Gransnet forums


Shall I wait or tell my Mum?

(42 Posts)
Gambit23 Sat 08-Feb-14 12:03:58


I need some advice from Grans. I'm 6 weeks pregnant and had originally planned to tell my mum after I had my 12 week scan and knew all was well. However I've now had to tell a friend my news because I was staying with her and my insisting on decaf tea, refusing alcohol and soft cheese etc made her suspicious.

I feel bad that someone already knows and my mum doesn't.

From a gran (or gran-to-be) point of view would you rather know as soon as possible or after the scan? I think she will worry about me so waiting until the scan might avoid that stress. But I feel a bit like I'm betraying her by not telling her straight away.

What do you think? Thanks

whatsgoingon Sat 08-Feb-14 12:13:29

Do you see your mum at all. The reason I ask is when my DD was pregnant and she didn't want to say anything till she had her first scan but when I saw her I could tell just by looking at her. I waited till she told me and then I told her I had already guessed. Some times when mums and daughters are really close there is not much that passes unnoticed.
She may well have already guessed. wink

soop Sat 08-Feb-14 12:20:05

Hello Gambit23...if I were your mum, I would be overjoyed to hear your good news. Share! flowers

Tegan Sat 08-Feb-14 12:20:39

I think that if you've told someone else and you planned to tell your mum anyway it would be best to tell her [a secret is never a secret once one person knows]. My daughter was having a few problems with her first pregnancy [everything turned out fine] so she wasn't going to tell me. Then, one day we were speaking on the phone. I'm very into horse racing and had been in the Desert Orchid Fan Club blush and it had been on the news that day that he'd died [at a ripe old age after a happy retirement, thank goodness]. She'd phoned me to see if I was upset, and I said to her that I felt my life was like a jigsaw puzzle and I'd reached an age where the bits were being taken away rather than added to. She hesitated for a moment, then told me I could start adding things back because I was [all being well] going to be a granny. It seems like only yesterday, but it was seven years ago. I suppose it all depends on your mum and how much she worries etc etc so only you can know what the best course of action is, but I think, in a case like this I'd be hurt if other people knew. Especially as the only other person in the world that this means anywhere near as much to as yourself [and the father] is your mum.

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 08-Feb-14 12:27:36

Ring her now! Lie about the fact she is not the first to hear!

Aka Sat 08-Feb-14 12:36:58

Tell her now, immediately, straight away and by the way CONGRATULATIONS smile

whenim64 Sat 08-Feb-14 12:39:28

Include her in and she and she can share your joy or worries, if she's the sort of mum you usually confide in. I accept that my daughters have close friends and they will often confide in them before they see me, but there isn't a pecking order. It's lovely news for your family to celebrate. I hope everything goes well for you.

kittylester Sat 08-Feb-14 12:42:12

I agree with jingl grin and everyone else.

I would be upset if my DDs hadn't told me after they had done the test. After all, if things don't go well, who will you want to turn to after your DH? She will be really excited and pleased for you, I'm sure.

And, as Tegan says, she may hear from someone else and be really upset that you hadn't told her first.

Congratulations, by the way!! smile

JessM Sat 08-Feb-14 12:55:04

Yes tell her your friend just guessed and mum is first on the list. Congratulations smile

mollie Sat 08-Feb-14 12:57:14

Tell her!

jinglbellsfrocks Sat 08-Feb-14 13:00:19

Say you are bursting to tell your friend but you wanted her to be the first.

Gambit23 Sat 08-Feb-14 13:00:41

Right then - I'm off to tell her! Thanks everyone x

soop Sat 08-Feb-14 13:02:14

Gambit23 grin

Gally Sat 08-Feb-14 13:12:29

Yes , tell her now, immediately, as soon as possible! My cousin's daughter let the news come out in dribs and drabs and by the time she thought to tell her mother she was 20 weeks and most of the world, apart from her Mum knew about it. Needless to say, despite putting on a brave face, my cousin was devastated (but there again, her daughter is very odd) hmm

kittylester Sat 08-Feb-14 13:17:48

Let us know what she says Gambit

POGS Sat 08-Feb-14 13:23:54

Gambit 23

First off many congratulations, how lovely for you. I hope all goes well for you over the coming months and baby will bring joy to you and your family.

As for telling mum, I would be upset if I found out by accident my daughter had not told me. I think it is perfectly acceptable to tell mum exactly what happened and I am sure she would understand how easy it was for you to have broken the news to a friend. She might not understand why you still kept it a secret from her though.

Good luck. flowers

LizG Sat 08-Feb-14 13:59:13

Gambit23 you sound like a lovely, caring daughter and I am thrilled you have decided to tell your mother. Many congratulations. flowers

My dentist was the first to know with my third daughter (even before OH) because he wanted to do an XRay. These things happen.

annodomini Sat 08-Feb-14 14:41:59

I agree and so it looks as if we are unanimous. I have no daughters, but have been included in the good news just as soon as my DiLs' mums.

rockgran Sat 08-Feb-14 14:59:55

My dil hesitated to tell anyone too early as she had had a miscarriage earlier but I knew! Not drinking wine at Christmas was a big give away! (six years ago). I would have been very sad if I had not been told at least second - after her mum. You can't have too much good news. flowerssmile

D0LLIE Sat 08-Feb-14 15:13:27

I wouldnt worry about it gambit your mum will be thrilled to bits when she hears the news...

My son and his wife are expecting their first child and i wasnt the first to know and it didnt bother me one bit.

Lona Sat 08-Feb-14 15:26:07

Congratulations Gambit, I'm sure your mum will be thrilled flowers

Mishap Sat 08-Feb-14 16:51:59

Congratulations - tell her NOW!

The only reason for hanging fire till the scan is to take account of the remote possibility that the pregnancy might not stick - and if, by some sad mischance, it does not, then Mum will be there by your side to comfort you, having shared the initial excitement.

I am sure that all will be fine.

I knew when all my DDs were pregnant - except one of them, who I had not expected to have children, so that was a bit of a shocker - but lovely!

Nelliemoser Sat 08-Feb-14 17:23:25

My daughter told me and her mum in law when she was eight weeks but did not go public until she had the scan and then posted on Facebook.

Dragonfly1 Sat 08-Feb-14 17:54:45

Hi Gambit, don't worry about not worrying your mum till you've had your first scan - if she's a worrier she'll worry till the little one arrives! Congratulations, hope all goes well!

MamaCaz Sat 08-Feb-14 18:43:29

Tell her now!