To Have Said No

You were right to refuse. He must learn the hard way.

To be honest I would have said yes - maybe I am a soft touch.

But in our family it cuts both ways - if they have a need and I can fulfill it, then I do; and if we need something they do the same for us.

Yup! Agree with all the others. The firm should go and buy a new pressure washer, they are not exactly hard to find.This will remind your son not to think he can take what you have.

The firm should have their own one.!

After all it would be tax deductible !

HollyDaze that is it. Pretty much a consensus here. You were reasonable! I am naturally inclined to have the soft touch, but tough love is needed sometimes. I understand it is so hard to say 'no', and would be worrying that ad infinitum until DH would wisely pull me from the brink! Stick to your guns! Guilt is a way of life for mums and moms. How can we retrain ourselves not to feel it? Time for Holly.

Or in your neck of the woods...almost time for wine here!

Many thanks all

I agree, Holly, I feel that my daughter is similar, I love her sooo much and shes all I have apart from DGD, but if I refuse her or cannot help her I feel she might take the huff and I might not see her or the baby for a long time, she has never done this but I try to keep in her good books in case.
Im trying to teach the baby to know that when I say NO, I mean no, but the other granma says as she doesn't see her very often she wont discipline her so looks like I am going to be the big bad granny.

When you love someone it is so hard to balance kindness with laying yourself open to being used.

Hello Silverfish - I would agree, to an extent, that could be part of my anxiety over the incident but I can't afford to lose another item.

Your granddaughter will love you regardless and it has always been my experience that children feel safer when they know where the boundaries are and they can stay safely within them!

If your children are prepared to take the huff when you don't let them use and spoil your possessions, or when you mention that they could have helped you but did not bother their arses, then they are not very nice people. Is that nature or nurture?

I would say nurture in this case - I am aware that I was too soft with both of them and am now living to reap the rewards of it. Nothing so perfect as hindsight is there.

It's quite reassuring to know that it isn't just me that has sons and daughters that never have time to do anything to help housemaintenance wise which means I have to pay people to do things....

Mishap I'm a softie too, but I know the DCs would come running if we ever needed them.

No need to feel guilty at all. I would have done the same.

Do you think your son feels guilty for not fixing your roof that time, and you had to pay someone else to do it?
You think he does not feel guilty?
Then neither should you.

Stop worrying. You did the right thing. Case closed.

Silverfish I have a large portrait of me on the kitchen cupboard, drawn by DGD when she was about 5. I have a round open mouth out of which there is a speech bubble saying NO. It was drawn out of love. I had had DGS, aged 2 sitting on my lap for nearly half an hour holding an axe to my throat. He was Viking and was going to kill me. I decided enough was enough and he wouldn't take no for an answer, well, he had to in the end.

I am with you mrsmopp. I have always veered towards tough love because I love my DC so much. I tried to never lay down rules unless I felt it essential but then I stuck.