Roadside memorial bouquets

Bags I have to say you speak such thoughtful, caring and unbiased comments and considering you say you do not particularly like roadside memorials, you portray a very understanding view point. I stated earlier in this thread about my DS murder and again, I do not find it offensive upsetting or any other feeling when people leave floral tributes, this was done for our DS at the site near the church where he attacked. We just thought how kind it was for people, mostly strangers who had done this and I know they were cleared away when needed. The thing is as Bags said it is an individual thing, some people do it and are not upset by it, such as me and that is ok and then some people such as FlicketyB do not like it and get upset and that is ok to. We are all different and we should be allowed to have diverse views. I think sometimes people do not know what to do or perhaps do not know where the relatives live, so this might be the only way to show some kindness. To some who have said they do not understand why you would want to go to the scene of a fatality, I can only say, we had to. I needed to see exactly where my DS spent his final moments of his shortened life and yes it was and is the worse thing you can ever go through and I cannot put in to words what I felt, imagining what my DS went through and the guilt that any parent goes through when you feel you should have been there to protect your child. But, you see, those are my feelings, but I can totally understand someone else having different views and so they should. I am sorry that I have veered off course because the OP was, I suppose about fatalities on the road. I just wanted to possibly explain an alternative side and view. I have to say, I just love the fact that we are on GN such a diverse lot and have such varying views. I say, as long as it doesn't get personal keep it up girls.[and boys.]

I wish I could remember what the book was called, nfk. Perhaps it will come back to me....

It didn't start as that serious a thread - just me having a whinge about the piles of cellophane that appear on the side of roads looking like fly tipping but which are hiding bunches of flowers. Why don't people take the time to take the wrapping off!

Are there really people who bury road kill?

They probably didn't till you pointed it out j08

Pish. It'd got to that stage anyhow. Besides, there's nothing inane about reminding me kites need to eat too and will eat carrion if there's any around, as there used to be in the streets of London, DH tells me. Kites were common there once.

inane banter on a serious thread sssh! perhaps nobody's noticed.

#paranoidnow

Done what?

Crows too. I don't bury hedgehogs, but I read a book about a man who did. Literary licence, wot?

O M G !!!

I've done it again haven't I? #headinhands

Think of the Red Kites! Don't take their dinners away.

" just as some people scrape up dead hedgehogs from roads and give them a 'decent' burial."

No!!! I can't believe that.

I can understand that GA. It's why the WW1 cemitaries scattered over northern France are so poignant.

I talked to the widow of someone who had died in the Falklands and she told me that the PLACE where her husband had died became of huge significance to her. In fact she said she didn't emotionally move on until (thanks to the Royal British Legion) she was able to go and visit the exact spot where he was killed. Memorial places can assume great significance for those who grieve.

nanej, not wanting to show your feelings in public does not preclude talking and crying in private, when my sister died there was a lot of talking and crying in private but we preferred to be more controlled in public. As I have said previously, what use are the flowers to the deceased? Send them to the grieving family, they need them most.

We can't all build Taj Mahals or pyramids and leave them littering the world and killing hundreds of slaves in the making

BTW, just for the record, I don't particularly like roadside memorials either, but this isn't about what I like or how I would deal with the death of a loved one; it's about tolerating other people's essentially harmless choices.

Given that these memorials are often found on dangerous stretches of road anyway I like to think that they, perhaps, make someone else [perhaps a young inexoerienced driver] think more carefully about their driving and/or the road conditions, and may prevent another life being lost. I can't imagine the pain of losing someone in such circumstances and hope that leaving flowers helps in a small way. The only feeling I get when I see them is a wave of sadness.

People respond to death of loved ones and personal grief in different ways and one way is not better than another.

Bottling it up and 'stiff upper li'p approach to death is a traditional 'British' way but probably not as emotionally healthy as talking and crying.

I personally do not subscribe to the public mourning for people I don't know personally i.e. Diana /Thatcher etc. .I think that is ostentatious.

However to leave a floral tribute at the place of death for someone I was close to... maybe I would if I was unfortunate enough to be in that situation.

I'd rather see a tired bunch of flowers by the roadside than other rubbish!

If that's what you usually do with litter....

I thought it was community spirited to pick up litter and dispose of it carefully. Please don't tell me I'm teaching Cub Scouts the wrong thing.

In a town near me the slip way onto the motorway goes under an underpass where a young man lost his life several (possibly ten) years ago. To this day there are football scarves tied around the barrier into which he crashed, they have been replaced over the years.

Because I remember reading about it at the time, the memorial reminds me every single time I pass, that this young lad died at that spot. I didn't know him but I remember him.

So do I stop my car on very busy road and nip out and toss the rubbish into the river? I dislike the ostentatious grieving that people seem to have indulged in since Diana's death. Whinging is not what NFKD was doing. It's a legitimate complaint about people indulging themselves and not going back to clear up.

No, I never have left a bunch of flowers or a soft toy at an accident spot, and I don't suppose I ever will, but I can live with other people doing it if they want to. Without moaning.

If the 'litter' bothered me, I'd pick it up and dispose of it, just as some people scrape up dead hedgehogs from roads and give them a 'decent' burial.

Those who object could clear up the litter, I suppose, instead of just complaining.

As I said in an earlier post, there is a tree near here which is redecorated with bunches of flowers at least annually. Yes, they wilt and start to look untidy, but what's a bit of untidiness compared with the anguish the young man's friends and family feel?

People who object can tidy up if they want.

And, in any case, they can be tolerant of other people's ways of expressing their feelings about something tragic instead of whingeing.

When the flowers die and the cellophane becomes litter what sort of memorial is that? There is a bridge in Durham where a youth fell into the river. It's decorated with dirty wrappings and a very dirty football scarf. Perhaps a reminder to other young men not to drink and fool around oN a bridge but I doubt it. It's just litter now.

Some people like putting bouquets and soft toys in a place of death, some people don't. Some people want to mark a place where a loved one died, some people don't. What causes the distress is the death of a loved one. Getting annoyed about other people expressing their feelings about the incident isn't going to help anyone. This kind of freedom of expression hurts no-one; it's the death and the loss that hurts.

20 years ago my sister was knocked off her bike and died as she cycled to work in central London. The flower collection business hadn't really got started then. Two days after her death my surviving sister and I went to her office to sort through her desk etc and speak to her colleagues.

As we drove away we saw one of those police yellow signs 'Accident here (date) (time)'. It took several seconds to hit us that this referred to the death of our sister. To have seen also bouquets of flowers, to which we would never have contributed even if the accident had happened after they became fashionable, would have been even more distressing. It was difficult enough driving past the site of the accident without having to see tangible evidence of it in deteriorating bunches of flowers.