I feel like I ruined my gs christening

Exactly my experience, KatyK. It just wasn't worth speaking out. But I kind of resent it, really! However, on balance I would rather keep the peace than risk losing contact... that's what it about, isn't it? The fear of losing people? Why is life so difficult???

I wonder if there is a middle road between mouse and something that roars (lion maybe).

After 'speaking out' for many years I tried keeping my feelings and opinions to myself with much better results for the relationship in question. Now I find myself beginning to be a little more assertive occasionally and it seems to go down well.

I think part of what is going on is that mothers occupy such a powerful position in the minds of their offspring so that a mild remark gets a strong reaction. I knew someone who was so affected by her mother's remarks (such as 'that jumper isn't warm enough, you should have used a larger cake-tin) that she just stopped seeing her mother, it was a kind of phobia.

It's just not an equal relationship is it between parents and offspring?

I don't know why life has to be so difficult but it certainly is ! . Perhaps there is someting in the middle of a lion and a mouse, I must try to figure out what it is and become one.

I agree, bite your tongue and dont say anything. dont fall out with your son. I travelled to the other side of the world to see my first grandchild. During the week I was there I held him twice! ive just had to sadly learn to live with it. its heartbreaking, but Im not ever going to fall out with my son.

annie, you are not alone-I also ruined my youngest GSs christening. I allowed myself to be goaded by my ex-husband's wife. She was extremely rude to me, leading me to be tearful for the rest of the occasion, causing concern all round. SIL refused to allow her into their house from that day. I wish for a thicker skin sometimes, but when something hurts me it shows. I am sure things will calm down in your family, and you are not really the one who should apologise, but I do agree it is best not to mention it again-least said soonest mended.

Family dynamics can be such a minefield! I have developed a strategy of pre questions as a way of managing them if I think I am getting a bit uptight.

e.g What is the purpose of the get together? How do I / others fit in to this? What do I need to do to make the purpose of the event be successful?

This has helped to put expectations into perspective and the result is me being relaxed at such gatherings!

well it seems like my son and g/f are finding it hard to stay together now, my comment maybe was the catalyst plus a private F/B message to my son saying I would like a get together with her and her family but I didnt find them that friendly at the christening so they may not want a meeting - my sons g/f saw this message as she seems to be signing into his F/B account - so now thats caused another problem my husband still isnt talking to me properly and I feel rubbish and wish it could be re-run and start all over again - but I maintain I should not have been shunned at the party, when I said we are going now, sons g/f should have said but you havent held baby yet so stay a while longer -(as normal people would do) but she just stood in front of me almost shielding my view from my gs and said ok then - then the cheek kiss as I mentioned.

Very sorry to hear that your son's relationship with g/f is so rocky. However I do not think your one FB message is enough to cause a serious division. Sadly what you have said about them sounds as if it was all a bit wobbly already and it will take a lot of hard work between them to get re-established. Can be done if that is what they both want.
Best let them alone to sort it out, just listen if your son talks to you but avoid offerng advice or making comments about g/f & her family... remember she is your DGS mum. Hope it works out for the best for your DGS

Annie it sounds like your son is simply beginning to see the light. Very sad, but perhaps inevitable. Don't blame yourself. The fault doesn't lie with you.

today my DIL demanded I remove photos of my GS from my FB profile as they were her pics and I saved them to my profile - the reason for that is that I dont see him to take any - she wont come here and my son is not allowed to bring GS here so what am I supposed to do?
she said as it was a public profile and Paedo's could get the pics - I did then change the account to private (I am not a dab hand at FB so never realized) still she said delete them to which i said as its no private the pics could stay as was my only chance of pics of my grandson for my other members of family to see who live in other parts of country - my daughter for example
ao DIL decided to report it to FB for copyright etc and they deleted the pics

I dont know how to handle her, I have apologised remained away, changed my FB account and still i cant do right

This is sooo sad Annie , my heart goes out to you !!

I'm so sorry that you lost those pictures. Perhaps your son could email copies to you.

It's such a difficult position you and your OH find yourself in. You can only sit on the sidelines and support your son when he needs you, as it sounds from what you say, that in time he will have need of you.

Bloody Facebook seems to be more trouble than it's worth! Why can't people just phone each other, or if that doesn't seem appropriate, send an ordinary email? Or even a damn letter.

All this putting things out there in the public domain (and yes, I know GN is in the public domain, but in a different sort of way) I think it is often ill advised, not thought through and can cause a lot of trouble.

OK, rant over, and by the way annie56 your DIL sounds like a right cow!

Yes my husband says dont bother with FB but its the only way my relatives keep in touch - and yes she is a right cow I'm afraid to say

Oh gosh annie56 families!

Facebook can be such fun photos I put on this afternoon of us at beach with our son and family been seen by our friends on holiday in Austria!
however it can eat to upset too.
So sorrynyounhad that upset at gs christening she does not sound nice lady hour sons partner so don't feel was your fault .

Hope it all settles bit over top about asking you delete photos.

Annie, I hear how upset you are over all this, but please don't have someone elses childs photos on FB, it is very common for parents not to want this. I'm not sure you dil sounds horrid, just a mum trying to have her little family. You shouldn't be contacting your son about this behind her back. Your dh is right- leave it alone. You are in a lot of pain. you feel justified in what you have done but I can see another side to this and I feel it is up to us grandparents to let our children get on with their lives how they want.
We have no 'rights' to see their children it is a privilege, you could have left your table and been more friendly with her family - why did they have to come to you?

You keep saying you are going to leave it and then you do something else.All your contact seems to make things worse so I would advise that you
Step back and when they are ready they will build a relationship with you

I do agree with cjel about FB photos of children, also because they are then in the publish domain and who knows...

But, annie56 I do understand your feeling that you must do something to make things better, but I really think it would be best to let things cool for a while. I hope they do.

That's right. Lots of parents don't want photos of their kids on FB, including my DS and DIL. It is very difficult as adult friends can put up pictures without asking permission - which, in my opinion, is not good manners.
There is good advice for you here - you are feeling angry and hurt and you need to stop engaging with your son and family for a few weeks while you sort out your feelings.

I never share or re-post photos on Facebook but what I do do is to save them to my photo file - this is very easy on an iPad and this is the way I am keeping an album of DH's great GD as we have yet to meet her.

Can not really see problem if sings are private .

No one except people you allow can access them. Why would she
Put photos on herself then?

Sorry if misread this but it does seem over the top to treat grandparent this way.

Bez how can i do this from f book on my I
Pad please.? I downloaded a photo share thing but not sure !!

What you do is to tap the photo so it is large and then you just put your finger on the photo for a couple of seconds and a menu comes up and one of the options is 'save photo' and it copies straight to the photo stream. Have a try - easy when you get the hang of it.

Annie I feel your DH could be more supportive. He sounds a bit like the OG who always assumes I have over-reacted/am over-sensitive. That doesn't help the way you feel at the mo' .
Take the advice of lovely GNs and put it all behind you, hold your head up high, give yourself a treat.

And celebgran - if you can't find a "save" option, then press the on/ off button and the indented button on the iPad simultaneously, and the photo will be stored. (courtesy of DGD1!)

Thanks bez so easy! When you know how will now save lots pics! was Dropbox downloaded but too ocomplicated this much easier !

Thanks!