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Who should a son put first on Mothering Sunday his own Mother or his wife?

(116 Posts)
Janice Sun 18-Mar-12 09:31:40

If the children are small and the family live far away (more than 100 miles) I would be interested to hear other Grans' opinions and or thoughts on whether they feel a little hurt not to see their son(s) on Mothering Sunday. Is it different with daughters?!

Gally Sun 18-Mar-12 09:41:28

I have 3 daughters and won't be seeing any of them - due, admittedly, to distance. However, I wouldn't expect to see them - they are all Mums and it's their turn to be pampered. They all sent cards, 'phoned and in one case sent a gift. I rarely saw my own Mum on 'the' day after I married, but of course I sent a card and spoke to her on the phone so I suppose the answer is, no I wouldn't feel hurt if I didn't see my son (although I don't have one!) so long as he (or his wife!) remembered a card and a chat. flowers

crimson Sun 18-Mar-12 09:42:40

I think Mothers Day is just an artificially created day which makes a lot of money. It's how our sons treat us the rest of the year that matters. However I'd be upset if I didn't get a card. Anything more than that would be a bonus. I was talking about this yesterday; I'm someone who is fiercly independant and my kids treat me as such, but sometimes I want them to see beyond that facade and make a fuss of me; I've made a rod for my own back, I fear!

Gmajen Sun 18-Mar-12 09:43:30

Janice We,ve been discussing this on a thread in the Oldeborum. I feel that Mothers' Day is for mothers with young children - mothers' day presents are 'things to stick on the fridge' as my son says - pictures and cards from little ones who made them themselves. When our children have children of their own, I think we need to step back and let those families celebrate in their own way. We have had our time. That is not to say a phonecall or a card is not welcome - but I feel it is too sad that some mothers are hankering after attention for too long.

Gmajen Sun 18-Mar-12 09:45:36

PS A very happy sunshiny Mothers' Day to all.

Hunt Sun 18-Mar-12 09:45:46

So long as they send you a card with lovely wishes you should not feel hurt. It should always be wives (and husbands) first . 100 miles! That's a round trip of 200. I don't think it is different with daughters.Surely it's how far away they live that is the deciding factor.

syberia Sun 18-Mar-12 09:45:51

On another thread, some of the grans have said that they prefer to take a back seat on Mothering Sunday once their own offspring become parents and I agree. We had all the lovely hand-made cards and pressies when they were small and probably some other nice things as they grew up. I think it is only right and proper that the younger generation can enjoy their day, without feeling guilty about us smile

Greatnan Sun 18-Mar-12 09:48:14

Especially attention from sons - positively Freudian!
'A daughter's a daughter all of her life,
A son is a son till he gets him a wife'.
I think people should stop looking for trivial things to be offended by - wait until one of your children really turns on you, you will soon stop worrying about getting a card on a certain day.

Gally Sun 18-Mar-12 09:48:31

Mothering Sunday is a Christian celebration which falls on the 4th sunday in Lent. Over the last few decades it has been taken over by commercialism and I think most people forget or in most cases, don't know what it is really all about. sad

gracesmum Sun 18-Mar-12 09:49:34

I don't think there is any difference whether it is a daughter or a son.
Where there are small children, I think it is a given that the son has to be there to help his children "spoil" their mum. A bunch of flowers, a card, a phone call, maybe a present can all be sent from a distance with just as much love. But now that I have grandchildren I recognise that I have moved up the generational ladder. I am perfectly happy for me eldest D to spend the day with her children and husband. Coping with 2 under two - she deserves it!!
We cannot be everywhere and if a son goes to his mum and a daughter to hers that's fine until they are a family unit themselves.
There is just too much emotional baggage attached to M Sunday. Our children do not love you any more or less because of one day. Don't feel hurt.

Mishap Sun 18-Mar-12 09:51:03

I think you should not be hurt about this Janet. As others have said, it is a day for Mums with their little ones; and, in my case, one D is too far away and the other two popped in yesterday. They both have partners with other family locally and I told them not to try and tear them selves in half to keep both Mums happy, but to go to the "other " Mum today.

They are lovely girls and treat me wonderfully throughout the year - and they always send a card or some flowers - and in one case gave me a device for strengthening my pelvic floor (let's not go there!)!

I do think that boys are less good at this sort of thing but I do not think it means they value you any less - they just think differently. Enjoy them whenever you can and don't get hung up on this artificially created day. Give them a ring and ask how their day went.

grannyactivist Sun 18-Mar-12 10:01:32

I have cards from my children. One is New Zealand bound and took me to lunch for Mother's Day before she left. Two sons (both at uni) left cards for me when they were home last weekend and my youngest daughter will call today to collect her son and will drop off a card then.
I think that it really doesn't matter whether I see them or not. I love them and they love me; I know it, they know it. It's enough. sunshine

BlueSky Sun 18-Mar-12 10:14:47

I guess a lot is to do with distance, when my son was here I used to get a card and a bouquet of flowers on the day, which was always appreciated. Now he lives in Australia I still got a card which again was very much appreciated, thought he would forget or be too busy!

Greatnan Sun 18-Mar-12 10:20:01

I am told by my far-flung daughter that she will send me a card for 13th May, which is Mother's Day in New Zealand!

bagitha Sun 18-Mar-12 10:47:43

There are no shoulds. It's up to each person or family to decide.

Oldgreymare Sun 18-Mar-12 11:23:31

Good to read such sensible comments as I have just waved No. 2 son off at the station.
Yes, it is a day for young Mums to enjoy. So pleasing to see so many Dads out with buggies , babies, toddlers and older children yesterday. So sad that flower'arrangements' went up in price for the occasion!
As children we were encouraged to take posies of primroses (picked in the wild so strictly forbidden today) to Church on Mothering Sunday. Then present them to our Mums, who had tied them up into posies in the first place but always feigned surprise on receiving them! My lovely, creative Mum used to add a pretty doiley (?) cut to size.
Happy Mothers day to all Mums, young or old!

Greatnan Sun 18-Mar-12 11:33:12

Mother's Day was celebrated by Greeks and Romans, as a tribute to the great Earth Mother, well before the feast was taken over by the Christian church, as were so many other pagan feasts.
The current commerical beanfeast was started in the USA in 1907.

JessM Sun 18-Mar-12 11:35:14

Hi Janice it is natural to feel hurt but perhaps not reasonable. I think mothers day should be about fathers teaching kids to show appreciation of their mothers. If sons doing that , then that is lovely. I would far prefer to have some one-to-one time with my sons than a dutiful display on a particular day. If we can be grown up friends that if fantastic. Not always easy to achieve but a bonus if you can.
So those of us on our own today - let us count our blessings. My friends son is a medic, off to Afghanistan this week. One of my DS's friends is having chemo for recurrence of testicular cancer. So we are not the centre of attention on mothers day - but we are going to have a good day anyway aren't we.
And if we feel glum, greatnan has been posting jokes. And if anyone missed the thread "how am i going to explain..." yesterday that also is a cheerer upper.

goldengirl Sun 18-Mar-12 11:45:33

We've accepted an invitation to lunch with my son and his family. I shall be taking my rubber gloves and pinny so that at least I can do the washing up and his partner can have some relaxing time and DH can play with the children. Having read the above responses I'm feeling guilty at accepting as they should perhaps be left in peace hmm

greenmossgiel Sun 18-Mar-12 11:55:15

I wouldn't feel hurt Janice. I don't expect my son even to remember that it's Mother's Day! When he does remember, he'll text me! I honestly don't mind because I know they all love me to bits and I don't need a card on the mantle-piece to remind me of that, although my eldest daughter will be here shortly with a card and perhaps a wee gift. My younger daughter won't send a card, but I know I'll get a hugely warm hug when I see her during the week. That'll do me! smile

crimson Sun 18-Mar-12 11:59:24

No card from anyone, as yet. Have to be honest and say that, if I don't get a card I'll probably get a bit weepy. Going to go to B&Q so's I can pretend I was too busy decorating to notice it was Mothers Day wink.....

nanachrissy Sun 18-Mar-12 12:02:11

I think we are mostly in accord about this question. I know my daughter and son love me all year round and I never expect anything. However I always get beautiful cards and flowers/perfume etc. but if they spend the day at home, or with the in-laws, as long as they have a lovely day I'm happy sunshine

Happy Mothers Day to all my Granny chums xx smile

Maniac Sun 18-Mar-12 12:40:10

My family have never made a big thing of Mothers day -too much commercialism, hike in flower prices.crowded restaurants
My birthday is close to Mother's day sometimes on same
day.It was last wk-end and I had some lovely flowers -still blooming and an orchid which will last a long time.
No expectations for today from family.
Our local sustainability gp are having a 'Green doors' weekend with several homes open to public to show how they are saving money,energy,the planet.So I will be trotting round to one or two this afternoon.

Tojeni and all of you who are alone today a special bouquet flowers and I'm raising a glass to you wine

Greatnan Sun 18-Mar-12 12:53:53

I read the title of this thread aloud and my immediate reaction was that a husband or wife should always put their spouse first unless there are compelling reasons for giving precedence to a parent.

jeni Sun 18-Mar-12 13:13:32

Forsaking all others cleave you only unto him?