AIBU to expect OH to ask me how I am feeling?

Frida I am sure your experience is very common - not that that makes it any easier. Generally (I know not all) women are better at nurturing and men are not good at dealing with things they cant "fix". If you are unwell and your DH can't make it better, his way of dealing may be pretending it is not happening. I have had a similar experience recently and in the end had to explain that I needed support but all the while feeling I shouldn't have to spell it out! Sending you and hope you get good news soon.

It's all been said . You are in shock. My DH is wonderful with others in pain ,kind sympathetic and reassuring so I'm told. As I lay on the floor with a kidney stone wending its way down and thinking that I would be sick on the carpet I called, shouted for help. He said to my DD in an adjacent room(he was helping he wrestle a nappy on to her baby ) your mother always shouts for me to come to her take no notice.trust me I never knew I could shout that loud before. I also agree that men hate their wives to be in pain . It makes them feel they are not doing the protecting bit. Look on it as a form of love.

Just remembered: One of the final nails in the coffin of my first marriage was when i had a breast lump (eventually it was accurately diagnosed as cancer but not then) and had been for a mammogram. And I had taken the dog to the vet. Came home and he asked me "how's the dog?". I can laugh now (30 years on). But there were many many other nails in that particular coffin!

frida I hope you are well soon and that it is nothing too serious.

I agree with most of the above and do think that men can be very insensitive. My 3 DS still grew up to be men no matter how well I brought them up .

I was having a very serious operation and one son just went to work without saying a word. Something happened to make him think about it and at lunchtime he got a taxi to the hospital, asked where my room was and when he got there the bed was stripped and there was no evidence of me at all. He thought the worst but I was in intensive care! You would have thought he would have learned but no, still thinks Mum can cope no matter what although now he panics when one of his children is ill.

Since retirement DH seems to know me much better than before and when I'm not well no longer assumes I am being grumpy but shows concern for me instead.

I agree with those who suggest you tell him how you feel, mine just does do subtle!

SorryElla not looking carefully enough

frida nothing more to add to the above good advice. I do however send you lots of (((hugs)))

Grace how about accepting that men have different qualities?

Very different Orca and not all good!

Although Orca may think differently....

I would be very hurt but I believe men tend to be very much solution-focused. If I say I've got a headache, my husband will say "take a tablet" rather than offer a few words of sympathy. When I was working, if I came home and said I'd had a horrible day, he'd tend to come up with things I should do, such as complain, meet with HR, etc. etc., whereas all I wanted was for him to listen and empathise.

Perhaps you could tell him that you don't feel "fine", that you are worried and stressed and that you would appreciate a little more kindness.

Oh Frieda , what a rotten situation for you . You deserve sympathy , he is perhaps just backwards at coming forward because if we are poorly they feel a bit helpless.

Do not feel all men are solution focused , they just sometimes do not know what to do . there are a great many women out there who are solution focused .

Do sincerely hope things improve for you .

All good wishes

Mine's exactly the same, Eleothan. I sometimes feel like shouting "I don't want solutions or possible reasons - I just want you to listen and sympathise!!!".
But he wouldn't understand....

frida can't add anything to this but you have my sympathy

Not sure what your point is Orca? (re "different qualities")

So true eloethan - they are trying to be helpful. Mine is slowly learning that a bit of sympathy or empathy - or just being listened to, is better than solution.

Grace [wry smile emoticon] ask Ana

I know nothing!!!

#notmakingmypointwellbutthenwhat?

?

#notevenabletodothatrighteither

Sorry, Orca - crossed wires I think. I do see your point.

Ana

I'll just let you two get on with your conversation then.

Been back to hospital today, I have a deep vein thrombosis (DVT) and have started treatment for it. Feeling OK and pleased that things are moving on. OH has bought me a pouffe so I can put my feet up!

Progress all round then frida.

Seriously, hope everything improves before too long