Gransnet forums


Grandchild and things to eat

(27 Posts)
Grama Thu 27-Mar-14 21:47:53

Is it Ok to give my granddaughters things to eat?
We have granddaughters 3 & 6, they live in another state; we see them 4-5 times a year.
We used to follow & get photos from Facebook, now I'm unfriended.
Every time I give them something to eat (meal, snack or treat) my daughter n law starts things. She tells our son, then he jumps all over me. I don't know what to do anymore.
We went for a Christmas visit. On Christmas Eve the 3 year old ask for a cookie. I ask what kind she would like; she picked a plain Christmas sugar cookie. I was sreamed at.
It ruined the whole trip & holiday.
Both our son & his wife are still mad at us. We get nasty notes & email: we're unfriended of Facebook.
I've told them I 'm sorry it all happened, but I think a Grandparent should be able to gave a Grandchild a snack or a treat.
Am I being an unreasonable Grandma?

RedheadedMommy Thu 27-Mar-14 21:55:22

She reacted like that over a cookie? hmm

henetha Thu 27-Mar-14 21:55:50

No, it's not you who is being unreasonable, Grama. i don't want to be critical of your son and his wife, - but, honestly, what a fuss they make !
What on earth is the matter with them? They are being ridiculous.
(I'm ever so glad I'm not on Facebook).

rosequartz Thu 27-Mar-14 21:58:58

I think it was an over-reaction.
However, if I had sole charge of them I would feed them what I thought was appropriate, unless specifically asked not to give them sweets, biscuits or something parents don't want them to have.
If the parents are there, I wouldn't give them anything, I would say 'you'd better ask mummy or daddy first'.
If I do (rarely) buy chocolate I give it to DIL to dole out when she thinks appropriate.

I remember my MIL giving DD1 a bag of jelly tots when she was 18 months old (she had never had any sweets before) and telling her not to eat them until after tea. Needless to say, they were ripped open and in her mouth before I had realised! I was not impressed but did not cause a row.

RedheadedMommy Thu 27-Mar-14 22:04:33

Is there abit more to this story?

To unfriend you and leave you nasty messages seems really OTT.

JessM Thu 27-Mar-14 22:09:09

I have known at least one grandmother who gave her grandson foods that he was very intolerant of. On the basis that "it wouldn't hurt him to have a little bit". I don't think we can comment on this sad story as we don't know both sides of it.

Anne58 Thu 27-Mar-14 22:17:13

Am I missing something here?

YOU visited/went to stay with them at Christmas. I'm assuming that it was in their house? Did you take the cookies with you, or were they already in situ, so to speak?

If they were already there, then surely they were there to be eaten, not as some sort of decoration? Whatever the circumstances, the reaction does seem to be OTT. confused

Ana Thu 27-Mar-14 22:23:34

I think this is a wind-up.

rosequartz Thu 27-Mar-14 22:27:31

Ah, wink is this someone from the other lot? If so, I've been had!

Anne58 Thu 27-Mar-14 23:23:01

Hmm, the "other lot" well, the problem is identifying the buggers! So many of this type of post (esp OP's) could be a wind up, or of course they might be genuine.

The wind up ones we could have a bit of fun with, BUT if they did turn out to be genuine, then harm could be done.

If only there was a fool proof way to tell.

Anyone remember the thing with the two guardians, one who must always tell the truth and the other who must always lie?

FlicketyB Fri 28-Mar-14 11:59:05

Do you know why your S & DiL do not like you feeding your grandchildren? Most grandparents do not think twice about it, nor do the GC's parents. Do your GC have food allergies or do your S & DiL have particular dietary rules they follow - and these can be many and various.

Are they concerned because you have said you think their worries about allergies or dietary rules (vegetarian/vegan/macrobiotic) are silly and pointless so that they do not trust what food you may be giving their child. You may think their dietary rules are silly, but they are son's children not yours and you must accept and obey them. Be honest, do they have any hygiene concerns. I think you need to find all these things out first before thinking about how to deal with the problem.

DGD has had food allergies in the past that could be triggered just by handling the food concerned and DS & DDiL were very jumpy about other people giving their child food when they are not there to supervise it. DGD has grown out of most of her allergies, but I still often check with her mother before I serve some foodstuffs. DS & DDiL are also obsessed by eat by/best by dates on food to an extent I am not and I have to be careful with those as well.

Elegran Fri 28-Mar-14 12:40:11

I am keeping out of this discussion. I could respond either of two ways, and both replies would insult someone.

mollie Fri 28-Mar-14 14:00:57

I think I know who the other lot are but why do they think it's fun to wind us up? What's the point? And how do we know it's them and not someone real who has been chased away by our replies?

Grama Fri 28-Mar-14 15:38:36

This was my first writing.
Yes, this is genuine & there's no food allergies.
I don't know the problem, they really don't say, all that was said was a sugar high.
The cookies were made by their mom; I didn't see them have a cookie in the week there, but they ask for them. The 3 year old ask for 2 days for some ice cream that was in the freezer; when they finally received it the serving was 2-3 times larger than I would have given.
I don't know if they are using foods as punishment, if so I don't think that is right.
I am a clean person & never touched the cookie.
I'm a very confused & hurt Grama. I've never heard of this before.

rosequartz Fri 28-Mar-14 16:31:06

Sorry, Grama, for doubting that you were genuine.

I still think it was an over-reaction on their part. However, as I said previously, I wouldn't hand out food without checking first with the parents, they may have experience of a child who refuses dinner because they have had even just one biscuit an hour or so before.
However, if I had done that I think my DIL would probably laugh but DS might tell me off if it spoilt their appetite and that would be the end of it.
Your remark that you are very clean and never touched the cookie makes it sound as if someone has a problem (OCD?)

So - who ate all the cookies if they weren't for the kids?

rosesarered Sat 29-Mar-14 14:31:43

Someone or something is very weird here. If this is a genuine post then it sounds as if there are mental health issues at work, yes, OCD or similar.

rosequartz Sat 29-Mar-14 14:34:26

I still would like to know who ate all the pies cookies, usually they would be mainly for the children, surely?

Grama Sat 29-Mar-14 15:58:38

Yes, I agree the cookies are ate by the children normally.
This has been going on for some time. That is why when I found this website decided
to write. This is very frustrating.
The 1st time, my GD & I were having lunch, mom was in the next room, I had a piece of
cake. My GD ask for some, I gave her a small piece. Before we finished, mom texted dad & he was in my face.
One time the parents were going out for the evening, my H told our S we were going to get ice cream. Our GD ate a good meal to have the ice cream. When they returned home, they had a fit about the ice cream. They wait until the girls are in bed & have ice cream.
In Aug. they were at my mother's, DIL cooked Mac n Cheese but the Mac wasn't cooked enough. The GD didn't like it, she was eating late from playing outside. I tried it & didn't like it either. Everyone else was outside, so I heated a slice of pizza from the day before, it was quick. I was in trouble again, I was just trying to feed her something quick, I knew she would eat.
Next was Dec. with the cookies. I ate a couple & my H ate a few, most were there, after a week when we left. I'm about at the end of my rope! & not sure what to do!

Nonu Sat 29-Mar-14 16:21:44

all sounds a bit fraught to me !

rosequartz Sat 29-Mar-14 16:51:51

All very OTT. Sounds as if they need to relax a bit, the more they make a fuss about food the more the children will pick up on it which will lead to problems later.

Grama Sat 29-Mar-14 17:07:36

rosequartz, I agree.
I have to thank everyone for your responses. This in someway does help.
Anyone with an idea, please write.
Thank You!

Nelliemoser Sat 29-Mar-14 17:37:31

Reading the title, I cannot help but think I would probably not eat my Grandchild but I would go for the other "things to eat."

Mind you, I could have gobbled him up last night when I was bathing him and putting him to bed, he was so lovely. A blissful "hands on granny" moment.

rosequartz Sat 29-Mar-14 19:13:32

As DH used to say about DC 'sometimes you could gobble them up, other times you wish you had'.

Deedaa Sat 29-Mar-14 21:30:40

I can only suggest always having a supply of healthy snacks that the parents may not object to - low fat & low sugar and raw vegetable sticks and fruit. Of course the children may object to them!
Do try not to let this drive you apart. You don't want to be cut out of their lives altogether and if the parents are as odd as some of your descriptions sound the children may be glad to have you around in the future.

Faye Sun 30-Mar-14 02:05:45

Grama I am sorry you have a very difficult DIL and son, their behaviour is not nice. I would ask every time if it was okay if you gave your grandchild something to eat. Preferably tell your grandchildren to ask Mum or Dad if it was okay. If they are at your house I would still ask and only have healthy food to offer.

I buy my grandchildren grapes, cucumbers or fruit they particularly like and take it to their house if I am visiting.

Sounds to me the biscuits, ice cream and other junk food are for the parents. You may have to tread carefully around this pair if you want to spend time with your grandchildren. Hopefully as they get older you might be able to have them stay without their parents. Best wishes flowers