Cut out of their lives 3

Afternoon ladies. Glad yesterday is over, thanks for your support Mums70 and Celebgran I'm feeling OK now. The good thing is I get over these episodes a lot quicker than I used too which must be a positive sign.

It's such a shame Mums70 that this has damaged your sons relationship with one another. They're so short sighted aren't they. They think it is just their parents they're cutting out of their lives but in our son's case the only family member he has any contact with is his older brother and they aren't communicating as often as they were.

It must be wonderful being able to spend time with your step gc Celebgran but also difficult when you're unable to see your daughter's children.

Well, I'm off to do some more painting; at least I've plenty to keep me busy. Cross every thing you can for me, that I wont see them again today, or the next etc etc.

Ah dear Smileless you're having a bad night, reading your weds post,bringing a tear to my eye. I feel the same as you, I try not to love my D, but really I do. I was just thinking; 'I'm never going to see them again' s.i.l mother is having all the pleasure of watching my beloved GC grow up and my little Laila calling her nannie but she's not Laila's nannie, I am Not sure if it's best not to see GC in passing, I would love a glimpse of mine. I don't think I would stop & say hello, as they would look at me as a stranger & I couldn't bear that How cruel our children are to us, I have always only ever loved & cherished my D, been there for her no-matter what & protected her, & protecting her is what got me cut out!
When will she wake up?? You've started me off now Smileless
Glad you had a good visit with your Danika & your S's step-children, but I understand it will never be the same feeling as your own GC Celebgran Poor ole`Smileless didn't get that cake you sent her
A student of mine came back to my Thursday class, I hadn't seen her for months & she said she had been looking after her GD who was born the same time as my Laila, she was gushing about her darling GD, who actually looks a lot like my Laila & she was asking me question about Laila, about starting school & on & on, I just answered in mono syllables & really wanted the floor to swallow me up, but I didn't tell her, others standing with us knew but didn't say, ruined my day, made me feel quite upset couldn't enjoy my yoga as I usually do to make me feel better.
Welcome Ivanhova5 sorry to hear your in the same sad boat as all of us on here, this thread is of great solace to us all, I don't know your story, perhaps you would enlighten me/us & you Mums70 I don't know your story either.
Hope your feeling better today Smileless I know you have a another post on the next page but I'm not sure if I will lose this post if I turn over, so won't chance it.
Anyway it's Friday

I am feeling better thank you Yogagirl. I seem to recover from these painful episodes much quicker than I used too.

I'm sorry for bringing a tear to your eyesand that you didn't enjoy your yoga today. It's almost unbearable isn't it, listening to other gp's tales of their gc.

You sound like me, if I've started typing a message and then look at another page, I tend to lose my reply, so don't so it any more.

How are you doing Celebgran, hope your foot is feeling better today.

Have a good weekend every oneand more to get you all started. xxx

Just seen the M&S advert (half way through, missed the beginning) with the little girl putting on her new school uniform, same age as my Laila I think

Well 'Yogagirl' I havent seen my son or only gc for over a year now. His gf is alot older than him and although at the beginning of their relationship she was the lovliest girl you'd ever wish to meet, but sadly we had the audacity to challenge (in a nice way) a decision they made, whereby her family were deemed more important than his. This unfortunately led to a massive argument which ended in his estrangement from us! I do believe that he is extremely influenced by her, but that is no excuse, he needs to grow a pair lol.

Its so very hard isnt it to see other people with their grandchildren? I know I look at children at roughly the same age and it breaks my heart knowing that I will never be a part of my gds life . But hey ho we have to carry on and hope that one day we will all have grandchildren that we can love and cherish and that they will love and cherish us too.

So enjoy the rest of the weekend ladies
Take care
xxx

Hello, ladies, good morning! To be brief- I'm really here under a false flag as my first grandchild is due in October. No on told us - we found out on Facebook, but only because my daughter in laws family posted to say how excited they were. That really hurt, especially as I'd called my son the day before! They were married in Nov last year, and we heard nothing from them - we have to make all the calls. Not a Christmas card, no thanks for the presents we sent them (they spend their Christmases with her mother - 20 mins walk away from us, we don't see them) We will never be allowed to see the child, as this girl hates us, and I don't know why. The pair have been together now for 10 years, and apart from when she stayed at our house at the begining, she never speaks to us. However, yesterday tea time we got a call from out son - can he come round to see us? So he's call round today, and I feel sick. What can he want to say to us? I think that it's almost too late for bridges, he's treated us appallingly, made both me and husband ill with worry and depression, and now suddenly he wants to come round. When I told husband he said "what does he want?" and i feel that's right. How could it all have gone so wrong? I've just got up, and I have a headache. Sorry if this is a long and hysterical ramble, I'll make coffee, and calm down - maybe! But it is good to come on here

Well good morning ladies!
Ivanovo5 how worried, sick, and anxious you must feel!!!!
I'm hoping and wishing that things go well for you today and that the visit with your son will be everything you want it to be and more
I will and I'm quite sure the other ladies on here will wait with baited breath, to hear how you went on.
Sending good vibes your way!
Take care
X

Ok - ladies - it's update time. And I really am stunned. Have just taken son back to his flat - note his flat. His wife (married Nov last year) has left him. The baby due in October may be her boyfriends, who she was seeing before they got married. I just don't know what to think. He has known for a while, but couldn't bring himself to come round (a point I can understand having been humiliated many years ago by an ex) Anyway he's coping really well, is being positive. Husband and I will be making inroads into strong drink. Apologies for being even more rambiling than mormal.

Good news for you Ivanova5 you can now look forward to your DS meeting someone nice & giving you some lovely GC
Thanks for sharing your story Mums70 I hope things sort out for you in the not too distant future
It's so sad to be cut off from the ones we love. My ND just showed me a pic of my lovely Laila holding a great big fish that her step-dad had just caught, he totally ruined the picture by being in it too I'm better off not seeing any pics as it really upsets me her face is changing.
I spent a few days with my sister in Whitstable in Kent. She has just bought a flat there by the sea. We had a lovely time walking by the sea with the rain lashing down on us
Hope your still ok Smileless & Celebgran

Ivanova from what you say, there is a possibility that the child could be your son's. There was nothing rambling about your post, which in the circumstances is pretty amasing. If I'd received the news you've had, I'd be a complete mess.

What a terrible situation for you all to be in; I really don't know what to say. Yogagirl is right of course, if the breakup is permanent your son may well meet a lovely young lady and have a happy future ahead of him but if the child is his it's going to be a very difficult time for you all. In the absence of knowing what to say I'm sending you.

Oh Yogagirl we're damned if we don't see them or their photo's and we're damned if we do. When ever I'm out, I'm looking at little children who I think are the same age as our gc and I try to imagine that it's me holding their hand, talking to them, watching them smile and listening to them laugh.

Poor hubby had a fight with his van and a lamp post the other day; the lamp post wonand thank goodness it was only the van that was damaged. He's feeling rather low at the moment. I some times think we attribute our low times to what's going on with our S when it probably isn't always the case; I guess it's bec. this bloody nightmare is always there and the added pressure makes other difficulties so much harder to contend with.

Saw an old friend today who I haven't seen for years. She asked about the boys, were they married, were we grand parents yet. I told her about our S and she was shocked and horrified as she knew how close we used to be. Then she smiled, put her hand on my shoulder and said 'but you do look fantastic' and I thought well, perhaps 'fantastic' is over stating it a bit but I'll take the complement and you know what, I do look pretty good, all things considered. As my dear sweet gran would have said 'your looks don't pity you'.

Well it's nearly the end of another week ladies and we're all still here, getting on with our lives as best we can so here's somefor you all in readiness for TGIF, but if you can't wait until tomorrow, I wont tell.

Morning girls
On my new Hudl, getting used to the keyboard, not very well! Seems I don't need to use the space bar! Put screen saver on wrongly and had to take it off and start again with a new one [angery] taking me ages just to write this!
Sorry to hear about the _lamp post_ your husband Smileless hope he's OK. It's awful when you meet someone you haven't seen for a while, and they ask about your family, you just want the ground to open up! [Flowers] to cheer you up.
Back on later and then I'll share some wine with you, well it's Friday

Hi yogagirl and smileless and anyone else!

Sorry been quiet lately not bee feeling that strong had massive blip last Friday Just got obsessed with wanting see Tor

Sadly it all makes husband and me edgy.

HOPE We can rise above it. Did. Not sleep well last night stupid itchy arm did give In and go doctor wed horrid chap then had bad dream and woke in horrid panic,n. Doctor
Prescribed some steroid cream but wasnt very helpful at all.
Not working that well yet! Think was when weather very hot it started.

Sorry smileless about your husband knock long as he is ok
I know exactly what you mean we never sure if things affect us more just because the massive sadness is behind us all time,
Will be our 6th Xmas without our daughter oh god so long.

Never mind only 3 weeks til our algarve hol and my lovely son Invited us to stay week before for my birthday bless him.
Yogagirl he is having dreadful trouble getting. Deposit back from previous place they said garden needs turfing as his partner grew vegetables ?! They asked permission for this. . I so wish he wasn't renting and worry that he is struggling financially I know he is as he supports 2 stepsons oh dear can't keep worrying but he is all we have.

Think I. Need as you say it is Friday. Husband is cooking steak bless better go offer help.

Foot killing me also walked Rosie round block and did town And supermarket
Also had physio. He did give me deep massage on Foot today.

Have good weekend smileless it is. Ever easy our elderly. Neibor upset me yesterday showed her some pics from last weekend and there were some old pics of me and Tor she said never noticed you looked like her before well things will never alter now, just didn't want hear that !
Sorry it upset you smileless I won't lie if people ask but try. It volunteer info if not find it less upsetting! X

hello, everyone - nice to see you all here. We are still in a state of being somewhat stunned. I need to interrogate son to find out more details, but from what we can pick out, his wife - on the day of the wedding - told her mother "she didn't think she could go through with this". Her mother thought just nerves, but now we know better. She was shaking all through the ceremony - I was sorry for her being so nervous! And when I look at the photos, I could spit. Really, she's missed her vocation and should be on the stage (the next one leaves in 5 minutes - sorry - old joke!) DIL was texting boyfriend whilst on honeymoon! My son thought she was texting her sisters. What a mess this is - you'll see us all on Jeremy Kyle yet!
I am so sorry reading some of the stories here, but at least we can provide you with a spot of light relief! I have to treat this as a cabaret act, or I'd be bouncing off the walls.
Love to you all, and , and for us all. We deserve it

Oh dear Celebgran so sorry to hear you are having a low/dark time of it, we all do from time to . I am I'm feeling down this week as my little GD will be starting school this week for the first time. I can just imaging her little uniform hanging in readeness, she would have phoned me when she got home to tell me all about her first day at school. Also I've seen a couple of photos of her looking all grown up, really upset me! Best I don't see any more I think.
Thinking strongly of outting my GC nasty stepfamily too, but hesitant! I was thinking of posting on FB through the grandparents alienation page & getting everyone to 'like&share', telling how my GD has had not just her devoted family taken away from her,and I mean everyone, but also her name! (Her middle and last, which are my names) bit afraid, what do you think? I think if they are doing what they think is right, then they won't mind!
Hope your foots better Celebgran & I would have thought it a plus to have a vegetable garden, but they will say anything to keep the deposit I'm afraid!
For you too Ivanhoe & Smileless

Oh dear Ivanhoe your poor son! &

Be careful yogagirl best not do that however tempting it is, in long run it will only give them ammunition against you. I am on Facebook but Tor came off it after we saw picture of our little Granddaughters I was hoping see my twin brother yesterday for lunch but,sadly his partner. Threw wobbly very normal for her, she didn't want to Go when we chose warned go overpriced place we been few times and didn't like last time grrrr was sad as wanted un have early birthday meal.

Never mind feel bit brighter had.nice lunch with friend from college and we went back folk dancing tonight managed quite a bit before foot became too painful was good go back. Also my nephew is coming rind sat to check on coving over kitchen cupboard (he is carpenter) and is bringing Monika and baby Danika, who is 16 months now!

yogagirl and big hug is so hard remember feeling. That way when little mollie started school why our kids do this to us I will. NEver understand,

Hope,day gone well smileless and rest ladies on here xx

Yogagirl, i wouldn't do it!
Facebook is awful for that. I don't have a 'toxic' DIL but its my MIL who behaves really oddly! We are NC with her

She decided to air all our family matters all over facebook and it made everything 10x worse for herself. My DH hit the roof.

The place for Dirty laundry is in the wash basket, not Facebook.
Don't lower yourself.X

Hello RHMummy
Thank you for your advise. I have just come on here after writing out in a rather large 'nut shell' what I intended putting on the grandparents alienation Face Book page & getting everyone to 'like&Share' hoping it reached them & all that know them, including the school, but I saved it in my documents, deciding to come on here to see if anyone had come forward with some advise for me before posting it. I'm sure my ND would not be happy & you are now the third person, along with Celebgran, to advise me strongly not to post it, so I think I must heed your words, although I really do want to post it . Just re-read your post..OK I wont post it.
Thank you for your advise also Celebgran, I think it's because the pain is so great at the moment, knowing my Laila is about to start a new phase in her little life by going to school for the first time, I feel I need to let it out & I want everyone in my GD step-families lives to know the truth, along with her school, it's so cruel!
Hope your foot gets better Celebgran, well you will keep dancing on it & enjoy your visit from baby Danika
Thank God for Gransnet!!

It must be horrible, i only wish my MIL was as bothered as you.
My MIL wrote a pack of lies which is why my DH wasn't happy!

I believe in Karma and keep hold of that.
Why dont you post it on here? Would that help?

Well done Yogagirl for resisting the temptationandfor you. I have to say I had an OMG moment when I read about your intentions. It isn't that they don't deserve it because they do, but you're better than they are.

That's the kind of thing they've been doing to you, albeit on a smaller scale. It's what our children and their partners and their partners families have been doing to us all so I know everyone on here understands your frustration.

I know how badly you want 'to let it out'; I do too. I want to go to my son's house and tell him what he's done to us. I want to cry, scream and shout. I want to shake him and ask 'why?' Tell me why, not the lies you and your wife have told to try and justify the unjustifiable, but the truth.

But what's the point. If he HAD to tell the truth, if he was some how prevented from uttering a single lie, then he'd have nothing to say because there is no reason. There isn't one single solitary thing we have ever done to make him cut us out of his life and the life of our only gc. and there's nothing you Yogagirl or any of the other ladies on here have done to deserve to be treated this way.

Your dear Laila's step family know the truth and it will come out one day, the truth always does in the end. I posted this once before but it seems apt to post it again.

"There is not only a second chance, there are a thousand second chances, to speak up, to act bravely, to face the fact that sooner or later must be faced" William Maxwell (from Time Will Darken It).

May be our children will never speak up and act bravely, but one day they will have to face the fact that sooner or later must be faced. They were loved, nurtured and cared for. Of course we made mistakes, every one does and that includes our children, but the fact they'll all have to face is we aren't being treated this way because we're bad parents, we're being treated this way because they've chosen bad people to share their lives with and for what ever reason they've gone along with their wishes and hurt us in the worst possible way.

I'm sending you allbecause you're all lovely ladies and you deserve them.

Well done Celebgran and RedheadedMommy for your wise words and sound advice.

Take care everyone. As you said Yogagirl 'Thank God for Gransnet'

PS 8 weeks in to my 12 week program at the gym. Total weight loss 8lbs BUT total inch loss 7.5 only 4 more weeks to go!!

Well done smiless and put me to shame I have now put on 14lb since last year and am ashamed!

Omg it looks worse in print.

Good girl yogagirl ! It would. to Anvers helped but fully understand why.

I was so pxxx. X off with my brother he cancelled our lunch out o. Sunday because we did t fancy overpriced place his partner insisted on going to.
Tonight she texted me that it ticked all the boxes! Shame about Sunday hope see you soon . Right I don't think so I am afraid texted her right back and said very unlikely sorry you didn't want see us especially with our birthday (myntwin) being imminent. Also texted john my brother and said can't believe you let us down hope she is worth it, I. May add she chucks him out on regular basis he is in B and B regularly.

Rant over. night night all x

Morning girls
Thank you Smokeless for your nice post and well done on your gym and weight loss
Everyone knows my story on here RHMommy so will not put post on here, it was for people in my GC lives that have been told lies. My Laila's step family claim to be her real family and they are not ! I possible wouldn't feel as bad as I do if they were. My s.I.L's mother emailing me, telling me what a wonderful time she's having watching my Laila grow up and telling me she will make sure I never see her again! I don't think she has the right! My Laila looks just like my D and me at that age, like looking in a mirror, that's why those photos upset me so
Sorry to hear your cancelled meal upset you Celebgran book another place that you know you both like. If it makes you feel better, I've put about 8ibs on! I lost a lot in the first year of losing my D and GC but getting it back now
This Hudl is difficult to get used to

Please be careful with identifying children ect, do you know that these pages can be linked to FB and Twitter?

Sorry [Smileless] ,it just did it again! Changed smile to smoke! It obviously what's you to give up smoking lol