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Mothering Sunday

(113 Posts)
trendygran Thu 27-Mar-14 17:32:04

Am I being unreasonable to feel very hurt that my DD ,SIL and DGS will be spending Sunday with SIL's Sister and BIL, several miles away. They live about half an hour away from me, but I don't see that much of them ,unless they want a babysitter! I was really hoping to spend time with them on one special Sunday in the year. I have been given a small present and a card,which is nice, but time spent with them would be much more meaningful . I lost my younger daughter 4 years ago and her family are 300 miles away ,so seeing my 2 GDs is not possible. I live alone since losing my DH in 2008 and find Sundays difficult to get through in general.

mollie Thu 27-Mar-14 17:47:40

Oh dear Trendygran, I am sorry that you'll be on your own on Mothering Sunday. If it's any consolation there will be lots of us not with our children for all sorts of reasons. Personally, I like to be remembered but hate a fuss, I want to know I'm the centre of the world if only for that one day but I hate the busy restaurants and the over-priced gifts etc. and my family know it. As long as a card arrives and maybe a call on the day, I'll be happy.

I wonder if perhaps you've let your daughter think that you don't want a fuss on the day too - it's easy to give the impression you aren't fussed while all the time wanting them to surprise you and make a big fuss. If that's the case then I'm sorry they seem to have taken you at your word. If not, maybe you need to let your daughter know how you really felt about being overlooked on the one day of the year meant for Mothers when you next see her. I hope it was just a simple misunderstanding and that she'll do something special next time.

Lona Thu 27-Mar-14 18:04:34

trendy don't forget that she is a mother too.
I don't always see my dd and ds on Mothering Sunday, as my dgds like to treat their mum, and my dil goes to see her own mother.
flowers from me to you, for Sunday.

kittylester Thu 27-Mar-14 18:07:57

It must seem a bit like they've forgotten you Trendygran but I try to remember that my children are mothers, or married to mothers, and that must be their priority.

As it is, DS1, who is unmarried, is coming for lunch and, as I enjoy cooking, that suits me fine. DH and I plan to go out for lunch at our favourite restaurant when the prices are being inflated for mother's day - can you arrange something like that with your daughter? flowers

janeainsworth Thu 27-Mar-14 18:13:10

I do think it's a pity that these occasions seem to have become hyped up in recent years, because then anyone who can't be with their family for whatever reason is made to feel upset and left out.
My mother specifically forbade us to buy her anything on Mothering Sunday, because she didn't want us 'wasting' our money on expensive flowers. I don't think cards had been invented then. We were allowed to take her an early morning cup of tea.
People just didn't go out for meals in those days either.
We have never done anything special with our children for Mothers' Day .

Trendygran I am so sorry about the daughter you have lost. I can't imagine how that must feel. I agree with Mollie, your daughter probably has no idea that you feel so upset - I hope you can talk it through with her and do something special with her on another day soon.

Tegan Thu 27-Mar-14 18:13:25

I'm the same. I hate any sort of a fuss and my children know that but sometimes they take it too far. I got really upset a couple of years ago when I didn't get a card from my son as he is always to one who remembers such things but it turned out to be a misunderstanding. But I'm more likely to be asked to babysit so they can go out than be invited round for a meal [can't remember the last time that happened other than when we have an occasional curry night when we all buy our own].

Galen Thu 27-Mar-14 18:14:08

I'll be on my own as well

Nonu Thu 27-Mar-14 18:17:57

Trendy , don"t be too hurt , you will not be the only one on this forum, if that is any consolation.
Having said that I would be hurt also , I am lucky as my DD lives round the corner and her MIL lives in Lancashire , so NO chance of them going up there , so we are going to lunch at theirs !
I have sent you some flowers with ((hugs)) , keep your pecker up !

Nonu Thu 27-Mar-14 18:27:16

However , having said that , you might just mention in passing that you felt a wee bit neglected, in a sort of casual throwaway .
Don"t believe it hurts them sometimes to just Think on, you are her Mum after all , she owes her existence to you after all !!

GrannyTwice Thu 27-Mar-14 19:23:52

Trendy - YANBU at all. I can't begin to imagine how I'd feel if I'd lost a daughter and of course Mothe's Day will make it worse and especially without your DH. Do you and your older daughter talk at all about both your feelings of the loss of your daughter? Perhaps you need to have a conversation with her about your feelings about not seeing your dd and dgc very much. You are in a very sad situation and as others have said perhaps your dd just hasn't appreciated that with her busy life.

RedheadedMommy Thu 27-Mar-14 19:51:00

Did she see you last year on Mothers day?
Maybe they're trying to alternate between people?

Also yes, she is a mother too and maybe wants to do her own thing.

Saying that i couldn't imagine not seeing my mum on mothers day. Try and have a word with her about how you are feeling, she might not have a clue!

Mishap Thu 27-Mar-14 19:53:52

These days with special labels cause so many problems. Two of my DDs live locally and are married therefore have two lots of mums each to try and keep happy. It is very hard!!! Let us not expect too much of them!

RedheadedMommy Thu 27-Mar-14 20:06:48

Agree with Mishap!

The past few years...i have my mum and my nan to buy for..i then have to buy for them off my dds.
Then my DH and his mum and off the dds.

And not to mention myself.

Its very stressfull trying to fit everyone in and you cannot keep everyone happy.

I have 2 young dds so DH has said its my year this time as ive allways sorting everyone else and forgetting I am actually a mum too.

Ana Thu 27-Mar-14 20:15:12

It's ridiculous, isn't it, all this pressure? We muddle through the rest of the year as best we can, don't we? Families are often so extended these days that it must be hard to decide which 'mother' has priority.

(And not forgetting those who are estranged from their children for whatever reason - it must be a very difficult time for them, too)

trendygran Thu 27-Mar-14 20:35:32

Thanks for all your comments everyone. I never want a fuss, or a meal out (ridiculous prices anyway) but would just love to spend some time with my family for once on a Sunday. I think she realised I was upset, but as she was on her way out to work a hospital night shift, no more was said. I have no wish to fall out with them , so will not say anything else about it. I really appreciate the bunches of flowers in some of your messages -thanks a lot!

mollie Thu 27-Mar-14 20:46:14

Mother's Day is a bit of a nightmare, isn't it. How do you do the right thing without offending someone if you can't be everywhere at once? Those of us with living mothers and grown children can see the problem - it's our day too and there are often in-laws in the picture to consider as well.

However, there are several of us GN-ers who have sadly lost children - I lost a 24 year old son nearly 10 years ago - but something mentioned here made me wonder if our living children (just one in my case) might feel an unspoken burden? I hope not but you never know...

JessM Thu 27-Mar-14 20:47:22

Yes there are lots of us who don't get remembered let alone spending time with offspring - my sons are both are in the southern hemisphere and mothers day is a different time of year. But they don't think of sending cards then either. But for years before that mothers day was very close to the birthday of the younger one and it is no fun getting together with someone with a hangover. Hey ho. It is bloody hype.

Sometimes when people grieve they don't share their feelings with their family members trendygran and she may not realise that as a mother there are always going to be difficult times. flowers

Gally Thu 27-Mar-14 21:30:49

I will be on my own too but I know the DDs will be in touch. I have already received a wee parcel and an envelope. I know they would love to be with me but if they could. flowers for all of you who will be alone or lonely and a wine too.

Mishap Thu 27-Mar-14 22:15:06

I hope the day goes well for you and gally - I am sure you will be in touch on the phone. Enjoy opening your parcel - let us know what it is!

rosequartz Thu 27-Mar-14 22:31:46

Good that they rememberthe date, gally, flowers
Mine usually remember the Australian one, which is May I think!

Soutra Thu 27-Mar-14 23:28:26

Another occasion where we can either set ourselves up for heartache and disappointment or see it as just another day. Easy to say but like Christmas or other designated " family days" there will be many of us who will be glad when it is Monday. They don't realise that a couple of hours in their company or even a surprise phone call is worth a hundred cards or flowers but one day they will and in the meantime we can suffer and feel neglected or smile and treat it like any other day.

annodomini Thu 27-Mar-14 23:34:36

Received a package from DS1 today containing a cheeky card, a generous Amazon voucher for Kindle books and, sinfully, a small box of chocolates. Tomorrow I have to go to JL to pick up a gift the other DS has ordered for me. All very mysterious!

seasider Fri 28-Mar-14 07:31:44

I am very lucky that DD is local and neither her or DS forget but we do not go out usually we just get together at one house. At Christmas DD bought tickets for Horrible Histories for DGS' and DS before realising it was Mothering Sunday so I will be celebrating with lots of children!. I will always regret that I missed my own mother's last Mothering Sunday. She lived 70 miles away and the DC had some sort of activity going on so I relied on my brother, who had just returned to live locally, to take mum out or to his house. When I rang mum for a second time later in the day I found he had just made a flying visit and gone to watch rugby! I felt so guilty mum had been on her own and she died suddenly six weeks later sad

seasider Fri 28-Mar-14 07:32:46

Forgot to say I will be thinking of the mums on their ownflowers

tiggypiro Fri 28-Mar-14 09:15:20

Mother's Day completely passes me by though I am constantly reminded of it by all the hype surrounding it.
My DCs both live abroad and my mother 70 miles away. We have always done what we can for each other throughout the year so one day is neither here nor there.
My SiL always sends my mother a very sloppy sort of card but NEVER goes to see her (unless it is mother's birthday and there is a bottle of wine or two!).
I know which I prefer.