looking forward to confronting them.

That's why it has to be a 'silent scream'. What's done is done! The old cliché about spilt milk comes to mind.

You have my complete sympathy, em
I have twin daughters who both wanted theirs done when they were 17. I said my view was that they should not have this done and I would be very concerned, for all the reasons you give. When they were 18, they both went to have them done - never on view, as they didn't wear clothes that exposed their abdomens. They got through university, got jobs, settled down, and lo.....at the age of 27, first daughter is having her twin babies and realised that this piercing is giving her trouble - had it removed in A and E. Second daughter stops wearing hers as a result.

They also had tiny tattoos, concealed on shoulder and abdomen respectively. First daughter to have piercing removed is now having injections every 6 - 8 weeks to obliterate the tiny tattoo without leaving a mark or pigmentation. Why not laser? Quote -'it's very expensive - at least these injections, though they take longer to complete, cost a couple of HUNDRED pounds less, mum.' On seeing the glint in my eye, she said 'don't even say it.'......told her so....

I can understand your feelings, but this is not your problem. You brought up your dds but now it's their decisions about their own children. If they ask your opinion,well fair enough tell them, but otherwise I would keep out of it.

So long as it's looked after so it heals up well, it'll be alright em. Try and go with the flow. [pat on arm]

It ^doesn't brand her as anything. (Just a modern young person)

It'll be fine.

I echo your silent scream,*em*. My GD1 was taken by her mad mother to have belly button piercing done at about that age. Irresponsible! Now GD is responsible for herself and has at least one tattoo to my knowledge, but then she is twenty in a couple of weeks. At least it isn't visible - but then what's the point of having it?

Good strategy, em get rid of the steam on here, simmer down and formulate a suitable speech setting out the reasons why this was definitely not a good idea (possible infections, branding as a tart, etc, etc) and deliver that in a calm but frosty voice.