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AIBU

To want to send some men off to re-education camp when they make lame, sexist jokes?

(45 Posts)
JessM Wed 04-Dec-13 17:52:53

Sitting next to a chap at lunch today. We'd only just met. His nice wife sitting the other side of him. Someone comes round to collect litter (crackers etc).
Asked "Have you got any rubbish"
Man replies, wittily, "only the wife".
I splutter something along the lines of "what are you men like"
Why are they so clueless and gauche these older men? Why have their wives not instructed them with carving knives to their groins, that this kind of joke is neither funny, nor kind nor remotely becoming to the twit who uttereth?
,

susieb755 Fri 06-Dec-13 21:51:48

I always think that men that belittle women in this way are just inadequate losers, any real man loves and respects their partners

You should she the abuse my women s group get any time we do a DV activity ! In fact - do look ! the comments are below the article

http://www.dorsetecho.co.uk/news/10832331.Women_march_through_Dorchester_to_end_violence_against_women/

AlieOxon Sat 07-Dec-13 08:06:38

Not surprised the comments are closed. 'Blinkered Bert' eh? dead right

sunseeker Sat 07-Dec-13 10:21:16

absent, yes I have also heard that "joke", always told by a man. It always amazes me what some men find funny or even suitable for conversation. A group of us were in the local pub some years ago when some of the men started discussing their sex lives, much to the embarrassment of their wives who were sitting glowering at them. One of the men turned to my husband and asked him about our sex life. He replied that he was only an ignorant Irishman but he had been brought up not to talk about women in that way and didn't want to take part in the conversation. This was greeted by many "well saids" from the women present. I had the feeling that many of those husbands were going to be sleeping on the sofa for a few nights after!!

goldengirl Sat 07-Dec-13 12:23:43

I've found if a man has made a sexist remark directly to me - which fortunately hasn't happened very often - if I smile sweetly and say that I don't like that remark or something along the lines of that remark doesn't become you then they shut up and even look embarrassed. Very often these types are just trying to impress but haven't a clue how to. As for violence type 'jokes' I don't have any truck with those at all.

almin Sat 07-Dec-13 20:55:30

It isn't all one way, a female relation of mine -not my OH-often refers to her husbands inadequacy in the bedroom, with comments like "I have a job to find it"

Ana Sat 07-Dec-13 20:58:40

I agree. I find that sort of 'joke' against men just as tasteless as the ones mentioned above, almin.

Enviousamerican Sat 07-Dec-13 21:18:06

Me three! Almost makes me angry!

janerowena Sat 07-Dec-13 21:37:12

Ex started off very well-behaved, but soon showed his true colours. At first I was just pleased that his comments weren't aimed at me - but of course as the years passed and our relationship became more strained he did start to aim his remarks at me.

To a friend of mine at a dinner party (his favourite venue for advertising his 'wit')- 'never did trust a woman who could grow a better moustache that I can'.
He sent me to the kitchen to get him something. Someone remarked that he was nearer -'You don't buy a dog and bark, yourself'. I wish I could remember more of the things he used to say, but it's probably just as well that I can't.
He would be furious if anything broke down, and would blame me! One day the freezer and the washing machine both broke, on the same day. He told the repair men that it was my fault. I asked why he blamed me - he replied that since I was the only one to use them, obviously it was my fault...

One day at the start of our marriage he bought me a new car. I loved it, it was a customised beetle in a beautiful bronze colour, with the most amazing painting of a black beetle on it. A year later he sold it without even asking me... After that he just bought and sold cars for me and I had no say in it, but one day he disposed of one I really liked, a bmw sports car. I was furious. We always had a spare car, I wasn't without one, I just resented how he treated me. A young man drove up with a honda accord instead, they hadn't been out for long. Ex was away and I saw my chance - I told him to take it away and to get me another sports car. He came back with an XR3i navy blue convertible, I signed the paperwork and I piled all of my possessions into it, a load at a time, took my daughter and went to live with my best friend.

The reason I mention cars is that one day he took me to Ascot on ladies day and we were in a box with people I had never met before. He introduced me as his wife, and then said 'but she had better mind her Ps&Qs, I don't think she has noticed what her new numberplate is yet!' I felt quite sick, it was XYF...
Before I could think twice, I retorted 'That's ok, my next husband will have a bigger willie'. Strained laughter all round, but Ex was a lot more careful about what he said to me in front of others after that.

Enviousamerican Sat 07-Dec-13 22:52:31

shock That tears it! I'm convinced! Don't ever marry a man that doesn't treasures you!

janerowena Sat 07-Dec-13 22:59:44

But like many other women, I thought he did! Men often joke that women change once they are married, but they do, just as often.

Enviousamerican Sat 07-Dec-13 23:08:22

Yes,they do...don't I know it!!! But I never felt treasured...seems that should make a difference...confused

janerowena Sat 07-Dec-13 23:28:53

I'm not sure that I feel treasured exactly - appreciated perhaps. Husband No2 has never denigrated me in any way though. He may tease but never unkindly, so I feel far less stressed as I can relax and be myself. I just think there are certain people who can only feel good about themselves if they can make someone else feel inferior. They have low self esteem I suppose.

Enviousamerican Sat 07-Dec-13 23:59:08

Low self esteem...that was my first OH's problem..never could understand why someone who supposedly loved you could treat you like crap.Also don't think he likes himself. sad

JessM Sun 08-Dec-13 07:26:01

Glad you got one in before you finally left the bastard janerowena. But your example shows that such "jokes" can be used as a form of emotional abuse.

bikergran Sun 08-Dec-13 09:17:46

men that be little women probably have tiny willies grin

bikergran Sun 08-Dec-13 09:18:29

hence! try to be cocky in other ways! smile

JessM Sun 08-Dec-13 10:18:53

Do you think we should make allowances then biker ? hmm
Tempting isn't it to think "Clueless, gauche dinosaur with feelings of inadequacies that express themselves by putting women down". But then again...

henetha Sun 08-Dec-13 11:22:56

Some years ago my (ex!!!) parter and I, and our little Westie, Shandy, went into a pub in a holiday town we were visiting, and the doorman said
"Sorry, no dogs allowed". My partner turned to me and said "Well, you had better stay outside then". Then he laughed. I didn't find it funny,
and the doorman commented that he thought that was an unkind joke.

What is it with some, so called, Men???

janerowena Sun 08-Dec-13 11:33:19

Well, perhaps rather unfortunately, I hadn't slept around before Ex and yes, I do now know that he was 'slightly underendowed' in that department.. grin however that wouldn't have worried me if he had been nice. When he wasn't being spiteful he really did have a fantastic sense of humour and was extremely intelligent. It was only as the years went by that I realised that he was starting to find someone to pick on at every gathering we attended - cheap laughs. Plus he was an alcoholic. Heaven knows I stuck it out for long enough in a vain attempt to help him, but it all just got to be too much. There was never a dull moment with him around, that's for sure.

His mother was nice but not all that bright, and I think he assumed that all women were like her, but not only that, he liked them that way. Maybe I was just an experiment because his partner really is dim. He says to our daughter that he really misses being able to have a decent conversation with me. hmm