AIBU to think my mum-in-law should have given us more notice of her visit?

That's what I thought

Somehow I don't think we will ever know.

I think the consensus is, OP," Yes, YABU". Why didn't you ring when you got the letter, feign surprise, say of course you're looking forward to seeing her, but DH is at work all day, how about another day/time, or is she happy just to see you etc?
You haven't said how far she is travelling or how, or indeed if this is a one day visit or a "visitation" lasting a week or two, so without that information, it is hard to see why this is such a problem.
It would be interesting to hear how you feel about it now.

She is your DH's mother, welcome her. You will be old one day.

I don't know how old she is but maybe her hearing isn't that great and she finds phone conversations difficult. It must be quite a journey for an elderly person, and, given the distance between you, presumably she doesn't get to see you that often. Maybe she's feeling down or lonely - and she did ask you to let her know if it's inconvenient. I don't know what your relationship with her is like but surely a few days' stay isn't the end of the world.

I remember this from the previous time round too. Surely you pointed out then (tactfully!) that a phone call to you would have settled the whole question much faster?

If you did not, then maybe she/they thinks that you are happy with organising your social life by the letter route. Get things clear with her/them and then you and they will enjoy future visits much more.

No need to make a row of it, just say how long it took the letter to come and that if you had known sooner you would have been better prepared, and there would have been less chance of your having something already arranged for that day.

oops ... letter and read and reread it and marvel at how she had the same handwriting as my mother.

Okaayyy ... so she won't see her son if she comes. Just phone and tell her that, bet she cancels. Simples .

I wish a relative would write to me. I used to love receiving letters from my gran in her wonderful architectural handwriting. Would hold the

How far away is several hundred miles? Does she drive? Long journeys have to be planned so I'm surprised she is taking a chance on you phoning to say it's inconvenient for her to visit.

Your DH should ring her and tell her that he is working. If she is visiting on her way to somewhere else, could you not cope with her for a few hours ? Otherwise maybe you and DH could suggest a time that you are free and happy to have her visit. Does she get invites from you ? By the way I love to recieve letters, much nicer than e-mails.

I don't get it, bermeir. Why is a letter worse than an email? Surely they're pretty much the same?

And (you said) the letter said ring if it's inconvenient. So ring her now and tell her it's inconvenient. Even better, get your DH to ring her. I don't see a problem really, except that you don't like her letter.

Does she know you don't like letters?

Did she write to you or to both of you or to her son?

But it seems she always does this, Bermeir, i.e. sends a letter. Won't she be expecting you to confirm or otherwise by phone, like last time? Then you could tell her that her son won't be at home that day.

My dh is working sunday all day and -had she had the common sense to ring or email like a normal person who is fortunate enough to have their 5 senses- we could have told her this. It's the letter that irritates most.

Most breathtaking example of unwelcome guest was one inflicted on someone who was in my antenatal classes. (she's famous now but then on local tv but will resist the temptation to name drop. just.). When she came out of hospital with first child her mum and dad turned up with an american visitor they happened to have staying. And this was to stay for a week. This IMO puts the OP's MIL so much in the shade that she is completely invisible.

Mind you, when David Cameron invited the shadow cabinet and the world's press to see him holding a meeting at home in his kitchen while he was on "paternity leave" - less than a week after SC had given birth, that also took my breath away.

The spare bed in our house is usually covered in cats. And if they aren't on it, you can see that they have been

If she did it every weekend I might mind - but welcome the old (?) girl in - it really isn't worth a family rift.

Don't any of your older relatives own a phone, Bermeir? I speak to my sons and their OHs by phone or text them several times a week and then there's email too.They'd think there was something seriously wrong if I wrote a letter. Costs too much nowadays anyway!

16th, 17th and 19th January actually and now today.

rings a bell with me glass a month or two ago Bermeir posted exactly the same message.

It might have been better to have a bit more notice but unlessyou have other plans that can't be changed I don't think it is much of a problem unless she is planning on staying for weeks on end. Do you dislike her ?

oops. The smile is for a comment on another thread (about missionaries)

gm

Some people are natural hermits. Maybe that's all it is.

So it's MILs as well as elderly aunts (earlier thread) who are not welcome? Come on bermeir - you don't sound as if you want anyone invading your privacy?

You're right, glass, Bermeir started a thread about her MIL visiting in January....similar sort of story but apparently there were ructions because they hadn't phoned the MIL to confirm.