Cut out of their lives 3

Oh yogagirl sending you big hug too is hard but we really cant let them destroy us.

Try so hard to focus on your other daughter and I find it helps if I just stop. My thoughts going down that route of if only and how can-she.

Sometimes it does t work and a good cry works wonders !

It has been longer for me though 5 years just rakes it up with each. we Gra daughter. I am I. Quite good place now and the love and friendship from you,and smileless has meant so much.

Hope you sleep better tonight. Xxx

Morning Celebgran
Thank you for your kind words & you're right , I must stop the thoughts! [Flowers] Have a nice day xx

Couldn't agree more Celebgran; a good cry does work wonders and I am sooo grateful to you and Yogagirl for the love and friendship you've both given me. Dear Yogagirl if only you could stop your thoughts, if only we all could but unfortunately we can't.

Two years for us Yogagirl and five for you dear Celebgranand it still doesn't seem real some how does it. How could they do this to us? Dear hubby saw our d.i.l. going in to the child minder's yesterday to collect our gc. That's where he is, 8 doors away, being looked after by some one who was once a complete stranger to them, who looks after him for money, oh I'm sure she's very nice. And here I am, 8 doors away, who wanted nothing more than to look after him simply because I love him, and of course I'd have done it for free. Go figure.

Well ladies, enough of that. Cats are still enjoying their new toys. Gym going well, yes I said gym going well. Frankly I'm amazed at how much I'm doing. It's making me feel much better about my self and my life in general.

Going to my s.i.l.'s for a meal tonight, we always have a good laugh so I'm looking forward to it. Hope you're both doing some thing fun this weekend.
We're moving on ladies, it's hard and we're moving rather slowly, but we're going in the right direction. andfor the weekend and a BIG HUG for you too.

Hello ladies
I just thought I would bite the bullet and post on here!! I have been reading all of your posts regarding the pain and heartache your estranged children have caused!�� Although extremely difficult, I have found your posts very comforting to know that I am not alone in this dark dark place! I have recently pm'd Smileless, who has been so kind and caring enough to listen to some of the heartbreak myself, my dh and younger son have been going through over the past 12mnths! In that we now have no contact with our older son and our only gc, whom we haven't seen since she was 6mnths old!!!!

All your heartaches seem sadly to mirror my own! I just can't seem to get them out of my mind. I think about them all day, every day, when I wake up, when I go to bed, if I wake in the night it's the first thing I think about! Does this ever ease up????

It's just nice to know that although extremely sad, that there are other parents and grandparents out there who are living through this complete nightmare and that there are places like this we can at least share our grief!!

Thankyou for listening!!! ��

Unfortunately Mums70 it doesn't go away, you just get used to the pain.
I may have a day where I think I've cracked it, just to be really down & in the blues the next. It's a bereavement that can never heal, made worse by knowing you are grieving for the living & mine live just 5mins down the road. All our friends, being of the same age, are full of GC stories, that you have to coo & smile & say "how lovely...how sweet" when actually the knife is turning in your heart. I can only say how sorry I am that you are in the same boat as us on here. It helps a lot to come on here and vent your feelings to the only people on earth that really understand. They had a 'live chat' on here a month back, with agony aunts to help with this particular situation, it was a joke, they hadn't a clue what they were talking about & the advise was useless, the best advise & understanding is on here with us.
Well done with your gym work Smileless hope you enjoyed your meal last night. I'm off to my ND after posting on here, for a lovely Sunday roast, getting hungry now. Hope you had a good w/e Celebgran. I went to the Casino on Friday night, with 'The girls' had a great night, lovely meal, dancing, bit of a gamble Got to go, roast dinner calling me for all xx

Thankyou Yogagirl for your quick response!
I think you've 'hit the nail right on the head' in that it's a bereavement that will never heal! I also have times when I feel I can cope, then others when I go over and over the awful things that have passed! sad I wake up and wonder how our lives have turned out like this. But hopefully, now I at least have somewhere to turn to when I need to talk, especially to people who know exactly how I'm feeling. I know my dear friends have been there to listen and I am eternally grateful for that, otherwise I think I would've cracked up (although I was very close to a nervous breakdown - just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up) but they can only sympathize, they don't really understand!!!
So thankyou for just being here flowers
Xxx

Forgot to put brackets round my smileys lol!

Mums 70 welcome yogagirl and smiless have kept my spirits up a lot!
Their friendship has been invaluable. As you say friends try to understand but no one can unless they have been in our shoes.

Sadly been 5 years for me and it does get easier in some ways I don't always think of my daughter moment I wake. I do wake feeling low most days but it wears off !

I had counselling for a year and he said I won't lie it will always hurt you but you get better and coping and you do!

We had amazing weekend and lots cuddles smileless and yogagirl with baby 9 months old, I do love babies !, little chap of 4 and Kieran 2 so was great spend time with them all and Gra cousin did us lovely BBQ. We felt so welcome and like we known him for ages, his wife was equally welcoming.m perhaps we are normal people after all despite what our daughter says!

Was great see our son also and they have a lovely new house, worried that they rent but it is amazing 4 bed detached 2 ensuite bathrooms so we have guesr room !, Steve our son invited us for my birthday In month so things are good!

Glad you had fun smileless good news no weight gain over weekend!
At moment we are in garden well I am sciving! Trying tidy up before rain!
Have physio at 3 30.

Have good day all of you x

Thankyou 'celebgran' for your reply!
Yourself, 'smileless' and 'yogagirl' have been such an inspiration to me and I can clearly see that you all have provided the support and comfort that is so needed in these sad times. It's also lovely to see that you also share the good times too!!!

Hope you have a lovely time visiting your son and look forward to reading all about it!
Take card all
Xxx

So good to see you on this thread Mums70. I know you will find sharing on here helpful, especially with the love and support you'll get from Yogagirl and Celebgran.

We do share the good things toowhich is always nice to do. There have been posts in the past that have bought tears to my eyes because I've laughed so much.

That was spot on Celebgran; the pain will never disappear but time does enable us to cope. Oh dear Celebgran of course you're normal and you're lovely too. I know just what you mean though, when other people allow you to interact with their children or grand children, you can't help but feel as if you've been validated as a decent human being. The terrible lies our children have told in their attempt to justify the unjustifiable, leave us with emotional scars that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives.

I missed that live chat Yogagirl but from what you've said, I don't think I missed much. You can't possibly really understand unless you've had the misfortune of being in this situation but what I find upsetting at times is a lack of sensitivity and the 'there's no smoke with out fire' mentality. We must have done something wrong, but we haven't; this doesn't just happen, well it does.

Sounds like you've had a good weekend Celebgran and Yogagirl, ours was good too although the weather could have been better.

Love, hugs andfor all who have posted on here and for those who read about our highs and lows and are in the same terrible situation.

Morning Girls
Great being on my 'Desk top PC' where I can actually see what I am writing, as opposed to my mobile, still haven't replaced my tablet, waiting for the post office to find it or give me a refund, only problem is my fingers are sooo cold keep missing the correct key! Going to teach my yoga in 10mins so will warm up then
I feel quite moved when I come on here, that was a lovely & spot-on post Smileless & you are right Celebgran re; interacting with other little children & babies making you feel 'normal' for a moment. Your S rent must be a lot, my D's was £900pm for a normal 3bed semi (miss the little Scottish hats Only us on here fully realize that you don't have to do or say anything wrong to get 'cut out'
I too relish hiding under the duvet Mums70 wishing this nightmare would be over. Where's that big book to tell us when/if it will happen
for all xx

Yogagirl he was paying 1300 in London now. Moved Chippenham and detached 4 bed 2 en suite bathrooms main bathroom also and cloakroom, study, and extra room in garage huge s room kitchen utility room 1,200 seems lot to. E but lovely house and they can't afford to buy.

We had stressed out day yesterday ! My physio appt was waste of time really! He was late, and talked for 30 minutes all stuff already gone through then assessed. My knees again! I did mention it! As we were both tired from hectic weekend it was then last straw. Got home burnt spuds for shepherds pie! Grrr still managed salvage enough to cope, just by that time tempers were shall we say frayed! I asked physio (he just had 2 weeks hol so think forgot what he had done!) if I will be getting more treatment for my foot oh yes come back I. 2 weeks course forgot my diary ! Managed get through today eventually and sorted appt to suit me for fri week!

We have dilemma dance on at local club wasn't go to and friends asked us to. Birthday buffet, rather go to dance is that mean?

Hope you all had ok Tuesdays ! I did go acquacise tutor face thank goodness, and had my reg lady manicure bedridden one, poor lady was so Down think she looks forward to seeing me! However she is so miserable no one visits her!

Then before that hoovered car! Felt exhausted after client, but did no more than bike to shops for first time on new bike!

Rosie been barking like mad today Graham at work so she is In Charge!

Hope yogagirl you feeling bit brighter and smileless yes we got keep positive and try be pleased when friends je lady from acquacise say about their Grandaughters coming to stay!

Hope new lady doing ok sorry this iPad won't let me see recent posts and forgotten your username!

Have good evening and to us all x

By new lady meant mums70,! Sorry! X

Hope you enjoyed your yoga class today Yogagirl and it warmed you up. How annoying that you still haven't sorted out your missing tablet , how long does it take for the Post Office to sort these things out? Too long, that's for sure.

I certainly got warm at the gym this morning, I must have worked hard because my legs are aching. Mustn't grumble though, I'm really rather pleased with how well I'm doing. To be honest though I quite fancied staying under the duvet this morning. I mean what's happened to the; isn't it supposed to still be summer.

This is a moving thread isn't it. It's just so good to be able to share with ladies who really understand and to hear about things turning around for others, who are at last having contact with their gc. I can't wait for the day when it happens for us too.

andfor you all tomorrow.

Forgot to say that mmmm sun had gone away! Horrid we had eat indoors tonight!

What happened yogagirl was tablet lost in post I gather?

We orderd phone charger only £10 but never came, and all emails to mobile fun being ignored! Great.

Smileless you work so hard at that gymn!

Only -about 5 weeks til our hol to algarve, but can't really get motivated on weight loss oh dear !

Celebgran I'm sure you will have a good time which ever one you choose to go to, you're lucky you have a choice Your S rent is a lot, could be paying a mortgage for that Hope you get your foot sorted on your next visit to the pysio I sent my tablet back for a refund as it packed up, posted it recorded but it never arrived, so hope I get a refund from the P.O so I can buy a new one. I have in fact just ordered one on line a Samsung, sounds good
Well done on keeping up with your gym work Smileless
A whole post and no mention of my D & GC, is that good? It's now the norm, not having them in my life, very sad nothing new happening, my ND doesn't want to talk about them, she says "They are not part of our lives any more mum!" & that's true

Hello, Ladies! I'm so happy to find you all on here. I posted on the Dil/Mil thread and one of the ladies pm'd me to say that I wasn't alone in my sadness over my sons "defection" for want of a better word. She pointed me in the direction of these threads, and I have been slowy reading through, and how they have lifted my heart to know that I'm really not alone. I am sorry to read that there are so many of us, and that it seems as if none of us have actually done anything to cause this state of affairs. But, onwards and upwards, ladies, and thank you for being here.

Saw my gs today with NS, drove past them on my way to the local shops. Gosh he has grown; I just remember him as a baby, crawling around our living room and dining room and laughing. HS saw me coming so bobbed down with his back to me trying to shield my gs from view.

They were taking the dog for a walk and I wondered if he'd walk past our house on route to the fields and hoped he would as I knew he'd get a shock.
A few weeks ago we purchased a bungalow just down the road from where we live as an investment/rental property. What a state it was in, filthy. Didn't realise what we were taking on until they moved out so we're gutting it; the only thing not ripped out is the bathroom as it's only a year old. So yes ladies, I'm back to painting AGAIN. Sorry, I digress. There is a point to this as dear hubby was down there working outside and let's just say our HS wouldn't have expected to see him there.

What gets me is if we happen to drive past them more than once in the space of let's say 15 minutes, we're accused of stalking them[angy]. We're accused of 'driving slowly' past their house (which we partly own any way) but it's OK for him to walk past our house with our only gc who he hasn't let us have any contact with for almost 2 years. Cruel and insensitive springs to mind. Well just let him kick off when we send our gc a Christmas and bday card again. Yes, please kick off, I dare you.

Oh dear, you did so well not mentioning your D and GC in your post Yogagirl and here I am letting the side down , sorry ladies. And to answer your question yes, that is good; for you I mean, not me.

Hope you have a great time Celebgran. Sorry you're still having foot problemsbut at least you're not letting that interfere with having fun and keeping active.

I feel much better for having had that rant; thanks ladies.for you all xxx

Wow smileless that must be sooo hard. Is it worse for me as I will ever chance to see my little mollie or new babies or Tor ! They live 40 miles away.
so sorry that is painful for you to see little chap

Lovely afternoon with Danika 15 months now and so active! Her mum is so welcoming too it does help so much. I not feeling. Great though I was determined to see little one but we have postponed dinner with friends till tomorrow, just feel headachey and my eyes bit blurry think we just exhausted from weekend.

Yogagirl you are right but of course my son and his partner have no savings she has 2 teenagers so they see. Struggle she was our work for few months last year and they run up debts then!

Can only advise them but at least with both working and my son nearer his job they should get back on track!

Well done from me too yogagirl is good chat about other positive stuff.

Welcome also Ivanovo we are friendly supportive group and have all kept each other going for months now!

Sorry you are in this estranged position.

If anyone interested I belong to support group o. F book and if anyone interested just pm me an email address to get added, it is a private closed group.
Some of them links are very good. Just been reading some of them and what impressed me were 2 things 1 don't blame yourself of admit to anything untrue or unkind said about you.
2. Draw a bold line on letting. The misery take the fun our of your life, never give up hope but absolutely refuse to let the estrangement ruin your life.

Very good pieces of advice I felt.

Well hello ladies and welcome Ivanovo. I must say Ivanovo I too, have recently found this thread and will say that Smileless, Yogagirl, and Celebgran have given so much support within the short time I have been posting. The great thing is that they all completely understand the heartache we are experiencing, to which they offer their unconditional love and support. I am also so sorry to hear that you are suffering, as we all are . But as you quite rightly said 'onwards and upwards'

'Yogagirl' I hope you get your tablet sorted what a nightmare (grrr). Hope you enjoyed your yoga yesterday and soon warmed up - have never tried yoga - is it very relaxing?

'Celebgran' sorry to hear that your not feeling to good at the moment but glad to hear that you had a lovely afternoon with Danika - is that your friends gc?

'Smileless' how awful for you to have to see your grandson on a regular basis and not be able to share. How cruel are our children? - they should be ashamed of themselves!
I bet it was a shock for your son seeing your husband doing work on your new house - but what a triumph that you that have something in your life that they didnt know about and shows them you are getting on with your life, despite their cruelty. Is that bad of me? lol.

'Celebgran' my NS also wants nothing to do with his brother ever again and never wants to talk about him, he thinks we should just forget about him and get on with our lives. Easier said than done - but we try, try and keep on trying.

Anyway ladies take care, keep strong and remember onwards and upwards.

and hugs to all

xxx

A very warm welcome to you Ivanhova5. I am so so sorry that you find your self in the same situation as us, which has prompted you to join this thread, but glad that you have decided to post.

There are some truly lovely ladies here and I know that you will find as much understanding and compassion on this thread as you would hope to find any where.

Yes, I know its very late and you will all probably be in the land of nod but my anger has deteriorated in to sorrow and tears. Just when I'm feeling much stronger some thing happens to bring me back down again.

I keep thinking about his hands. They're quite small for a man and that seems to summon up his vulnerability. Oh what am I saying. After all he's done here I am thinking about small hands and vulnerability. Too much and brandy I guess. Or may be it's simply because I'm his mum and I love him. In spite of everything, I love him. I wish I didn't but I do.

To be honest Celebgran I think it's worse seeing our little gc the way we did today than not seeing him at all. May be I should have stopped the car, got out and spoken to him (my gs) not my son obviously.

I feel as if it's 'Ground Hog Day' and I can't escape from this nightmare. I've made such an effort to be strong and get on with my life but now I'm not sure if I can. I just want to hold my son in my arms and for things to be the way they used to be. I want to be able to love him and I want him to be able to love me.

My dear hubby has just read this post. I said I'm a silly old moo and he said we're both silly old moossuch is life I guess. Pretty shit at the moment but life none the less.

Thank goodness for gransnet and this thread. I mean, come one, where else could I vent my spleen at this time of night. God bless and sweet dreams.

Well smileless I'm not in the land of nod yet as been watching a film with my other son and his lovely girlfriend. Hubby at work and I don't go back for another week or so, so afraid a lot of late nights and late lie ins lol! Oh my body clock is all over the place ha.

I agree it must be far far worse watching your dear family from afar and yes you must feel angry, I know I would. How insensitive of them, do they really feel it necessary to torment you? You'd think they would do the decent thing and move away!

It's funny isn't it? No matter how much they hurt or torment us, we still love them with all of our hearts, but I suppose that's just being a mum!! We love them but we don't like them!

You are not a silly old moo at all!!! You are a loving caring mum who is hurting, but you are strong and you will pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on and don't let them win!!!!

Oh my listen to me all the positivity from you ladies must be rubbing off on me lol!

Anyway night night all, sleep right. Tomorrow's another day!

Take care

Xxx

smileless and also [cake] and

No words can make it better but you are t alone and do hope today is brighter for you.

Danika is my brother grandaughter and she is a poppet 15 months now we see. Her regularly since she was born only lives short walk away from us.
Her grandad is my twin so we close too.

Still like painful ache seeing her grow up and to able see our own little ones but we have t to focus on positives.

Mums70 glad we helping we try and chest about good stuff and not dwell on heartache but are here for each other if we need sound off or feel down.

I went acquacise and swam 10 lengths. My emotions seem all over the place at moment we had such lovely weekend but step grandsons are lovley just they not ours, hope that does not sound horrid.

Great see my son though and who news they do talk about adding to family!

Well Celebgran what wonderful news that your son is talking about adding to your family! I know that won't fill the painful gap in your heart, but will certainly ease the pain and allow you to give and of course receive the love you so desperately need to share with a precious grandchild! I'm so happy for you that you have an un strained relationship with your son and that he provides you with the normal, loving relationship you so , so deserve!!!

I also have a wonderful and close relationship with my other son, who is kind, caring and is always there for a hug if I need one! He despises his brother for the pain and anguish he has caused us and sadly wants nothing more to do with him, and although I am grateful for his unconditional support, it saddens me that he has lost his brother! He, out of all of this mess doesn't deserve it!

Anyway, back to my day and Smileless I hope your feeling brighter today? Have been thinking about you a lot since your last post! Keep your chin up and remember don't let them win!!!!

Love n hugs
Xxx