My daughter has disowned us.

I agree with Greatnan. The person described as 'the liar' is a child. Because she's a child, surely understanding should be shown to her to find out why she told her 'untruth', if this was the case? This can probably only be done by her parents.

Oh yes.

here it is

Did you try any of the advice offered then mugnanny?

got this round the wrong way! Ignore.

It all sounds a bit strange to me, It is hard sometimes having people staying in your house and I think your big mistake was to move out and go off in a huff. You didn't allow any space for getting over the rumpus.

You should not expect your other daughter t get involved.

Keep contact, never stop. You can't just 'refuse' to send money because it show lack of thought, quite the reverse it show a lot of thought in that you understand they are growing and you don't know their tastes. I see my dgcs very often daily or weekly and still ask what to get for gifts.

I think I would make every effort to stay in touch, don't bring up the past again its gone.

Can you ring her and say you felt like seeing how she was?

My heart goes out to you for the dreadful way your daughter is treating you.

It's hard to believe that any daughter could behave and treat her mother in such a way because she doesn't want to loose face.

Your daughter should have dealt with the child immediately and made her apologize to you for the lie not in some way blame you.
You are not at fault and should never think you have done anything wrong.

I would keep up communication with the family including correspondence with the children.
It's not lazy but sensible when children are older, sending money, why buy something that is put in a drawer and never used.
If you send money and ask the children what they have bought this will keep your relationship with them going and say you look forward to receiving their letters and to send photographs for you and you can send photographs to them by attaching to an e-mail.

I would send your daughter a short letter iasking her what ever is the issue now all these years later and tell her you are so upset and would like to become a family again for all your sakes and would she contact you.
Don't cover the topic which caused the problem as I guess she is most embarrassed about her behaviour now and can't think of a way out.

Leave it at that and see what happens if nothing does and you receive no reply then I think you have to let things lie but keep writing to the children.

Unfortunately you cannot change or control another human being.

If your daughter does get in touch your next step could be to try and Skype each other, perhaps the children could get involved in this.

Best of luck

A wise and eminently sensible post Jeanie !
I hope something good comes between this mother & daughter
Life is too short , this is Not a rehearsal !

I agree with the other posters.
I'd love to know how things are going and whether the daughter has thawed over time. As you say, life is too short for this pain. I'd have written, without blame but saying how painful this all is and how much you love her, and how can you both put this behind you for the sake of everyone concerned?
If this was happening to me, I know my heart would feel torn apart. It's important to get your relationship mended rather than prove who was right or wrong. I really hope things have improved!

I sent Money for the Girls on their birthdays and for Christmas and sent gifts for my daughter and her husband. But they did not thank us or say they had received them nor did we receive birthday cards. She did send some gifts for Christmas for which we thanked them profusely.
My younger sister has terminal cancer and is in the final stage I e-mailed my daughter in Australia but she has not replied. When her sister spoke to her on skype she refused to speak of it and did not mention us at all which had my younger daughter in tears. We are all lost.
My and I are now 71 and I do not think there is any hope of her ever getting in touch now. My grandaughters do not communicate to us in any way.
Any final Ideas.

Why does she not speak to you, sorry I am new.

I had it too a little while ago but just did not give up, I emailed regularly, apologised, bit my tongue so many times that I thought it was going to fall out, took the blame, I did what ever it took because it is too important to let go.

But that's just me, everyone deals with things differently.

PS not acknowledging your sisters illness is a bit too far and sorry to say but a bit monstrous--how they can hurt us so when we have done so much for them?????

All that I did to my Mum bounced back to me so karma comes to everyone

What ever is happening here. Its like Groundhog Day

I never gave my children any cause to dislike my Parents IL simply because I have had problems growing up with my Parents and Grandparents and find it so sad others will use their children almost like weapons or punishment. Life is far too short. We all will have lost loved ones who we wished we could have told them just one more time we loved them. They will one day realise they missed so many opportunities. It will be too late. I can't thank my Aunt enough for getting me and my Dad back together all over teenagers misunderstanding of my parents crisis and the appearance of my mums best friend 'stealing' my Dad away.
As said already a letter hand written. it must be harder for you to try and build bridges if your husband is still upset.
There are times my Mum has infuriated me, I have stormed out of the house but I wouldn't fall out over it.
Thinking back can you rationalise the GC's lie? or your Daughters behaviour?
it seems from other posts I have read here and elsewhere, The other side of the world or the next road it seems that the problems seem as bad. I am so lucky in that it is not my children I have lost and the GC was not lost for the want of not trying. My heart goes out to you and everyone else, but if you do as much as you can, that is all you can do and it is not for you to beat yourself up over it. An intermediary may be helpful but the distance makes that difficult. I do hope you can find some resolution to all this.

Muganny, I am so very sorry, I feel your pain, I think you have patience of a saint and have done as much as possible, my Mum was a lovely generous Gran, my Sister in law wanted to keep my brother to herself so when she had children, Mum was not included, this went on for 30 years, the christmases, birthdays etc, etc always were tearful days for Mum, it still upsets me to think how she was treated, I always said that I would not allow someone to hurt me as much. My question for debate is how long do you keep trying? Is there ever a time when enough is enough. In my mind sadly there is.

just am wondering why this come up again as the OP was 12/8/12 !

Nonu you always say things like that, "why has it come up again", I can answer that for you, Because people wish to speak about it, what is wrong with that?

nothing wrong , however, Muganny may well have gone.
We will see whether she will reply ?
After 2 years, well, nigh on !

Quite right, TAB. I am sure that someone new to GN might search for a topic and begin to "talk" without realising it's a very old thread. Mind you, I didn't realise it was that old!

Nevertheless, opening it up is serving a purpose.

mugnanny did reply recently in March this year! I can't add anything to this sad story though, but at least you are in touch if only a couple of times a year.At least you have a good relationship with your other daughter, and it may be better to concentrate now on that.

Perhaps someone over reacted when your grandaughter exagerated the truth. It does not matter now who was at fault,as the harm has been etched into history. If it had been laughed away at the time by all concerned the hurt and bad feeling would have never occurrred. As your grandaughter ages, everytime your name is mentioned, she will feel guilt for that terrible day. In order for that guilt to be annulled, someone will have to resolve to explain that it was not a lie but a chidish misunderstanding. The fault therefore lies with the adults and the phrase "out of the mouths of babes"comes very much to mind! The remedy is not to pine for what might of been but to concentrate on what can be done to resolve the issues.

I think nonu had a point! I know old thteads are sometimes resurrected by accident- isn't there usually a "dormant thread" warning?And TAB you weren't "new" , you admitted you had been a member before under a different username!

Did she, Soutra? Anyway, it's been a while since this thread was resurrected and I think TAB12 has probably gone now.

RIP, then? (The thread, I mean...)

Ariadne

Still no contact from my daughter it is now five years I am still sending birthday cards and cash to my granddaughters and Christmas gifts to my daughter and son in law, but they have not even been acknowledged, so I do not know if they have even received them. My dear sister passed away a couple of weeks ago I e-mailed my daughter and her reply was as if a pet rat had died. No caring at all. I shall still send my granddaughters something for their birthdays and Christmas and hope it is delivered but I cannot afford to send gifts to my daughter and son in law and never know if they are delivered. Our lives have to be lived and after my sisters death I realised there is insufficient time to waste it on those who do not want to share it.

If you can manage to come to terms with the fact that your DD doesn't seem to want to have hardly any contact with you, then try to accept this, mugnanny. I've had to do that with my own DD, who has estranged herself twice. The first time for 7 years with a tentative reconciliation for 3 years, then it all happened again a year ago. I found it almost unbearable to cope with. Then it just occurred to me that what she was doing was making her happy, so that's how I deal with it. All I want is her happiness and if not having me in her life makes her happy, then so be it.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister, mugnanny. Sometimes I think we just have to stop crying for the moon, and just grab whatever happiness presents itself to us.