Badly behaved kids

NanaChuckles yes very annoying when little ones are allowed to run wild. If the coffee shop manager didn't sort things out and I was being severely inconvenienced, I'd probably first stare meaningfully at the parents hoping they would catch on and then, if not, have a friendly word whilst smiling hopefully. It's a shame about the child who was scalded. Parents will probably keep more of an eye on him/her in future

Bikergran I felt so sorry when I read your post. How stressful for you all. I don't think I'd put my faith in punishment, more in reinforcing good behaviour with stars, praise etc. I'd tell DD that she didn't have to leave when GS misbehaved and I'd probably relax eating rules for GS temporarily. I'd try to stop the situation escalating. I wonder if GS is upset about something. Good luck!

glamma yes, spot on. Dad is resentful that my daughter ended their relationship (after a lot of heart-searching) and the behaviour she couldn't live with has escalated. He does adore his boys, but has never learned to be consistent and use his authority, and he hasn't one clue about nutrition, ensuring meals are eaten before there is any thought about a sweet treat, and when two lively boys test the boundaries, he just lets them do what they like because for him it's easier. It may take some time before he gets what the consequences are, but fortunately there is consistency and discipline at home, so the boys are learning that mummy has certain boundaries they do not cross. She has asked if ex will attend mediation so they can reach agreement about how they share parenting and what days he should have the boys, as he tries to use this issue to sabotage her work arrangements at present.

Meanwhile, using rewards, a healthy-looking star chart, lots of praise and cuddles, and explanations to the children about what it was they did that was good behaviour to be repeated, is all showing excellent results.

Hi all and thanks for your helpfull and kind comments..
GS goes to his dads who has new partner (well old partner but back togther again yo yo kind of relationshio but are now moving in permanant together along with GS half sister who was conceived during a weeks "break" from DD )!! and who is now 2 yrs old, (grandson loves her so thats good)
yes we are led to believe he lets GS fall a sleep on sette then carries him up to bed, even though he has his own room etc... at home GS has good routine and DD bought a lovely reward chart 2 weeks ago it is brilliant all magnetic and it has little blocks on with almost everything you can think of..it was a about £6 from the book club that comes to her works I will try and find the name of it..
NannaChuckels unfortunatly DH is quite poorly and cannot stand any crying or missbehaving, it gets him anoyed an upset , he is from the old school where at the table children should be seen and not heard...is is not an orgre dont get me wrong, and I like good manners at the table..but also like for all to chat as well....

The sad thing is that this time.it ws DH birthday 77 and the way he is and has been over the last year, loosing weight and all his other various illnesses..then we treat it at thought it may be his last one..so we wanted everything to go smoothly.....DD was so angry and upset and she could see that her dad was getting agited which really isnt good for him..she just said "sorry but Im taking GS home" so that was it ..I didnt try to persuade her otherwise as I knew he would not settle down.
He has been so good latley but yes the combination of being at his dads one night and no doubt filled with junk then a party then to come to grandmas was maybe too much..Yes we DD has had many a word with ex but fo course ""he knows best and don't tell him what to do with his son when he has him" kind of thing!
Hope fully GS will have had a good nights sleep and be up and ready for school today...
ok bye all have alovely day the sun is shining here in Lancashire...

It was a difficult situation, bikergran, and perhaps your DD did the best thing in the circumstances. I am sure there will be other opportunities for visits, perhaps when expectations are not so high.

How quickly we have gone from tales of angelic grandchidren to honest stories of what the little blighters can do to cause mayhem in our families.

All part of growing up Greatnan. I see my grandchildren and how knowledgeable my children have become about raising their children, and think back to how little I knew when they were small. Most of the time they were appropriately behaved and on occasion we'd have some spectacular incidents that every family will have their own version of. That's life, isn't it?

I think I was influenced by the prevailing middle-class thinking when mine were young - be your children's friend and don't punish, just discuss. This was reinforced when I did my teacher training. I now think it is rubbish - children need adults to set boundaries for them and ensure that they are respected. I allowed my daughters to drink, smoke and have boyfriends to stay when they were 16. They were too young to handle so much freedom. One of them is a much stricter parent, with wonderful results for all six of her children. The other will allow most things as long as her children respect her (she never insisted that they treated me with respect). I think she feels her children will stop loving her if she does not give in to their every whim.
I suppose one crucial difference is that one has a wonderful husband who supports her completely in the way she handles the children whilst the other has been betrayed by both her husbands and is now alone and frightened

Knowledgeable! Oh boy! How scary !

Instincts, anyone? Seems to have worked with mine. I had two guidelines. One from Katharine (oh heck, I've forgotten her name!) .... Whitehorn which said "It's not a case of what you ought to do but a case of what you can stand" (NB tongue securely in cheek!) and the other from my father: "If you're angry/pleased/upset/delighted etc., your child needs to know this".

I think I'd still not be able to say I was knowledgeable about raising kids. Thirty-one years on, I'm still playing by ear.

The time to put the kids to bed is while you still have the strength!

Exactly! I can remember mine moaning "But I'm not tired!" when I said it was bedtime. My answer? "No, but I am!" They understood.

Knowledgeable because they have genned up on things like premature baby issues, tests, developmental stages for preemies and what they should be alert about, nutrition, additives and preservatives (not an issue when mine were little), found out about what's available in the various schools when they've needed to choose (I didn't have a choice - we just fit into catchment areas), all sorts of things bags that I never gave a thought to because they weren't things to learn about when I had my children.

OK, carol, I'm with you now. Actually, I was genned up about nutrition (avoid synthetic additives), now that you mention it but I was genned up about that for my own sake before I ever had kids. I didn't have to learn anything new for their sakes. The school choice thing has never affected me either. It is a great pity that it was made into a problem.

I have no experience of premature babies. That must indeed be challenging, and it sounds as though your offspring are doing extremely well.

Anagram: You asked as I don't have children or grandchildren why did I join Gransnet - I thought this was a forum open to anyone over a certain age. Those of us who are childless, whether by choice or not, tend to be excluded from a lot of things throughout our lives where it seems the only requirement for admission is that you have produced a child. I have the greatest respect for those who have taken on that role but please don't exclude me just because I don't have a child.

I worked full time days for fourteen years in a very busy country pub which served food. If children ran around while food was being served they were loudly reprimanded by me. If they didn't stop I would ask the parents to control them and explain the dangers of hot food and drinks being spilt on the children!
If any of the workmen who came later in the day, had too much to drink, I refused to serve them any more, and if they didn't behave I made them leave!

Everyone respected me and behaved accordingly. I think everyone needs boundaries and discipline!

I AM a bossy b****r! You WILL behave!

bags I've been astonished at the way my daughter and her partner took some things in their stride, like learning resuscitation techniques before their babies were discharged. I shudder whenever I look back to the early weeks after their birth. The few things I learned about in the special care unit were so highly technical and scientific, like brain scanning for bleeds, testing for blood infections involving bacteria, viruses and fungi, the make-up of premature baby food for immature digestive systems and organs, when daughter's breast milk needed supplementing, really opened my eyes.

Today, they have taken both babies for their monthly preemie checkup (both now weigh 10 lbs) and they will have bilirubin levels checked, ears, eyes, kidneys and general 'corrected-age' checks that daughter and partner gather their own information about in a notebook, ready to report to the consultant, who needs to know when alertness levels drop, skin tone pales, over-sleepiness, responses when talked to or roused and so on. We're hoping the extra vitamins and supplements the babies have been having will be gradually dropped in the next month or so and they will then be discharged. Passing all tests with flying colours so far.

Barrow you are welcome here. I have a couple of relatives by marriage who haven't had children but they do have a grandparent role within their circle, and share our interest

Welcome, Barrow, I am sure nobody objects to your joining, but the question was just asked out of genuine interest.
I hope you enjoy a good argument - I am always on the lookout for new sparring partners!

Well said Carol and I hope all goes well for the babies and their parents and grandparents

Barrow I've never felt that having grandchildren is the only criterion for membership of this interesting and friendly forum. You are absolutely right to expect the net to be cast wider. It was made clear at an early stage that interested men would be welcome too. I think perhaps the question was asked out of simple curiosity and not meaning to exclude anyone - perhaps genuinely wondering which topics (other than the ones based around the GCs) are of real interest to a slightly wider audience. I hope you'll be happy to contribute to any or all threads - maybe even throwing in an occasional objective comment about GCs too!

Yes, Barrow, of course my question was made out of sheer curiosity (nosiness!), not out of any desire to make you feel excluded! I had actually thought that to joint Gransnet you had to have grandchildren, but am happy to be put right on that one. The fact that everyone is welcome is what makes this site so special !

Many thanks for the words of welcome. Perhaps having been recently widowed I am feeling a little sensitive. I do enjoy a good discussion (argument!) so will not be slow to add my own comments

Barrow, all of us here have time for each other. There have been some awful times for some - like yourself and Gally. Also, some of us have gone through fearful times with our families. You will be able to contribute so much to this forum, whether you have grandchildren or not. As you'll see from the threads, lots of topics don't relate to children or grandchildren. What we do like, is to have a good discussion/argument whenever the opportunity arises!

Em are you advertising for men again?

Dear Barrow please feel free to join the 'Health' topic where I will delighting any readers who care to dip in about my prolapse update - I will be seeing the consultant in a few weeks. Happy Days.

I was also thinking about starting a health topic on split skin on fingers.

Jeni how very dare you!! Thought I'd made it clear elsewhere that as far as most men are concerned I 'wouldn't see them in my road' to quote my granny of blessed memory! (I was making an ill-fated attempt to be broad minded about them.)

em cringe! Sorry! Goodnight