Gransnet forums


Selfish Son or is it me

(45 Posts)
over60plus Mon 10-Mar-14 13:53:46

We have a 48 year old son divorced with two grown up kids who are super he's been in a relationship for about 10 years she walked out a few months ago they were buying a property between them he paid her of. The home was a disgrace but we helped were we could cleaned decorated paid for new floor covering curtains etc he decided he would buy cheaper property, we went yesterday to help with garden and he said can you have a look at the paperwork about selling house, no problems shall we look at it now no I am going for a drink what's more important. Anyway bring it home it should have been filled in and returned within 7 days, so spoke to him and he said every time I ask you for help there is a problem everything is to much trouble don't bother I will manage myself you are poor parents when you can't help your only son.

thatbags Thu 13-Mar-14 09:22:28

If I were that boy's parent, I think I'd have been inclined, in answer to his "whenever I ask you for help there's always a problem", to respond with: "Yes, dear, and that problem is you. Grow up."

thatbags Thu 13-Mar-14 09:23:01

And I'd have left him to it.

soop Thu 13-Mar-14 12:20:10

bags Yay! I agree wholeheartedly.

soop Thu 13-Mar-14 12:23:07

over60plus Your son's attitude towards you is shameful. He needs an almighty wake-up-and-fend-for-yourself call. flowers ...for you.

annodomini Thu 13-Mar-14 13:08:42

On another thread, I used my mum's favourite phrase: 'stew in his own juice' and that is just what you should let him do. Any chance that you could find an excuse/reason to leave the country for an extended jaunt somewhere?

Flowerofthewest Thu 13-Mar-14 18:33:45

Well said bags

Ana Thu 13-Mar-14 18:41:42

Wonder whether the OP will come back? confused

nightowl Thu 13-Mar-14 19:00:28

Doubt it. I wouldn't.

Aka Thu 13-Mar-14 19:20:52

Over60 sorry, but IMO you've made a rod for your own back.

rosequartz Thu 13-Mar-14 19:45:02

Not to mention allowing yourself to become a doormat. Will he change now? I hope so, but you're going to have to make some changes and stick to them Over60.

Tegan Thu 13-Mar-14 20:00:32

Going off at a tangent but I pick my grandson up after school 2 days a week and bring him back here for his tea. Just recently he's been saying on the run up 5 [when his mum picks him up] that he's bored. It's really hurt me. I know he's only 6 but I feel like telling him that the alternative is for the nursery school to pick him up and take him there [where his brother is] to be picked up by his dad. Should I just keep quiet or is he now old enought to be told that saying things like that can hurt people? In September [when his brother starts school] I'll be taking them to their house. I know how he feels cause when I used to look after him at home when it was nearing the time when his mum and dad got home I started to get fidgety as well.

thatbags Thu 13-Mar-14 21:28:47

He probably means tired and looking forward to seeing his mum.

janeainsworth Thu 13-Mar-14 21:59:09

Tegan Don't feel miserable. Agree with Bags he is probably tired.
It's good for children to be bored sometimes, I think.
They need to develop the capacity to amuse themselves, and being bored is the first step.
I would offer him a few alternatives read book/play game/watch television and if none of those appeal, I would just say, 'well you think of something, then'.
One of my DCs was like that and to a certain extent, still is!

Ana Thu 13-Mar-14 22:11:57

One of my GDs started saying she was bored when she and her twin sister were being looked after by me. She was six then as well! DD said it was just her new 'buzz word' and didn't mean much.

Now they're nearly eight they have many interests we can all share, such as reading, computer games, nature walks etc. Try not to take it personally, as hurtful as it can feel!

Nonu Thu 13-Mar-14 22:21:19

latest word from G/s aged , except when he is here !
they have their little fads , pick it up in the playground !
Nothing to worry about .

Nonu Thu 13-Mar-14 22:21:46


Flowerofthewest Fri 14-Mar-14 10:46:41

Still of tangent and adding to Tegan comment - At a family gathering on Sunday my 3 year old DGS was plonked on my lap while his mum said she had to make an important phone call to work. She disappeared, I didn't mind because it was nice to cuddle him. 45 minutes later I saw her coming towards us (it was in a pub hall) stopped, stood on tip toe and saw that he was OK then disappeared again. She was gone for almost an hour but we sat and rocked to the band and 70 Eagles music, he seemed happy enough. He then started crying and asked for his mummy. My DH took him to his mum, she appeared back with him on her hip (still sobbing) He had said to his mummy that 'Grandma was being mean, bossy and horrible to me' I was gobsmacked. I did say once to him that mummy would be back soon and to stay here with grandma. Children are so funny.

Aka Sat 15-Mar-14 07:14:49

Wow Flower my 3-year old GS would not sit still for that length of time.

Flowerofthewest Sat 15-Mar-14 12:19:10

It was getting towards his bed time Aka and he had had a long day. He wakes at 4.30 at weekends and fights with his brother (5) as soon as they are both awake confused