Cut out of their lives 3

Well Grans, sorry been offline for a while. I think I might have been waiting on hearing from my D, but nothing as yet!! Thank you for all your nice words you sent to me after reading my letter/email to my D.

Yogagirl, I’m assuming your over your man flu, it’s been a while now. However, just read you shared it with Celebgran, clever you, we all like to share .

Yogagirl & D0LLIE, I belive my D would also do the same as both your D’s resume as if nothing has happened!!

Smileless2012, how is your Mum now, nice to hear she went to a care home. When are you off to Oz? Smileless & Nightowl I too love getting into bed with clean sheets (which I did on Sunday night), especially if they have been outside drying.

Celebgran, fab news about your scan, so so so happy for you. Hope the bet blockers are working. Have you tried the Joe Cross juicing programme? H & I did it for about 2 weeks, still having a salad at night though. We have not done juicing much, it was a kick start for us, but we have now swapped to smaller plates. I have gone down 2 dress sizes and H has lost 2.5 stone , he looks great . At the weekend we went out and had a starter and then we shared a goat’s cheese burger on focaccia bun, I was so bloated afterwards. Once upon a time we would have had one each. Thanks for asking why I hadn’t posted for a while. Did Yogagirl pass her man flu to you then? Very sorry to hear your sad news about your good friend who died, and the fact that her daughter is due to give birth next month, you could support her and her child.

Marelli, thanks for you best of wishes it’s such a shame that our D’s don’t get in touch with us. I too have heard nothing, but I really don’t expect to. At least once again she knows we're here for her and the family and it’s always totally unconditional love.

D0LLIE, such a shame your going through the troubles with 2 of your D’s and feel like your GC only come around when they want something. I’m afraid that’s the way of the world now with “thank you’s on Facebook”, don’t take it to heart, it is what it is with youngsters and technology today.

Ariadne, welcome, I’m doing okay, nice to see you pop in and ask how we all are doing .

Ashmore, welcome, glad D0LLIE invited you to join. I am really, really sorry to hear your story, you poor thing, that’s so devastating. We all hope you find some support here and that it will help you get through your difficult days, we all sure have plenty of them. Hope you enjoy your new place, when you find it. We are looking around, I want to downsize as we had a bedroom for the gc and a playroom, we have now amalgamated all in one, very sad when we did this.

boheminan, welcome, nice to know that you pop in now and again. Sorry you’re another that is going through this debacle that our children seem to put us through, what a sad state of affairs. I too hope that you can meet your gc and your D can see life is too short and we wont live forever. I often wonder if something happened to me, would my D be sad, guilty, etc!!

Nightowl, you don’t have to come on here and share our pain, I’m glad there is someone not going through what a lot of us are. So glad you had a great day out in the countryside and a nice pub lunch. Look forward to hearing from you when you pop in and out

Aka, nice to know that you are still keeping up with us and all of our posts

I’m not looking forward to mother's day, at all like all of us probably .

Well we’re off to Fort William 4 - 8th April; there will be over 90 ex WRAC ladies there, so looking forward to it (went last year too). H will go off and do his photography.

Hugs to all

Hello Smileless
I can understand how you feel, I have day dreamed lots, of a reunion with my D, when it first happened I dreamed of her knocking on the door and us cuddling and kisses and crying for joy, but now I see her standing on the other side of the room, with me sitting trying to coax my GC to come and say hello to me, all very strained. So Smileless I would not try to plan or think about what will happen, and it will now, just let it all unfold naturally. As you say it would be best if it was after your visit to your other S in Oz, but if its before, just let it flow and unfold naturally
Sorry you are having nightmares Celebgran good job you have your lovely hubby there to comfort you. At least you are feeling better, with good results from the hospital (apart from the sneezes) to brighten up the rest of your day.
I re-wrote and sent my D that last letter, telling her our pain at not having her and previous GC in our lives (me+ND), I ended by saying my door will always be open to her and GC and that I hoped she would be happy in the life she has chosen for her and her children and ended with saying I would not contact her again

Looks like I missed the last page again , I'll be back on in a bit xx

Well done on your weight loss librachick
For the first time I need to lose half a stone, normally I put on a bit over Xmas, but then it just drops off when I get back to normality, but this year it hasn't gone Enjoy your trip to Fort William xx

Evening ladies. Good to hear from you Librachick and sorry that you haven't heard back from your d. especially after sending her such a lovely and heartfelt letter/email. You've done all you can; what more do we have to offer other than our unconditional love.

Have a great time at Fort William. A break away will do you the world of good and help keep your mind busy. Hope your H enjoys his photography and gets some good pics.

We go to Oz 2 weeks on Monday, arriving the following day. I'm trying to focus on our trip and the joy of seeing our s and giving him a hug; it will have been just over a year since he left the UK so lots to look forward too.

Thank you Yogagirl. I know you're right and we must let things develop naturally at their own pace. I hope that having sent your D your last letter brings you some peace. It made me so to think of you finding the words you needed to say. to brighten up your evening.

Sorry that you've been having nightmares Celebgran. Dreams are strange things aren't they. When they're horrible we just want to wake up and when they're lovely we don't want them to end. Hope you have sweet dreams tonight .

A good evening and pleasant dreams to you all. I know it's only Wednesday and maybe we should wait until the weekend for some but I'm sending you all a glass as I thought it wasn't fair to Yogagirl to send you all a .

Went for my annual review....might have to start up a percussion group, added another BP tablet and aspirin I am definitely going to rattle. Apparently my BP is way too high and aspirin is precautionary due to changes on my ecg. I then went on to discuss the pros and cons....yet a little sleeping tablet or relaxer for bedtime for a week or two nearly had the Doctor having a turn. But an antidepressant might be appropriate....Really I thought....i am sure in a month or two with the helpI have had here to distract me, and my dogs doing their best to make me feel better even of their wet kisses are not expected my BP will settle and my anxieties lessen. As for the counselling a drug free solution is apparently not available to extended members of lost to adoption children. so I asked what about PTSD from the SS behaviours.....Attacking professionals seems no excuse either.
to Libra Chick, please give my best to Fort William, memories of nearly wrecking my car at the Marines memorial...1988 and 3 anniversaries. Love Scotland, shame my Husband is too English to retire north of the border!
on a countdown to Friday a new spring and new beginnings. Need to try and get away for a holiday this year nothing fancy as long as we don't have to camp....hate camping! I would love to go to Australia, but with my relatives living among several poisonous locals it won't be happening!!!

I saw a silly quote on a friends fb page attributed to Albert Einstein
"Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance, you must keep moving." Best learn to ride a bike maybe....learned to ride a horse, but never a bike!

I really wish I could say something to help you all with your losses. Especially with Mothers day coming round again. very sad that your children cannot see what they are missing out on...:0(

Thank you dear ladies for lovely support.

Smileless I am Getting excited for you about oz come round so quickly.
So so pleased younger reply bide your tie. Have good feeling about it.

Sleep lots better last night thank you all. I walked for hour and half with club impressed? Then We have lunch I did not have pudding did have 2 ht cross buns when got in

Libra is lovely see you post don't get too down that your lovely communication was not answered you are not alone

Yogagirl I too feel so sad like smileless that you had to write that letter,
We have date April 14 that my husband may try visit with daughters godmother, so unsure but feel what have we to lose. If that gore belly up it will be the end I already can't go myself again it is mental torture.

Not sure how could cope without lovely support from you amazing ladies.
We away Mother's Day warners hotel at littlecote house, worked last year, and yippee. My son is going visit, so will be even better.
Part of me will be so sad as every year but this is the fifth last time visited with presents in early jan I posted on lovely Mother's Day card last one she sent through the door, nothing moves her.

God bless and sleep well dear friends, ps we saw Betty blue eyes at Colchester mercury tonight it was amazing!

Morning, first of of spring today!
Thank you Smileless and yes the last letter to my D did bring me peace, as I got to say the things I have wanted her to know since the beginning of all this, and to dispell the lies, and hopefully I have put the seed in her head that her m.il is not her friend and would turn on a sixpence against her when her S gives the nod ( I didn't put that in the letter, just for her to read between the lines). I said I went to court to be able to see my precious GD and through that to her, and I asked her that if her H had kept her out of their family home and away from her C, where this all began, would she just walk away, or would she go to court, as I did, to see her C again and bring them safely home.
My ND sent me some new pics of GC, but it really upset me, haunted me in fact, cos even their faces are changing with growth, losing their baby faces , It was a group pic of GC with nasty s.i.l in the middle crouching down and looking at Laila, all happy and smiling in the woods, I'm sure they put them on for us to see, to say 'look how happy we are, with you cut out of our lives'
Wish you well Ashmore, yes thats very true, I sa a poem with a pic of an empty chair which read 'Love your parents and treat them with loving care, for you will only know their value when you see their empty chair'
Well done on your two hour walk Celebgran hotcross buns are ok, they are quite low in cals. Best of luck to your hubby on the 14th and enjoy your trip on Mothers day. Like your D, mine never seems to be moved by my letters, I don't know how she can be so cold, we had had not one bad word before this began!
Enjoy the everyone

So tragic seeing posts of people using grandchildren as 'weapons' or 'punishment' for want of better words.

.

Afternoon ladies. Just got back from a lovely shopping spree so now have a nice little pile of new clothes on the spare bed all ready to go in to my suit case, when we buy them, which we plan to do on Sunday after a nice lunch out some where .

Well done Celebgran on your walk, you certainly deserved your hot cross buns especially as you managed to resist a pudding. So pleased that you had a better night's sleep. What a good idea being away for Mother's day. It's such a shame when a day that used to bring us such joy, now brings so much sorrow. Even though you'll be seeing your lovely s, you'll still feel the emptiness not having your d there will bring.

I hope all goes well on April 14th, you must both be feeling anxious about it already. It is, as you say, mental torture. I wonder if there's a secret school some where, where our kids enrolled with out our knowledge, to learn the 'art' of mental torture . They certainly seem to be very good at it don't they.

Oh Yogagirl I'm so sorry that the recent photo's of your dear gc upset you so much . You really are in a catch 22 aren't you. Seeing their photo's is upsetting bec. you can see how quickly they're growing up and changing, but if you don't see them, you can never be really sure what they look like.

I'm glad that sending that letter to your D has brought you some peace. Maybe it would be better if you only saw photo's of them either with your D or on there own, and avoided seeing any that include your awful s.i.l. and/or his family.

Your dogs sound lovely Ashmore I love the way that our pets can pick up on our moods and bring us comfort. I do hope that given time your anxiety will settle which help bring your BP down. to help you relax, to brighten your day and a to give you a treat.

Hope you all have a good evening.

Wonderful smileless nothing like new clothes for holiday !

Sorry iPad awful I hope you deciphered I was so thrilled you got response from your son, be patient looking good.

Been too long for us I fear but who knows try keep some hope alive!

Yogagirl try keep strong, I know just what you going through and am with you all the way.

I wonder who looks at. My blog for mollie my daughter is aware of it so possible, it tells me how many views but not who of course.

We had bedroom window and bathroom ones done today! Oh dear husband got. My cold , whe fitter showed us broke. Fan light but wanted to fit it to save him going back til tomorrow he agreed! I did not, was appalled, rang office and woma. Said she had suggested bringing it out, mmmmmm just hope doors go smoother, asked him to remove bathroom blinds, he en suite one back not working smoothly and husband did other one, not that impressed. Took ages to clear up, was shocked to see state of dust sheets on my lovely bedroom carpet! Still windows looking good and we all cleared up.

Took my Rosie to vets for her monthly anal gland check, he did day weight. to helping her energy ! Sorry Rosie cut backs like me!

Have good evening all of you x
,

Agree ash more it is tragic to use precious new lives and weapons I the cruellest game where no one wins.

Do take care of your health, yogagirl and I have discovered the price of stress ie blood pressure scares for me, it affects so much. Nothing is worth losing your health for not even my precious granddaughters.

Sorry yogagirl I ca. Relate to upset know how we felt seeing that picture on Facebook of my dear little mollie at 5 and half was so painful we. Missed so much let alone the 2 little ones. Never seen, myndaughter must truly hate me to do that.

Oh Celebgran my heart goes out to you, I'm in the same boat as you
Librachick myself and Celebgran all waiting for a little note from our D aren't we, in my last letter I asked my D to write me a little note, to tell me why she cut me out on the 16th Nov 2012, but although I'm sure there will be no reply, one still hopes
Your right about the photo's Smileless, I don't want to see those photos again, so wont be saving them, and yes catch 22, think I'll just stay with the lovely ones I have, with them looking like they did when I was in their lives. Hope alls still going well for you, make sure all those lovely new clothes will fit in your suitcases .
Have a good and Sunday

I hope you are all well. Woke up with a start, forgot my cars MOT last Thursday. Luckily not due til mid April, phew!

Looking forward to the next two days off.....just need for these grey clouds to go away politely! Another buyer viewing on Tuesday so I think the housework can wait until tomorrow evening, hubby can chuck a Hoover round Tuesday morning. I thought brushing dogs was supposed to keep the shedding hair to a minimum!

I returned to one of the mumsnet adoption threads I lurked on before I came here last night, waiting for Real Detectives to start and have come to the opinion that there is not a more self righteous group of women on the planet. I am sure there must be some nice adopters out there, and they are the ones who do not need the adoption forums to pat themselves on the back or make derisory comments to anyone who dares to challenge their opinions!

Might trip over to Wisley later.....need advice for a North facing garden of a bungalow....hoping the sun will peek a bit further up the garden!

Afternoon ladies. Hope you all had a nice day yesterday and are enjoying your Sunday. Got 2 new suitcases this afternoon and 2 pieces of hand luggage, so now I have something to put all of my nice new clothes in .

Had friends over last night for a meal and was rather late to bed so feeling a bit tired this afternoon. Had an awful night on Thursday; was still awake at 3.30 am!!! sooo frustrating, and of course the more frustrated I got, the less likely I was to sleep. I looked and felt like a zombie all day Friday so had to cancel my session at the gym again. Not good; 2 cancelled sessions in one week. Still I'll get back on track this week. Only 2 weeks until we go to Oz so need to make the most of them.

Good idea Yogagirl to just stick with the photo's of when you were in their lives. So sorry that you, Celebgran and Librachick haven't had a response to your letters.

Hope your viewing goes well on Tuesday Ashmore and that you enjoy your 2 days off and get some decent weather. Lovely here yesterday morning and today but by mid afternoon dark clouds and rain and a really cold wind.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone

Feeling soooo sad today, as I feel there is no hope now . My little Laila is my screen saver on my desk top, and when she pops up, I give her little nose a tweak and pat her little belly, but today it was just a very sad stare . Laila is also on my inside mobile cover, brushing her teeth and waving at the camera, I always wave back, and my Little jack & Laila on the front of my mobile, always makes me smile, but not today
Oh dear Ashmore
Oh dear Zombie
Oh dear Celebgran...little Mollie

Oh yogagirl had to respond tho late just to say please don't be too sad or down it is damn hard, but think of your lovley daughter who is in your life and dont give up hope either,

Sending your big hug and lots flowers
Make you laugh had lovely evening and Chinese at friends and wine went early as got lung test tomorrow thought was 12 hrs no alcohol but it is 24!
Oops !

Will have go as 9am too late cancel hope it s ok! Got appt only on Friday and was rush what am I like ?

Smileless glad you got luggage thanks for lovely pm will answer tomorrow
Hope you sleep well tonight I had one of those nights last. Night. X

Well it looks like I have had a good start to my days off and sun again today.

I know what you mean yogagirlabout the photographs, I have some that I used and are also in frames, packed away ready for the move... A will have to treat them like they are grandchildren far away rather than lost. I just hope we can get new ones over the years. I can then set them up on a wall, and pretend. Just have to hope they don't come with a sachet of salt....it is all very sad that children can be so difficult. I have some that the Foster carer sent that I have cropped so It's just my granddaughter rather than a group of unknowns. I don't want one seeing her with the FC who I have doubts about.

Hope the 2 weeks pass quickly for you Smileless and you get back on track for the gym. I have meant to get back to the aquacise but have decided to leave it until we move now. It's less havoc on my knees which have been taking a beating over a couple of falls associated with the he current gas works. Should get them seen to but like most nurses, I am okay dishing the pain out.......and when I do have to get them done , wait so I can play up where no one will know me!! Then of course there are the Physioterrorists to deal with....

Good luck with the lung test Celebgran I used to fail most of the ones I demonstrated to patients at their pre op checks(need a rolling eyes emoticon)

Have a good day everyone

Thanks ash more, gosh felt sick today could it have been Chinese or what mainly catarrh I think.
Anyhow nurse only spoke broken English so was bit worried would not breathe I. And outright times, she had to abort one test and redo one bit of ordeal came out husband chatting away did not even look up glad meeting friend for lunch some times we just grate me and oh !
Ash more what ordeal having peg on nose and like being in labour all this breathing in and out ! Hope I did ok.

Dreading funeral tomorrow got go alone husband work.

Very sad for you ash more to think of little one with foster carer
Hope you feeling bit brighter today yogagirl.

Hope you enjoyed your lunch. Those tests are not nice, the thought of the leg always makes me feel claustrophobic, much like when I tried to snorkel. If you don't mouth breath normally it is not a pleasant experience I can only imagine. Hope you have good news...

Celebrate with or or .... Might have to 'join' you though it may need a Brandy instead or three..

As for funeral, do you know anyone else going you could pair up with? Not sure going alone for anyone I know would be very 'nice', would rather just sit in a garden and think nice things about them...which is what my Mum wants....no fuss

Thanks ashmore I will just go to service not burial or do at pub.

Kinda feel is least can't do not really got anyone who was close to her to ask.

Had lovely lunch! Was good lasagne and salad, no chips did have garlic mushroom starter, was great have catch up with Shirley who I did my anatomy and physiology class with

A&P those were the days. Did an O level Human Biology class while I was trying to get on a conversion course in the early 80's....My Degree educated flat mates were all saying I want revising enough. All I wanted was a C pass, went to the exam, I sat down, and 'praised the lord'.

My area of expertise was orthopaedics,
Draw and label a diagram of the elbow. Discus the type of joint and identify and compare it to a semimovable joint,
Discuss the reflex arc and compare it to conditioned reflex, give examples

I am a woman
Discuss the journey of a sperm to the egg. and give examples of 3 methods of contraception along with their strengths and weaknesses.

My main focus of revision was the environment, water treatment and housing- I was not sure what relevance in a HB O level they had but waffled on through a question about lighting and another about energy conservation.

A few weeks later My A grade pass came through the door.
Glad you enjoyed you lunch and all the best for tomorrow.