To expect my DD to ring me regularly?

Smileless and Mishap Thank you so much for the good wishes, it means a lot to me.

Every time I phone my dad, which is often but not at a regular time, he tells me to "come on, it's costing you a fortune for this call". I then remind him (he has dementia) that it is a free call and we are ok for an hour, to which he sighs and says he wishes he had made a flask up first!

absent Yes, but absentgranma's daughter lives in the UK and I was providing info that such inexpensive calls are available from the UK for anyone wishing to use a phone.
However, the information may be useful at some time for someone

It depends which of our DC's we feel easy about phoning though, doesn't it? My eldest DD will message or text me every few days or so, and I feel comfortable in doing the same with her. My DS is a different story. I'm very wary of contacting him and his partner too often and he rarely texts or phones, though I do see them once a fortnight when I visit them to take her boys to their father's. I look forward to this as I can see them all. The reason I'm wary of contacting too often is that I feel my DS feels I'm checking up on him (he'd had serious personal issues for a number of years and these are now resolved). I did once make the mistake of sending a text which he obviously felt was 'fishing', and he was angry about that (his girlfriend told me that). My other DD estranged herself a while ago. Once for 7 years then after a respite of 3 years, she estranged herself again. I've never found out why, but that's not what this thread's about.

I usually text, but I see my daughter several times a week as i mind my grandchild. i see my son about once a week. He phones me on a Saturday when he gets a break at work. I don't like to phone too often as I always feel it may be inconvenient for them to talk. I think anyone who phones me should ask if it's a good time to chat. When i'm babysitting I can't keep an eye on a toddler while chatting!

I agree with Leticia. My son, who is in Australia, rings regularly but a couple of weeks can go by in their busy lives quite easily.

I send short "Just to keep you up to date" emails if anything comes up and then they will ring for a longer chat when they can. It is mainly me that keeps both my children in touch with what is going on in all our lives so these short updates help us all.

I think it's the fact that they have busy lives. My son is very bad at keeping in touch. I used to hear from my daughter in Australia more than I did from my son who was only 12 miles away! But we used to text more.

Also Leticia great minds think alike! My son now lives abroad as well and never thinks to ring or ask to Skype. I also quite often send him a text saying ' Are you still alive?' or 'Is anybody there?' or 'Skype this weekend?' which usually elicits a response. It's not because he doesn't care - he just has other things on his mind. He is also very bad at sending cards or presents.

I remember my mother in law always used to complain about my son not ringing her enough and his response was: the phone works both ways mum. My parents would always ring me (mum actually) until mum died and then dad never rang - just expected me to ring him all the time and then complained when I left it too long. I gave him a lesson in texting and used to text him quite regularly with little snippets of news if I didn't always have time for a sit down chat on the phone.

That was my other text hondagirl 'Is anyone there?'! He never found it irritating- he had just been busy, nowhere with a signal at the right time and suddenly realised he hadn't spoken for about 3 weeks. I only did it when he hadn't been on FB either.
It depends on circumstances. He worked in US for 2 months- didn't know anyone outside work and would Skype several times a week while eating his breakfast.

My DD1 lives in the USA and is hopeless at keeping in touch. She usually only skypes when she has a problem, and I must admit, I don't call her much myself as I never know when it is a good time, although I do send messages which usually elicit a 'fine' or 'ok' from her in answer to my 'how are you?'

However, I received the following message from her (via Facebook messenger) " why do I have to read what is going on in my family on facebook? You haven't replied to any of my messages and if I disappeared into the American wilderness would any of you even notice?" None of us had received any messages from her so we were a bit bewildered by this accusation.

Sometimes you just can't win.

I had all those problems with a couple of my children Bellasnana.
First of all I found out when it was their "good times".
I found out with one of them, that their good times, were my bad times. So we changed the method of communication. And were also then aware, that if we contacted each other at the "wrong" times, then it was going to be a bit pot luck.

As regards your other paragraph. I asked one of them how often they had made contact during the previous month in any way at all. And how often I had made contact.
I actually did the same as regards how often he was contacting his siblings versus how often they contacted him.
That opened his eyes! And changed his behaviour.

Since a phone call in early December when my mother started speaking incoherent gibberish and I was scared she had had a stroke, I have phoned every day. It's not cheap, but as I don't see her very often, I don't begrudge the time or the costs. Anyway, most times she remembers to offer to hang up straight away and call me back, as she has a flat rate.

She laughs that she "knows I am monitoring her", but I find it helps not only to reassure me but to keep her brain active, (even though we have the same conversation every evening) and her voice strong. (She's 95)

As for my boys phoning or contacting me - they have busy lives and, as with most people here, they can go for weeks sometimes without any contact - "No news is good news" is my motto, but I never feel they're completely out of touch.

The older two, now that they are fathers themselves, have a different attitude to contacting us and realise that we want to know they're OK and to hear their news. They don't mind a spontaneous call every so often.

If your relationship allows, Jennypops, why don't you just fix a regular time for calling? If you only talk every second Sunday and take it in turns to call, that only makes one phone call each a month. Finish off with a reference to the next phone call and how much you look forward to hearing from her then (with a reference perhaps to something specific that will be happening in the mean time).

Keep your pecker up! and I hope things get better for you.

My DS2 tends to ring me (hands free) from the car which does concern me as I don't think he's the best driver in the family. However, at least he doesn't have the very long and boring commute he had in his last job. Other DS will chat any time he's not at work because he is never without his mobile.