My daughter has disowned us.

Precisely, Anya!!

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

And you understand that despair I know Marelli for you too.

When it's something as despairing as this, it goes on for as long as it takes to heal. And unfortunately time doesn't really heal, but talking and listening do help. So, mugnanny, please remember that we're all here.

On 2 April 2014 Nonu says that Mugnanny might have gone. Please note that Mugnanny had posted on 19 March which is only 2 weeks previous. I think we all feel Mugnanny's pain and my heart aches for her whether it be one year on, 3 years on... indefinite.

mugnanny so sorry to hear about your dear sister. I think your last sentence is a very wise thought

I think you're right, Kiora. The time has to come when it may just dawn those that have withdrawn from us, that we are getting on with our lives. Our doors will always be open to them. mugnanny's loss of her sister might just have nudged her DD into making the move to end the estrangement. It would have given her the chance to do so without 'losing face' so to speak.
I would think that the fact that she hadn't made the effort to give some sort of comfort to you, mugnanny, has hurt you twice-fold and terribly. Be kind to yourself. You've done your very best. xx

Dear mugnanny you posted so I presume that the pain has resurfaced. I really can't give you any advice that hasn't all ready been given. My condolences to you on the the loss of you sister. it must be so hard dealing with the terrible grief. I don't think the pain of loosing contact with your daughter will ever go away. How could it, but I think you may be able to learn to live with it on some level. For now your dealing with two heartaches and grieving twice over. Give yourself time. Do nothing. Don't be tempted to send any e-mails just leave things for now until your mind is more settled and that may take some time. Grief has to be worked through. For a while yet your emotions will be all over the place, sad, angry, overwhelmed. Perhaps it's your estranged daughters turn to wait..and...wait and ...wait. and a (((((((hug)))))))

If you can manage to come to terms with the fact that your DD doesn't seem to want to have hardly any contact with you, then try to accept this, mugnanny. I've had to do that with my own DD, who has estranged herself twice. The first time for 7 years with a tentative reconciliation for 3 years, then it all happened again a year ago. I found it almost unbearable to cope with. Then it just occurred to me that what she was doing was making her happy, so that's how I deal with it. All I want is her happiness and if not having me in her life makes her happy, then so be it.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister, mugnanny. Sometimes I think we just have to stop crying for the moon, and just grab whatever happiness presents itself to us.

Still no contact from my daughter it is now five years I am still sending birthday cards and cash to my granddaughters and Christmas gifts to my daughter and son in law, but they have not even been acknowledged, so I do not know if they have even received them. My dear sister passed away a couple of weeks ago I e-mailed my daughter and her reply was as if a pet rat had died. No caring at all. I shall still send my granddaughters something for their birthdays and Christmas and hope it is delivered but I cannot afford to send gifts to my daughter and son in law and never know if they are delivered. Our lives have to be lived and after my sisters death I realised there is insufficient time to waste it on those who do not want to share it.

Ariadne

RIP, then? (The thread, I mean...)

Did she, Soutra? Anyway, it's been a while since this thread was resurrected and I think TAB12 has probably gone now.

I think nonu had a point! I know old thteads are sometimes resurrected by accident- isn't there usually a "dormant thread" warning?And TAB you weren't "new" , you admitted you had been a member before under a different username!

Perhaps someone over reacted when your grandaughter exagerated the truth. It does not matter now who was at fault,as the harm has been etched into history. If it had been laughed away at the time by all concerned the hurt and bad feeling would have never occurrred. As your grandaughter ages, everytime your name is mentioned, she will feel guilt for that terrible day. In order for that guilt to be annulled, someone will have to resolve to explain that it was not a lie but a chidish misunderstanding. The fault therefore lies with the adults and the phrase "out of the mouths of babes"comes very much to mind! The remedy is not to pine for what might of been but to concentrate on what can be done to resolve the issues.

mugnanny did reply recently in March this year! I can't add anything to this sad story though, but at least you are in touch if only a couple of times a year.At least you have a good relationship with your other daughter, and it may be better to concentrate now on that.

Quite right, TAB. I am sure that someone new to GN might search for a topic and begin to "talk" without realising it's a very old thread. Mind you, I didn't realise it was that old!

Nevertheless, opening it up is serving a purpose.

nothing wrong , however, Muganny may well have gone.
We will see whether she will reply ?
After 2 years, well, nigh on !

Nonu you always say things like that, "why has it come up again", I can answer that for you, Because people wish to speak about it, what is wrong with that?

just am wondering why this come up again as the OP was 12/8/12 !

Muganny, I am so very sorry, I feel your pain, I think you have patience of a saint and have done as much as possible, my Mum was a lovely generous Gran, my Sister in law wanted to keep my brother to herself so when she had children, Mum was not included, this went on for 30 years, the christmases, birthdays etc, etc always were tearful days for Mum, it still upsets me to think how she was treated, I always said that I would not allow someone to hurt me as much. My question for debate is how long do you keep trying? Is there ever a time when enough is enough. In my mind sadly there is.

I never gave my children any cause to dislike my Parents IL simply because I have had problems growing up with my Parents and Grandparents and find it so sad others will use their children almost like weapons or punishment. Life is far too short. We all will have lost loved ones who we wished we could have told them just one more time we loved them. They will one day realise they missed so many opportunities. It will be too late. I can't thank my Aunt enough for getting me and my Dad back together all over teenagers misunderstanding of my parents crisis and the appearance of my mums best friend 'stealing' my Dad away.
As said already a letter hand written. it must be harder for you to try and build bridges if your husband is still upset.
There are times my Mum has infuriated me, I have stormed out of the house but I wouldn't fall out over it.
Thinking back can you rationalise the GC's lie? or your Daughters behaviour?
it seems from other posts I have read here and elsewhere, The other side of the world or the next road it seems that the problems seem as bad. I am so lucky in that it is not my children I have lost and the GC was not lost for the want of not trying. My heart goes out to you and everyone else, but if you do as much as you can, that is all you can do and it is not for you to beat yourself up over it. An intermediary may be helpful but the distance makes that difficult. I do hope you can find some resolution to all this.

What ever is happening here. Its like Groundhog Day