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why do women dither?

(42 Posts)
maisiegreen Tue 22-Apr-14 06:36:02

I was in the (as usual) glacially slow queue at a national trust tearoom on Saturday, behind a woman who, although she'd been standing around for ages, when she was served seemed to be totally surprised at the idea of actually choosing anythingand dithered around wondering what cake and drink to have, as though she'd never seen them before, instead of being in front of them for a good ten minutes. And why is it only woman who do this? And why are ditherers oblivious to the enormous queue crinding their teeth behind them?

Sook Tue 22-Apr-14 19:44:10

My other half is a ditherer. If I ask a question he looks at me and there is a long pause while he dithers. I either say FGS it's not a trick question or else I walk off. The dithering has definitely got worse with age.

rosequartz Tue 22-Apr-14 20:23:49

DH always gets annoyed when we go to the beach. He will sit anywhere, whereas I have to choose carefully - is there anywhere to put things, is it too near other people, can we see the DC (now DGC), can we move please as it's a bit nicer over there, oh no, it's a bit stony here, over there is perfect ....

Well, he should just pick a better spot in the first place.

Grannyknot Tue 22-Apr-14 20:37:54

rose you and my husband can go off looking for a perfect place on the beach and I'll sit "anywhere" with yours smile In the face he says to me "I'll order, you get a table". I select any table. He approaches looking slightly pained. And then he proceeds to select ad reject until he finds the "perfect table". Depending on what mood I'm in, I say "I'm not moving!" grin grin

I did smile in a bus sitting just behind the driver, when a woman came charging across the road, stopping the bus from pulling off with her hand in the air, elbows akimbo and coat tails flapping. A sight to behold. The bus driver muttered to himself "And these are the ones who can neevvver find their tickets!" grin

I think a lot of the time it has to do with being organised.

Grannyknot Tue 22-Apr-14 20:38:23

That should be "in the cafe" not "in the face"! Must be a Freudian slip LOL.

rosequartz Tue 22-Apr-14 22:43:42

Swapsies, Grannyknot?
But then your DH and I may not agree and start arguing and never sit down. At least DH eventually complies, grumping and muttering loudly for a very long time. Then falls asleep (on the beach, not in the cafe).

Deedaa Tue 22-Apr-14 22:50:56

I worked in an exceptionally busy M&S coffee shop. It was not unusual for people to be queuing for 15 minutes or more at peak times. Why then did they arrive at the service counter and say "Right, what does everyone want? What will Aunty have? Does anyone want cake as well as a sandwich - or shall we have something cooked?" Why couldn't they sort it all out while they were waiting????

Penstemmon Tue 22-Apr-14 23:00:23

DH is a ditherer over decisions such as a new laptop. Spends hours on Which website, goes to have a look in the shop, comes home thinks about it for a few years until there is a new Which report then starts all over again!

Saves a lot of money that way! confused

rosequartz Tue 22-Apr-14 23:17:17

I'm off to bed. Now, shall I make a drink or not, if I drink it in bed I will have to get out to clean my teeth again. Or I could drink it downstairs then go to bed, or not have one at all, confused

moon decision made. No drink. Or perhaps ...., no, I will have to get up in the night to go to the loo.
Decision made!

I am very decisive. Once I've decided.

durhamjen Tue 22-Apr-14 23:25:17

Most of the people in National Trust queues tend to be women, which is why they are more noticeable, I find.

JessM Wed 23-Apr-14 08:05:56

Supermarket queues indeed are an opportunity to practice calm and tolerance. In our local Waitrose the basket only tills are also the lottery tills... and if you add in someone who is buying 3 items for herself and 4 for neighbour, and cigarettes... But I like the fact that the staff will chat and be patient with older customers. Often offering a choice of languages as well.

Lynb1954 Thu 24-Apr-14 19:16:51

I think everyone can be a ditherer depending n the day their having,how they they are feeling and any number of things that can being ticking away in our brains. I'm the worlds worst when I'm supermarket shopping when I'm tired after a shift at work,my brain just seems to go blank even tho I've got a list in my hand confused. I think the ditherer that gets me is the bus traveller ditherer, they can be standing at the bus stop for a while but are still unprepared when they board the bus and then they want to get rid of their 'spare change'!

HappyNan1 Fri 25-Apr-14 23:24:04

I dither in car parks - the more empty spaces there are the worse I am. Much better when there is only one or two spaces so I go for the nearest one, grateful to have a space. Is there anybody else who does this? I even manage to irritate myself!!

Lona Fri 25-Apr-14 23:28:19

Happynan I do that and so does my friend! Why? If it's empty it takes me ages to decide where to park!

HollyDaze Wed 30-Apr-14 16:07:55

I dither in car parks - the more empty spaces there are the worse I am

My mum can be like that but to the point of when she has parked and is then walking towards the store, if she sees an empty space that is closer, she'll go back and get the car and move it to the nearer, empty spot grin

Deedaa Wed 30-Apr-14 22:13:54

HappyNan my heart sinks when I drive into an empty car park. Where to go ??? Of course this probably explains why, when you park in the middle of a huge empty space, someone will always park right next to you!

Grannygee Fri 02-May-14 11:50:45

I have become much more dithery as I've got older. Hands up, I'm late for things because I've dithered even though I know it's making me late. I feel it's to do with my age (58) and the 'change'. although having had children I do think that alone scrambles your brain! I can see that I'm coming to the front of a queue and yet can't make myself decide if I really want what's in my hand! it's awful! I think I panic more to in shops which is not good. Both my parents have developed Alzheimer's and my husband and I are trying to keep them living at home together. It's taken over our lives somewhat. In the forum with Phyllida Law on Gransnet I told her about this and she said I deserve a medal and I think I/we deserve medals too so dithering is permitted. It's allowed!