Cut out of their lives 3

Am I ok to pop in here now and again? I have no advice to offer, but I do know about loss.

Aka of course you are welcome lovely hear from you none of us have magic answers we just love to chat! Off to my client now back hopefully after hospital appt.

It's great to hear from you Aka as Celebgran said we don't have any magic answers but do love to chat. Every one is welcome; the more the merrier I say .

Look forward to sharing with you.

I've just seen this thread & am puzzled by it - as if there are rules that only some people understand - like the unspoken rules of 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue' on Radio 4. It does feel very excluding & I wonder why those who want to support each other through chatting like this, which clearly helps to keep you going, don't do so via pms or private email/facebook group. Are you really happy that anyone googling gransnet or this topic can see all the personal stuff you write about?

I've thought that too, Gadabout. No one ever knows who might be reading this forum and if by some mischance a family member or someone who could identify a poster, read some of these posts I imagine it would kill any hopes of a reconciliation stone dead.

It's surprisingly easy to identify people from the information which is shared on public forums and angry or derogatory comments don't make for future peace.

Not sure i understand what you mean gadaboutgran.....ive never listened to radio4 so know nothing about the program...there are no rules and not sure what you mean about it being an excluding thread....it may come across as such because we all on here have estranged children/ grandchildren in common and it helps us all to cope with the situation by sharing our experiences ....i see no reason to pm facebook etc when we are comfortable chatting on this thread... I for one am not bothered who sees my postings we are all anonymous on here anyway...

I have been wondering about this. Whatever I post I'm very aware that a friend or family could see it.

It is frighteningly easy to track someone down on the Internet, Dollie!

I know it is i never said it wasnt i just said that i wasnt bothered...

That is fine, then!

I assume that the thread continues because it has proved to be supportive to those in the unfortunate situation. Sending private messages might not achieve the same breadth of opinion and ideas; and facebook is no safer than Gnet.

Very true mishap...i find it very frustrating though having our motives questioned all the time on the thread when all us estranged grans want to do is support one another...

A private closed FB group cannot be accessed by anyone other than invitees. As for support, that is an excellent thing. But making derogatory comments about family members (even if the poster is sure they are justified) will not lead to a peaceful resolution if they are stumbled upon by the person being vilified.

It was October of last year that I first posted on here. My dear hubby had heard about GN and found this particular thread, or should I say COOTL2. I was in a bad way at the time; a very bad way.

How wonderful to be welcomed and able to share with people who truly understood what I was going through bec. they were going through the same thing.

It really saddens me Gadaboutgran that this particular thread is so often regarded as being exclusive . Aka posted on here earlier today and was given a warm welcome, as will any one. I just hope that she wont now be put off from posting on here again.

You are quite right Mishap, this thread continues bec. it does give support, and the success of COOTL is demonstrated by the fact that it is now on its third thread. As you say Dollie all we seek to do here, us estranged grans, is try and support one another and find support for our selves.

There are no rules on this thread apart of course from the ones that shouldn't have to be stated: to accommodate freedom of speech with respect and a degree of sensitivity to the, at times, honestly expressed pain and anger that many on COOTL experience.

I do take your point MiceElf but better that I should vilify those that I do, on here, with a user name rather than do so to family members and neighbors in an attempt to turn them against my s and d.i.l., which unfortunately is the reality of my own experience.

Please just let us do what I think we all do very well; care and support one another during our bad days and share general chit chat and humor when our days good.

Hear hear smileless and has been a very bad day today!

Saw cardiologist my husband been I. Dreadful mood, hasn't helped, not sure if he feels unwell.

Specialist reckons if my artery heart scan emit week is clear I have to have lung tests oh dear he wants get bottom of breathlessness. I also. Eyed to lose about 2 stone great!

So bit on low side !

If that's not enough we had awful row on way home where I got blames for our family situation. Can it get worse.? Now not sure if we actually going see our so. Tomorrow with all this upset.

Oh Celebgran I'm so sorry you've had such a rotten day. I'm sending you a hug, wish we had a picture of a hug. There you are GNHQ, do you think you could supply us with on .

May be you oh isn't feeling too good at the moment. If nothing else, he must be worried about you with so many health concerns. Do go and see you son tomorrow, it will do you both the world of good. for you and for you both to share; make that a bottle though and not just one glass .

Thanks my dear smileless what a good idea lots of it!

Got to starve myself also to lose this blesses weight.

Yeah he is worried but weird not to be more supportive.

Morning ladies...early but the sun is shining and the sky is blue long may it last...

Good post smileless i agree with you whole heartedly...

Celebgran forget the bad day yesterday and go and enjoy your visit with your son...it will make you feel heaps better....

I bet your husband is worried with all thats going on and having difficulty in handling the situation your all in...it may seem you cant do right for doing wrong but you must try and let things calm down....men arent emotional like us and find it hard to deal with emotional stuff...

Re losing weight do not starve yourself thats the worst thing you can do just put your meals on a smaller plate and eat regularly you will see the weight fall off...yes it does work...

Enjoy your day xx

No I won't be put off posting smileless. I manage ok most of the time, but sometimes even after 5+ years I have meltdown a day or night. Friends assume (or prefer to assume) I've 'got over it' and I can't lay my feelings on my DS or DiL as I need to be 'strong' for them. It's never going to go away.
Today I'm feeling strong, not emotional, except somewhat puzzled by gadabouts post.
I'm puzzled by why she can't figure it out for herself. But then my feelings turn to something more negative'. I'm trying not to be angry at that post, because there is enough hurt, anger and pain in this thread without someone adding to it.
It helped that Mishap understood. So moving on.....

celegran what form does your breathlessness take?

When I'm feeling down i read this poem...i hope it helps you as it has me..

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Maya Angelou

Sorry you had such a tough day yesterday Celebgran and I hope today is better for you. It is good that this thread helps you all, keep up the good work

D0LLIE
I love that, I'm glad it keeps you strong.

DOLLIE have just read that poem, it is brilliant. I hope you don't mind but I am printing it off because I know of someone who could do with it right now and I should like to keep it close by too

I always read the posts on this thread and have often thought I should post something supportive for all the sad Grans who are the main contributors.

I feel, probably like some other GNs, that it might appear intrusive and insensitive to do so. Those of us who are fortunate to have good relationships with their DC and DGC cannot feel the pain and heartache so evident on here, but maybe we should all be more aware and more sympathetic to those who are obviously suffering.

So ladies, please do not feel alone in your sadness. I am sure that I am not the only GN, who feeling blessed with my own family, also empathises with your situations. Positive thoughts and hopes for a resolution to you all.