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Just heard from DD......

(97 Posts)
j08 Sun 24-Mar-13 17:38:48

that they will not be bringing the grandsons here on Easter Sunday as they are going to a hard boiled egg competition in the local park.

They have come here, and had a lovely Easter Day, (egg hunt in the garden, outing in the afternoon) since the older one was born. And now they are not coming because of a local authority painted egg thing in a poxy Outer London park!

It's not as though they never do anything locally. Only this weekend they have gone to drama/football Saturday morning, then straight on to a cub sleepover, and now older one going swimming with youth club.

She proposed coming here on Easter Monday, but it's not the same. They don't need to do everything that's going. I think she is in danger of making them selfish.

I have said, no Easter Sunday visit, no Easter eggs.


j08 Sun 24-Mar-13 17:40:17

Sorry to rant. blush

I know other grannies see much less of their grandchildren than I do.

Ariadne Sun 24-Mar-13 17:41:57

Oh, jingl isn't that a bit harsh? I do understand your disappointment, but they do want to come to you, just on a different day. Maybe she is overdoing things, but we can adapt, can't we? I think we have to, you know. Nevertheless ((hugs))

Ella46 Sun 24-Mar-13 17:42:26

Seems a bit harsh jings, to say no eggs just 'cos you're upset.
That's like punishment smile

sunseeker Sun 24-Mar-13 17:43:01

It must be disappointing for you but perhaps all their friends are going to the park and they want to go too. Welcome them on Easter Monday - and give them the Easter eggs (or you may have to eat them yourself!)

granjura Sun 24-Mar-13 17:45:05

Sorry j08 - but I'll come straight out with it - that sounds a bit petty sad
and I'd say, unreasonable (you did ask).

One of my colleagues spent every Christmas with her mother, but one year she said that they would come for Christmas morning, but then go home to Sunday dinner with just OH and the kids. She didn't give the kids Christmas presents, and she sulked for about 3 years.

Our adult children and grand-kids need space too, and that has to be respected, surely. What a shame.

Ana Sun 24-Mar-13 17:46:21

It is sad when traditions change - but Easter Monday is still part of Easter and you can have a nice, quiet day on Sunday.
I don't think my GDs will be coming on the Sunday either - Mum has other ideas this year - they'll come on Monday. smile

j08 Sun 24-Mar-13 17:47:06

They will get their eggs.

I think it's seeing a family tradition go by the board that hurts.

I'll get over it.

gracesmum Sun 24-Mar-13 17:49:34

I can hear the pain and I feel something similar. DD1 is taking SIL away for the night as birthday treat on Easter Sunday night and has asked other DDs +1SIL(other is away) to babysit overnight. So far so good, they are going on Saturday and staying over till Monday.We have been invited up for Good Friday (staying till Saturday, late morning or lunchtime at latest) as have her other in-laws. Are we keeping up at the back? So we are not seeing any of our DDs on Easter Sunday and I was more than a bit unhappy about that as I did not look forward to being just us on our own. So took a deep breath and have invited DH's sisters and nephew to spend the day with us. I wonder if DD1 has realised that her plan effectively means we don't see the other daughters and if she even sees it as such a big deal. My own mother would have made a big fuss and sulked for weeks and I am determined not to makea big deal of it - can you appraoch yours like that, j08? Can you invite yourselves to the Park egg hunt?
I fear we have a younger generation who do put themselves first and maybe we are to blame as we have been accommodating/understanding/tolerant to the point of finishing up at the end of the queue. sad

j08 Sun 24-Mar-13 17:49:56

Yes, that's it Ana - traditions. smile

And the fact that Easter Day won't be the same. But other daughter, and son, will be here.

whenim64 Sun 24-Mar-13 17:52:01

Give 'em a break Jings! Arrangements don't need to be hard and fast and they are getting a bit older, so this park thing will sound exciting to them. What about going along to watch them having a good time, or asking for some photos of the event?.....and don't blackmail them over their Easter Eggs - they're chidren! hmm

j08 Sun 24-Mar-13 17:59:15

Thanks Gracesmum. I won't sulk for long. Never do.

Hope you have lovely Easter Day. smile

Anne58 Sun 24-Mar-13 18:02:51

As our children grow to adults, marry and have their own children, surely they can make their own "traditions"?

OK, the change in usual things mentioned in the OP may not fall into the category of a tradition as such, but surely it is not worth falling out over?

Ex DH and I developed our own traditional things for the boys at Christmas, if we all kept doing what our parents did back through the generations we would all still be living in a cave and perhaps butchering a mammoth in readiness for the winter!

Galen Sun 24-Mar-13 18:11:03

Mine aren't coming either eglantine and I'm sulking over that AND the fact that I haven't won the potty!
Life is NOT FAIR!

annodomini Sun 24-Mar-13 18:20:51

I'm going to DS1's and hoping to see the other branch as well. I am looking after 8 yr-old GS on Saturday because he doesn't want to go to a wedding with his parents and sister. No doubt he will spend time surgically attached to his tablet computer!

tanith Sun 24-Mar-13 18:23:28

My family don't come for Easter I pop over to them with a very small egg each, I don't make a big deal of them coming to us as I know the kids want to do things with their own friends and of course the in-laws . I've just accepted the gradual changes over the years they need to make their own traditions and I'm happy to hand over the reins , after all I won't be here forever and the World will carry on turning long after I'm gone.
I'm glad you will be giving the kids their eggs after all its hardly their fault if the parents want to come on a different day.

harrigran Sun 24-Mar-13 18:30:51

Sorry but yes URBU. I try to remember what it was like when my mother and MIL wanted to be part of everything we did, I didn't like it.

Mishap Sun 24-Mar-13 18:35:46

Traditions change - the wonderful "traditions" that we instituted for our children are a joy for them to look back on, but they have their own new traditions to create and enjoy and we should just be pleased for them.

The most difficult thing is accepting that we are no longer central to their lives, and letting go of these traditions is part of it, hard though it may feel.

The knee-jerk "no visit, no eggs" pronouncement risks alienating your family and "keeping Mum satisfied" becoming a chore. I am sure that you would much rather they looked forward to time with you rather than having to do this to stop you having a flid! - so welcome them on Easter Monday with their eggs and a big hug; and send them good wishes for a lovely egg hunt on Easter Day.

It will get very difficult for them if they have to find ways of getting round your emotions every time they want to do something new - let them fly and with your blessing and love.

Of course the Easter celebrations that you have created for them over the years were wonderful and I am sure they appreciate them, but they are not written in stone and life moves on.

One of my DDs never comes at Christmas now and when this first started I had to be very careful not to make her feel bad about it and to give her our blessing - they have some delightful new traditions that they have started and we love to hear what they have done and see the photos and chat on the phone about them - a different pleasure, but a pleasure none the less.

I am sure that you would not want to become someone who needs to be kept content/placated at the expense of new experiences that they want to try. Be happy for them.

bluebell Sun 24-Mar-13 18:37:58

We have a tradition of celebrating birthdays, Christmas and Easter en famille - we just don't care about the actual date! I really don't get why it matters for the date and the celebration to coincide .

j08 Sun 24-Mar-13 18:51:18

Yes. DD did say we could go up there and watch, but I think a meal at a nice pub will probably win out over that one. grin (snowy weather forecast to continue over next weekend)

I agree with a lot of what you say Mishap, but I can't help feeling that children should have some care for other people's feelings instilled in them. But perhaps I am being too harsh. And, anyway, they are basically kind hearted kids.

#allwillbewell smile

Butty Sun 24-Mar-13 18:56:49

As I said somewhere, sometime on another thread, I think you're a lucky bunny J. You have loving family around. smile

whenim64 Sun 24-Mar-13 19:00:13

I'll visit one house and time it for other grandchildren being there. I've bought an outfit each for the three youngest grandchildren, who are never going to plough through easter eggs. The three older grandchildren will have an egg each, and I'll be happy to slope off home and leave them all to it. If I see them at some point over the weekend, I'll be content. smile

ginny Sun 24-Mar-13 19:02:28

Personally i think you should call back and say sorry. That you will be very pleased to see them on the Monday. Things change and develop and we have o adapt. Otherwise we risk losing what we hold most dear.

Grannyeggs Sun 24-Mar-13 19:08:19

It's a sign that the children are growing up, Jingle, they have ideas of their own and want to do other things. It is hard to accept these changes, I really do understand- my daughter has already told me that her children want to spend next Easter and next Christmas at her house, and I found myself feeling very disappointed. But as someone has already said, they have to be allowed to establish their own traditions and we must step back. They will still want to see you, from some of your posts you sound very close to your family, and Easter Monday will be fun, it is still part of the

POGS Sun 24-Mar-13 19:19:00


I remember when, after taking my daughter to school for years, I had to ask my dear mum and dad to let her go on her own. My mum and dad were heart broken and I felt terrible.

It wasn't that she no longer wanted them, she was growing up and she was changing. Are you not so sure that is perhaps the worry you are feeling. In other words, will this be the way things might be heading.

I have noted you are close to your family and I understand how you are feeling. I too have a 7 year old GD and I am waiting for the day when I will be in the same situation as I placed my dear mum and dad, it will happen. Our families work hard, try to balance life as best they can and if they are having fun does it have to be an issue. You know they love you, this would be a silly thing to have words over.

If I know kids they can't wait to get there eggs from you and you will feel a lot better when you see them. smile