To expect son to pay something, at least!

I don't think you are doing him any favours by letting him get away with it. He needs to take responsibility for his own finances for the sake of his own future happiness.

I know it is hard when it involves family, but next time he comes, tell him that he owes that money and must start paying it back, preferably by a regular direct bank transfer credit, even if it is only at 5 or 10 quid a week. Explain that it is hurtful for his sister to see how getting a dog is more important than her.

I know there is a risk here of a rift: I've been through that and I know how it hurts, but I reckon he relies on you all too much to stay away.

Whatever does happen, one thing you can certainly do is ensure he gets no more money. As mentioned before, if he uses the children/no food blackmail. just buy the food. If he uses the electricity cut off excuse, ask for the bill, ring them up and arrange for him to pay it off in instalments if possible, otherwise refuse to pay it unless he sets up a direct debit to pay you back.

Good luck!!!

Have a small store cupboard containing pasta, pasta sauce etc....have some butter, bacon, cheese and bread in the freezer. The next time he says he can't feed his chldren give him a bag of food rather than cash. If it's true then the children get fed and if he's lying he gets no cash to spend on whatever he really wanted it for.

He is taking the p... as petallus so aptly says. This is emotional blackmail-he knows you don't like confrontation, and this allows him to carry on with what really is stealing.Time he and wifey grew up.

I would second Joan's comments - I went on lending my daughter money because she always had some sob story about how desperate things were, although she was massively overspending. When I took back about half of what I had lent her, she accused me of stealing it, as I had not dreamt of drawing up a loan agreement. All the loans were obtained from credit card companies and banks, and were all in my name. When she was unable to pay them all in full, I lost my 45-year old credit rating.
I realised, seven years too late, that I should have stopped lending her money as all I was doing was encouraging her dependency and allowing her to avoid facing up to her own responsibilities.
It may cause a rift with your son if you ask him to start making some regular repayments, but in all honesty you might all be better off without him until he grows up.

I would keep hold of the money you are supposed to pay him until the job is finished, and then give it to your daughter as part of his payment to her!

Seriously shameful situation. He doesn't deserve your daughter's kindness. As has already been suggested I think the setting up of a standing order would be the best thing. ( + forget to cancel it for a few months after it has been fully paid up!!)

petallus p**s

You just needed to fill a bit more in.

They do take care of our tender sensibilities, don't they. (there's usually a way round it)

The atmosphere was better today, still no mention of paying her anything, but they did ask if his wife owed her anything, whether it`s a run-up to paying something, we`ll have to wait and see. Thank you all for your comments and helpful ideas, but as I`ve said, I`m not confrontational, neither is my daughter really, but she is determined not to "lend" him anymore.

Fingers crossed, then number. Maybe they've been giving it a bit of thought over the weekend - once they've started to pay something back regularly, it'll keep going. Good luck !

Good luck Numberplease.

Thank you xx

I would get a Solicitor to send him a letter and I would make it clear he is not welcome until he commits to repaying the debt..
He obviously cares for himself more than anyone else and he appears to have made a decision that your daughter doesn't really need the money so he can just abuse her generosity.

It wouldn't matter if your daughter was a millionaire - he should repay what he owes. How dare he spend money on dogs rather than pay his sister ?!