Gransnet forums


To expect personal messages not to be offensive

(74 Posts)
Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 10:58:45

Today I received a cutting personal message in answer to comment on a post. I will not give the person's name as if she wanted it to be known and did not expect to be criticised on the forum she would have commented for all to see. She probably will now.

whenim64 Tue 12-Nov-13 11:02:18

Forward your offensive pm to GNHQ and block the sender, Flower

penguinpaperback Tue 12-Nov-13 11:15:57

Oh dear I would follow whenim64's advice
Perhaps if you allow a few hours before you block the sender they may send an apology?

newist Tue 12-Nov-13 11:21:17

Yes Flower follow the good advice you have been given here flowers

Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 11:23:10

will do, I am not cross just can't believe that someone felt the need and wasted the time in sending the message. I won't block her or report I don't think. That will give too much credence to the silly person.

bluebell Tue 12-Nov-13 11:27:02

I have occasionally been in trouble (grin) for trenchant comments on GN and I have had to take the ( sometimes ) deserved flak from that. That's why I'm appalled at the sending of an unpleasant pm. It's cowardly and if someone sent me one, I'd out them . You should at least have the guts to be open about what you think - or the good sense and maturity to say nothing or say it more kindly

Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 11:33:55

Just had a message from said GNetter, who explained that it was about my DGS name and there is a Bad Mother's Club and there is a member called Dangermans Mum. Apology accepted and offence taken back. Thanks for all support though

Anne58 Tue 12-Nov-13 11:35:55

Morning all, guilty party here and my comment (in fact it was a "question* ) was to ask Flower if her daughter has ever been a member of a forum called "Bad Mothers Club"

My reason for asking was that there used to be a member there called "Dangers Mum" and some of you may have noticed that Flower recently said her DGS middle name was "danger" hence the question.

BMC is a forum much like Mumsnet, and offers support advice etc to ALL parents, and the forum name is very tongue in cheek.

If any of you care to look, you will see what I mean.

There is another member here whos daughter is/was a member too.

newist Tue 12-Nov-13 11:36:50

I whole heartedly agree with you bluebell to pm someone just to say unkind things is quite cowardly shock

Anne58 Tue 12-Nov-13 11:39:08

Here for you info is the question C&P'd

Flower was your daughter ever a member of bad Mothers Club by any chance?

Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 11:39:58

Thanks pheonix, point taken, I really did not know of a bad Mother's Club and did take offence on my daughter's behalf. She isn't Danger's mum as far as I know. She may belong to Bad Mother's Club, will ask her. She knows I am on Gransnet so she could have linked from here.

Glad that's cleared up.

Anne58 Tue 12-Nov-13 11:40:35

"will do, I am not cross just can't believe that someone felt the need and wasted the time in sending the message. I won't block her or report I don't think. That will give too much credence to the silly person"


Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 11:42:01

Shall we get back to the Whys now? blush

Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 11:42:57

Why is life so complicated?

Why do I make life so complicated?

Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 11:43:16

Oh wrong forum - see what I mean blush

kittylester Tue 12-Nov-13 11:43:21

And that's why I don't like pms very much! I don't believe phoenix is capable of sending a nasty pm.

I've never had a bad one - only supportive ones. phoenix, I owe you a reply and, when I'm a little less fraught, I'll tell you all about it!!

I think we should have an unofficial policy of reporting offensive pms.

Flowerofthewest Tue 12-Nov-13 11:45:56

I was surprised to as I have only ever read lovely supportive comments from phoenix.

flowers flowers sunshine to phoenix

Anne58 Tue 12-Nov-13 11:57:56

Thank you Flower and you too Kitty

I will confess that I was very upset by the initial accusation, as I would never send a hurtful or offensive PM to anyone.

I was so shaken that I had to have a splosh of Lidl's own Amaretto in my coffee!

Anyway, all cleared up now, so as politicians would say "moving forward....."


JessM Tue 12-Nov-13 12:41:10

There was, once upon a time, a troublemaking "member" on a forum not far from here who was mostly sweetness and light in public and sent various hurtful PMs to vulnerable members. all of whom probably thought they were the only one. These should always be reported as you may not be the only one under attack.

Anne58 Tue 12-Nov-13 13:13:53

I think I know who you mean Jess but hopefully you will have read all of the posts on this thread?

gracesmum Tue 12-Nov-13 13:25:57

I am assuming this was a case of crossed wires and in a similar situation should one reply and ask "What exactly are you saying?/What do you mean by this?" Sometimes offence is so clear of course that is hardly necessary, but if a pm seems out of character perhaps a misunderstanding is the only logical explanation - as was the case here.

Anyway, glad that is sorted out - hate bad feeling between

thatbags Tue 12-Nov-13 13:33:02

Why didn't you ask the question on the appropriate thread, phoenix? With a bit of explanation as to what it was all about. I've never heard of those forums before and would also be a bit taken aback by such a question sent privately.

Ariadne Tue 12-Nov-13 13:33:50

It's my DD who's a member of what is now Real Mothers but was Bad Mothers club. She "met" Phoenix there. I look in from time to time - love the Bad Housekeeping Institute!

JessM Tue 12-Nov-13 13:38:17

Yes phoenix obviously a big misunderstanding but just a note of advice for members on the principle of the thing. Some members may think you can only report posts and not PMs.

Tegan Tue 12-Nov-13 13:57:17

If two lovely people like phoenix and Flower can get a case of 'wire crossing' on here it just goes to show how easily it can happen on forums, and how incredibly hurt one can get by misjudging something. Unlike a 'normal' conversation we can't immediately reply or expand on what we mean so it makes more sense.