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To not want to visit my Mother

(57 Posts)
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pattieb Fri 09-Nov-12 14:28:36

My relationship with my Mother is frustrating to say the least.
She has alienated my sisters children and one of my two children to the extent that none of them are in touch with her.
I have tackled her on a few occasions about issues from the past and she either denies them or once we have 'had it out' she carries on as if everything in the garden is rosy.
My sister runs round after her all the time, phones every day at least twice, visits 6 days per week and does everything for her.
I find it difficult to visit and have nothing much to talk about

Has anyone else experienced this and if so, how do you deal with it?

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pattieb Mon 12-Nov-12 18:50:40

Thanks for all your helpful comments and thoughts I've realised it isn't just me who has issues with her Mother and that helps.

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gracesmum Mon 12-Nov-12 20:29:13

That said, pattieb = go and see her, give her a hug, but don't stay long. I value time with my DDs more than anything. I wish I could do that for Mum, now.

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kittylester Mon 12-Nov-12 21:18:54

pattieb I don't like visiting my mum and neither do my brothers. She caused us a lot of heartache for many years coming between us and stirring things to the extent that my children have much more in common with DH's relatives than mine. The good thing is that, as she needs so much from us now, my brothers and I are closer than she would have wanted, and we get on really well.

One of the biggest things we have in common is supporting each other after we have visited mum and laughing about the things she says and does even when she is being really evil. We will all continue to do our best for her although my brothers have much deeper feelings for her than I have had for years. I seemed to be the main target of her unhappiness and they can see that now.

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nightowl Mon 12-Nov-12 22:52:11

dorset flowers

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Bags Tue 13-Nov-12 06:01:42

kitty, I think some mothers have a need for a 'black sheep' in the family. If there isn't a natural one, they just invent one. Perhaps it stems from negativity – they need something to moan about all the time in order to function properly.

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kittylester Tue 13-Nov-12 06:18:10

That is a really interesting thought bags. You are definitely right that mum has always had to have something to moan about. It doesn't bother me so much now but visiting her is a real trial.

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