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Smoking when granddaughter around

(29 Posts)
Mumcooper59 Sat 21-Sep-13 23:24:33

Am I being unreasonable to expect my daughters mother in law not to allow her son to smoke cannabis before my grand daughter goes over to visit? My daughter is upset as every time she goes to her mother in laws house it smells of cannabis . She has asked her husband to talk to his mother and tell her not to let this occur when the grand daughter is to visit. My daughter has another baby now and does not want to stop her mother in law seeing her grandchildren but her requests to stop the smoking are being ignored and this is becoming an issue. I have suggested she invites her mother in law to her house rather than the children going to her but she will probably take offence at this. I don't want to be judgemental but I am ready to go over and have strong words with her mother in law about her sons lack of thought for his niece. And dont want her growing up knowing what cannabis smells like !

Deedaa Sun 22-Sep-13 00:00:17

This is something I would be unhappy about. It just doesn't seem appropriate when small children are involved. Is there any where neutral they could meet? One of those indoor play areas perhaps, it might seem less confrontational than a refusal to visit.

Eloethan Sun 22-Sep-13 00:58:23

I'm not sure it would be a good idea to "have strong words" with your daughter's mum in law. It might lead to an argument and that won't be good for anybody.

thatbags Sun 22-Sep-13 06:59:35

I wouldn't know what cannabis smells like. Is it a strong smell, like the leftovers of tobacco smoke?

thatbags Sun 22-Sep-13 07:01:43

It seems probable to me that the MiL person would not be able to stop her son from smoking cannabis anyway. She may hate that fact that he smokes it herself but feel powerless to do anything.

MiceElf Sun 22-Sep-13 07:10:07

Surely it is a matter for your daughter's husband to speak to his brother. Does he feel the same way? Or is he complicit too? I certainly think that you risk a big family dispute if you speak to the lady yourself.

Aka Sun 22-Sep-13 07:36:51

If her son is a regular cannabis smoker then the house will smell of it anyway, even if he hasn't smoked it for days. The smell hands around and becomes inpregnated into carpets, curtains, etc.

I wouldn't have strong word with the mother, it is unlikely to resolve the situation but I don't see how her being invited over to you daughter's house will cause offence, if worded nicely.

I do agree the best person to broach the subject is for the baby's father to talk to his brother about it.

FlicketyB Sun 22-Sep-13 08:15:45

I would have thought that the best resolution, if a brother to brother talk doesn't work is for daughter and partner to tell the partner's mother that while the house smells of cannabis, the Grandmother will always be welcome at their grandchildren's house but the grandchildren will not be visiting her house. It is the children's welfare that is paramount.

As for getting involved, support your daughter and her partner in being firm on this issue, but as for personal confrontations, Grandma to no, no, no, no, no, no.

Mumcooper59 Sun 22-Sep-13 08:30:58

Thank you for your is someone elses house and family this is happening in but biting my tongue for my grand children's sake a real moral dilemma and think my son in law could be abit more proactive though he wants to keep the peace !

j08 Sun 22-Sep-13 09:07:55

There is no danger to the children involved though, is there? I would think a loving and stable extended family was more important than worrying about this.

janeainsworth Sun 22-Sep-13 09:11:36

I agree with j08.
As long as the grandchildren don't see the smoking, I'm not sure it really matters.
Definitely don't have a row with the other Grandma!!

j08 Sun 22-Sep-13 09:11:58

Your post is slightly contradictory to the thread title. Does he actually smoke cannabis when the children are there, or just have been smoking it some time before the visit? I would n' t want my grandsons to be in a room with anyone smoking anything.

whenim64 Sun 22-Sep-13 09:20:36

If he doesn't smoke cannabis when the child is there, but before, buy her a can of Febreze and ask her to spray round before her visit. As long as he isn't responsible for the care of the child, that shoud remove the problem. Mother and son can discuss his cannabis use in her house as a separate matter.

vampirequeen Sun 22-Sep-13 09:32:22

I'd like to know how long there is between the smoking and the arrival of the children. DD2 is allergic to cannabis and she reacts if someone has recently smoked in a room so the fumes must hang around for the while.

annodomini Sun 22-Sep-13 09:32:40

The MiL may be so inured to the smell of cannabis that she doesn't notice it any more. But it would be inexcusable for you to interfere and have it out with her. If anyone has to broach it with her, it needs to be your daughter's husband.

shabby Sun 22-Sep-13 09:47:18

Sorry but is this post and the comments for real as I can't believe what I am reading! If they were my children there is no way they would visit the house and I would advise my daughter the same. It has taken us as a nation years to come to terms with the effects of smoking ordinary cigarettes and the damage that passive smoking can have - think Roy Castle. Research into the effects of cannabis smoking is ongoing but I know of families whose lives have been destroyed by the effects of drug taking by their children. What about in years to come will they be influenced by their uncle's habit? Don't forget cannabis is an illegal drug in the UK. Offence wouldn't come into it if my children or my grandchildren's health or well being was an issue. I know this is a bit of a rant but feel very strongly about this.

j08 Sun 22-Sep-13 10:07:47

I would insist on throwing open windows, cold or no.

I don't think it's anywhere near as bad as fag smoke.

whenim64 Sun 22-Sep-13 10:16:56

Cannabis smells sweet and sickly, as well as there being a fug of smoke in the air. Spraying round and opening doors and windows gets rid of it fairly quickly. When I worked with offenders in a residential setting, the cannabis smell could easily get to staff if they inhaled passively, so we were constantly clamping down, clearing the air and ridding the premises of cannabis. Horrible smell!

shabby Sun 22-Sep-13 10:18:16

j08 sorry but I think you are misinformed. Cannabis is usually mixed with tobacco to make a joint. So two evils together.

Tegan Sun 22-Sep-13 10:26:19

I read that not only is it dangerous to smoke near babies but that if you go outside to smoke and then come back into the house where the child is it still poses a danger. I gave up smoking totally when my grandchildren were born. And I have left concerts in the past and realised I was passively stoned as I left confused.

petallus Sun 22-Sep-13 10:28:40

I think cannabis smells like cat pee.

petallus Sun 22-Sep-13 10:29:12

I don't think anyone should smoke when your GD is around. Other than that, it's up to them.

whenim64 Sun 22-Sep-13 10:40:18

Me too, Tegan. The MEN arena's long corridors to the exits always smell of it.

Lona Sun 22-Sep-13 10:47:43

I wouldn't be taking my babies/children there, I would just invite mil to visit whenever, and if she asks why, I would just explain calmly.

Children's health comes first.

j08 Sun 22-Sep-13 11:13:58

I don't know anything about smoking it. But I still think, not in front of kids and air house thoroughly, should be enough.

I guess I would n' t be too happy about it though.

Perhaps choose your in-laws more carefully?