Hi msmac , firstly I would say please be patient with forums , as you understand now it is not a place with people constantly online , but does not mean they are not interested
I often have to wait a couple of days for a response but I try not to take it personally and see it as at least it has been THERAPEUTIC for me to ''get it all out'' in the first place , response or no response , but of course understand that is it so nice to get the support , it makes me feel better to think ''well at least I got it off my chest'' ;-)
Regarding your family - I wish things were simple too and one day they may be with maturity and honesty etc
I have been in this situation for SHORT times only thankfully , usually when my DD is ''not happy with what I have done'' but then she seems to have a think about it once she has calmed down and we go back to usual or normal again but it is not nice having this hanging over your head...
I think they are suffering in some way , my DD struggles with depression and all sorts of other issues which make clarity of thinking , calmness , rationalness seemingly impossible at times , she needs to work on herself and I continually need to work on myself now too - I hardly ALWAYS know what to do for the best but try and look inside and examine myself to find out the answer , sometimes it's ''no'' and sometimes it's ''yes'' but it cannot always be ''yes'' nomatter how manipulative they are and there is a time to quietly stand your ground and wait and hope for the best
My DD has some sorting out to do , when she is well she is SO pleasant to be around , genuinely , but when or if something triggers a ''downer'' she is a different person and not calm and rational but I haven't always been either! lol
Saying that the FATHER situation re hitting and bruising the child and PULLING OUT HIS TEETH WITH PLIERS something is seriously WRONG there and this IS child abuse and you said you don't want to ''risk'' things getting worse between you and your DIL but WHO is ACTUALLY AT RISK HERE??? An INNOCENT little boy!!!!!!!!
Maybe if you report the Dad the DIL will see sense as in NOT stand alongside her Father while he abuses her child , maybe he did the same thing to her and SOMEONE needs to show her it is NOT acceptable!!
She may even respect you in the end for doing what is right and best for the WHOLE FAMILY
The ''Granddad'' SERIOUSLY needs taking in hand and STOPPED from abusing your Grandson , you have to protect him as much as you can
I have reported my own DD to social services and the police which of course affected our relationship but if my GS or the public are at risk I have no choice I HAVE to do something about it for his sake and the sake of the whole family in the end! xx