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To refuse to put up a friend again.

(39 Posts)
felice Wed 13-Nov-13 15:08:01

Hi everyone, here is the gist, a friend of many years who retired back to the UK has stayed with me on occasion during visits here, she is a difficult self-opinionated person but i am used to her. This time she has been travelling alone around Canada and the USA for nearly 3 months, including 2 weeks on a container ship across the Atlantic. I had a severe allergic reaction a few days before her arrival and was very unwell. She has treated me like a servant, been bullying and rude including to an elderly guest at a large formal dinner I provided for her chosen guests last wednesday evening. She demanded a cooked breakfast every morning, and constant cups of tea etc during the day and evening. She even tried to take control of the remote control at one point, she has no Children but proceeded to lecture DD and I on potty training etc. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt as when she was travelling she discovered her twin has terminal cancer, but as she didn't go straight home i don't think it really affected her. She has been divorced since her mid-twenties and always lived alone.
I have a far better education than she has yet she treated me like the village idiot, DD and SO and other friends have laid down the law as to her staying with me again, as DD says if she could not see how ill I was then she does not deserve my friendship. As some of you know from previous posting I do like to help people but this has gone too far.
Too much time on her own and too many Hotels with room service I think.
So do I put her off next time and just meet her for coffee or lunch or do I give her a second chance, sorry this is so long but only way to explain .

Eloethan Wed 13-Nov-13 22:19:13

The very generous holiday in Prague does not give her the right to treat you like a hotel employee. Expecting you to wait on her hand and foot is not the action of a good friend, especially when she knew you had been unwell.

Only you can decide if you wish to continue this friendship, but if it were me I'd certainly call a halt to her using my home as a hotel.

Alternatively, you could explain to her that her behaviour during her last visit had upset you - though you would have to be prepared to lose her as a friend if she is so self-centred as to be unable to recognise and acknowledge her appallingly bad manners.

felice Thu 14-Nov-13 13:47:59

Hi all, just spoken to the other friend she stayed with here and he also noticed a difference in her, will speak to other mutual friends and then perhaps a quiet word with her SIL who I know quite well.
I only mentioned the holiday to give an example of the type of person she used to be, a bit brusque but also kind and giving.
Tegan i will send you a PM with my details and would be very happy to show you around Brussels.

Tegan Thu 14-Nov-13 14:29:49

smile

soop Thu 14-Nov-13 15:08:13

felice if a person brings negativity into your life...walk away. sunshine

Aka Thu 14-Nov-13 15:09:32

Absolutely soop couldn't agree more.

Nanban Sun 17-Nov-13 19:48:06

Ditch the bitch

Tegan Sun 17-Nov-13 20:33:28

Just remembered there's an article in todays Observer in a similar vein [although concerning people much younger than us]. Wonder if I can do a link to it?

Tegan Sun 17-Nov-13 20:34:38

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/dearmariella

felice Mon 18-Nov-13 08:04:16

Just read the article, I also have a lovely long term SO and a male very best friend, she has always been a bit scathing about them but I just put it down to the old green eye. She divorced 40 years ago and doesn't seem to have had any relationships since then. I also have 3 grown up children and 3 GCs. I will certainly be busy the next time she asks to stay with me, no need to lie about it either as DGS stays downstairs with Grandma a lot. Meet her for a coffee or lunch and see how it goes. Thanks for all your support, my DD thinks you are all wonderful.

felice Mon 17-Feb-14 12:18:11

Recieved an email on Friday evening titled 'My next visit', gives the dates she will be visiting, does not actually ask for accommodation but it is there. Not with me dear, as it happens I have DGS over the weekend she will be here and the following week cousins are visiting Belguim, and I will be spending lots of time with them. Told her that I would try and find some free time to have a coffee with her. No reply,,,, strange that. I don't know if the other friend she put on copy has replied but he is traveling a lot for work just now. I hope you are all enjoying Salamander, nice to see Brussels on the BBC and not just the small EU area.

mollie Mon 17-Feb-14 20:40:30

I'm not sure I'd wait until she says she's coming to stay again, let her know soon that you won't be able to put her up in future and cut her off at the pass. She might ask why and be open to your concerns but I suspect not. In my experience older single people can be a bit selfish but perhaps that's an over-generalisation.

rosesarered Mon 17-Feb-14 20:58:52

It doesn't sound as if this friendship is really a friendship at all, even if it used to be.It's a 2 way thing, and this clearly isn't.

Eloethan Mon 17-Feb-14 23:44:45

If she doesn't respond to your offer of meeting for coffee, I would not waste any more time on her. A true friend would want to meet up with you despite the fact that you are unable to put her up (or should I say put up with her).