Gransnet forums


to feel hurt by my Mum or should I have got over it by now?

(30 Posts)
kittylester Thu 15-Aug-13 10:10:13

Some of you will be aware that my mum and I have had a 'difficult' relationship and didn't communicate for 6 years but for about the past 5 years I have tried to do my best for her - mainly to maintain a relationship with my brothers.

Mum has moved care homes three times recently and each successive move has meant getting rid of more and more of her stuff. As we are now getting to the 'good stuff' we thought we'd better check who was getting what in the will written in 1999 (before we fell out). Both my brothers are executors.

Mum has left her silver, Crown Derby other ornaments, various bits of furniture, eternity ring etc to individual people and her engagement ring to my younger brother's ex-girlfriend (he's been married for 26 years) who now lives in Australia and hasn't seen Mum since she left the UK.

I have been left 'which of my remaining chattels as she would like to choose'.

I'm not sure why I'm so upset considering her history of disliking me and mine but AIBU to not feel like visiting her at the moment?

gillybob Sat 24-Aug-13 09:31:55

Your story is so familiar with me nanaej when my DH's mother died her house was very strangely secretly cleared of everything of any value by the very daughter who had never spoken to her mother for over 20 years! We were left with loads of old rubbish and the bill for a couple of skips.

I love your saying "farted rainbows" and I intend to use it at least once today, hopefully more! grin

kittylester Sat 24-Aug-13 12:46:24

I have a brother that used to fart rainbows but, since Mum became 'confused', she thinks he is having an affair and has left his wife so is no longer her favourite. That doesn't mean I am - the other brother is now!!

Though, actually, no-one would dare either fart or use the word in my Mum's presence. grin

JessM Sat 24-Aug-13 13:29:27

Great expression kitty grin but tough situation. I remember feeling angry, periodically, with my mother after her death.
Have you any knowledge/understanding of her upbringing and why she favoured the boys and failed to establish a close bond with you?

kittylester Sat 24-Aug-13 14:44:42

I suspect her mother (who lost a baby son) preferred her remaining son to my mother, Jess, and my mother too lost my younger brother's twin when he was 2. Very sad for my parents, his twin and me. sad

As I have mentioned before, my Mum is a huge snob and, I think, married my father, partly, because his family was well off. We were never as 'comfortable' as she would have liked and she felt very hard done by and disappointed.

DH has a good job, I stayed at home and I suspect that she was disappointed that, instead of living as she thought we should, we had 5 children, are very family orientated and didn't do the social things she expected of people in 'our position' blush

Youngest brother, though, has tons of money, one child and does everything expected of him - big cars, flash holidays etc.

I think I've mentioned before that my Mum used to tell people that I 'had help with the children'. When I asked her why, she said 'I wouldn't like people to think that you were barefoot and pregnant in a council house'. Rather than relishing the 5 grandchildren, she seemed embarrassed about them confused Although now she enjoys the kudos of having (my) 5 great grandchildren.

Flipping families [grrrrr]