Bottle feeding mothers

Totally up to the mother. No one else's business and no one should have the right to criticise

I'm beginning to think that some people just don't like mothers feeding babies visibly be it by bottle or breast. It seems to freak somebody out whatever they do. This says nothing about the mothers and a lot about the screwed up people who object to seeing one or the other of bottle feeding or breast feeding.

As I said before I did BF my babies and they all had/have eczema , maybe I should have gone the bottle route

I've read that the current trend for 'brelfies' on social media sites - i.e. photos of mothers breastfeeding posted by themselves make some bottle-feeding mothers feel inadequate and 'got-at'.

Yet another example of how sites such as FB and Twitter can cause people to lose all sense of proportion!

Britain has shockingly low numbers of mothers breastfeding. As everyone knows the advantages I think a lot of mothers give up early because they get no help or support in the difficult first days. They leave hospital immediately after the birth and midwives' or health visitors' support is totally inadequate for a vulnerable mother whose baby won't feed.
I had my babies in the 70s when breastfeeding was very unfashionable. I got no help with breastfeeding, the hospital staff being ignorant and disapproving. I was determined and all my children and grandchildren were breastfed for a year.
I take the view that all babies should be given the best, which is human milk, not cow's.

Although I take the point you're making, apricot, bottle-fed babies are fed formula milk, not cow's.

not everyone can do the 'perfect right thing' all the time and nobody should be made to feel guilty about their choices
when my daughter was born in 1974 she was 5 weeks premature and less than 5 lbs and was duly whisked off to the children's hospital as she was severely jaundiced as well as ABO blood incompatibility (necessitating a blood exchange)
so I was in one hospital and she was in another - no breastfeeding and no facility to enable this even when she was back in the normal hospital - I could only visit as and when I was allowed. it would have been much more mother/child friendly now.
she was fed on formula, I had loads of milk but unable to give it to her.
do I regret it - yes, yes, yes but I have to live with the guilt which is bad enough without ill-informed criticism from those who were LUCKY enough to be able to breast feed. BTW she is fit and healthy

Criticising mothers who do not breast feed for whatever reason is, in my opinion, a form of bullying and reflects poorly on the critic.

Ill-informed and smug comes to mind.

It is absolutely up to the individual and not for anyone else to interfere.

I gave up breastfeeding DD after a couple of months because my health visitor (who had never even had a baby) was no help at all. I settled much better with DS and fed him till he was nearly a year old. At that point he decided that milk was much easier out of a cup and didn't want to know anymore! Healthwise I don't think it's made any difference to them.

DD fed her first one for about 6 months. Her second one is two and a half and still having a feed if he can wangle it. She used to take all her gear to work and express milk during the day. DiL wanted to breastfeed but had a c section and a lot of problems so went on to bottles. Her baby seems just as fit and well - and bright - as DD's.

Hear hear loopylou...well said.

I had my first lad in 1973...tried to feed him myself and it was agony and I cried and cried..the staff nurse made me feel so guilty and useless..it was awful....bottle feeding was not the "done" thing....I stuck breast feeding for four weeks...he wasn't getting enough from me and so my health visitor said "put him on the bottle..blow the midwife " so I did and never looked back.
When I had son number 2 I didn't even try to feed him he went straight on the bottle..and as others have said before...both boys were fine...not a bit sickly and have grown into good strapping lads.

The guilt I was made to feel was appalling.

So, can we not come on a thread and express an opinion, without others getting angry and accusing us (me) of bullying?

Breastfeeding is grand when it works smoothly. But what about the mother that is persuaded that to not do so makes her child a fat sickly dunderheed? They get totally stressed out which makes baby stressed which in turn stresses mum more, and they feel that they can't give up and put baby on a bottle as it is almost child abuse ( smoke filled room indeed!).
What about the benefits to dad/baby bonding, the fact that night feeds can be taken in turn so mum isn't exhausted?

Feeding your baby your own way is the right way.

Ana While baby formula is not simply cows' milk, it is most commonly made from cow's milk. Goats' milk and soy protein brands are available but less common and I think there are also some specialist types for babies with problems digesting proteins and other health issues.

I believe that breast feeding is more beneficial – to both baby and mother – than bottle feeding. Consequently I breastfed my daughter. Even after five C-section births, she has breastfed all her children, although for a shorter time than I did. I wouldn't dream of criticising her for that as it is her decision.

If I were asked whether I thought breastfeeding is better than bottle feeding, I would give an honest opinion without any suggestion of aggression or bullying. Otherwise, I would keep my mouth shut.

No one's accusing you of bullying, jingl. I do think that the Breast is Best lobby could be, though, especially the more militant element!

Well, perhaps loopylou would explain just what she means then?

absent, you're right of course, formula is usually made from cow's milk.

I apologise to apricot for my uninformed comment.

I am perfectly happy for those who want to, to breast feed their babies.
And if they want to flaunt it, that's okay as well.

So long as they don't turn into moralising smug opinionated persons trying to tell the rest of us what to do!

So, would the people seeing formula milk as being as good as breast milk, be happy to feed an older child on ready-meals?

Yes jingl, depending on what the meal was. There are ready-meals and there is crap.

I'm definitely not accusing you of bullying jingl

New mums have a hard enough time adjusting to motherhood without being judged, made to feel inadequate and being accused of not doing the best for their baby when not choosing breastfeeding, for whatever reason.

If breastfeeding goes well then great, if it doesn't then perhaps some people think the baby should be left to starve? Ridiculous!

yes it is bullying and it is not just new mothers who feel guilty - us old mothers who never had a chance to breastfeed still carry the guilt (as mothers) - 40 years on.
and loopylou some mothers do not have 'a choice' so it is not their choosing to have to use a bottle

I agree grannyonce, mothers who had mastectomies for cancer, those on certain medications like antidepressants, some antibiotics etc have no choice either.

Rather a contented baby and a relaxed mother than a situation that's detrimental to the whole family.

I bottle fed both of my children, and they are happy, healthy slim adults. I wanted to breastfeed, and tried so hard both times. I don't know why I failed!! However I was lucky to have my children in the 80's when bottle feeding was not frowned upon as it is today.

We are very lucky to live at a time when infant formula has been developed that enables babies to thrive and develop as well as those that are breastfed. Of course babies who are bottle fed will grow up to be healthy when in the past they may have struggled to survive on the alternatives available. I do not think mothers who bottle feed for any reason need to feel guilty in any way. That doesn't mean that breast milk is not the ideal; of course it is, just as cows' milk is best for calves, mares' milk is best for foals, bitches' milk is best for puppies etc etc, and more should be done to support new mothers with breastfeeding.

All that said, there has always been pressure and disapproval about the way babies are fed. When I had my children in the 1980s there was definitely pressure to breastfeed and disapproval from some quarters towards those who bottle fed. This was the era of the NCT and LaLeche League. Before that, from the 1950s onwards I believe mothers were pressurised into bottle feeding; as someone said earlier this initially had a lot to do with getting mothers back to work. So I don't think the pressures today are new, but what is different is the rise of social media. Young people now are bombarded with messages that say everyone else has the perfect body, perfect family, perfect baby, perfect partner, perfect home, perfect holidays, perfect everything. I think this is where the difference lies and it takes a strong woman (or man) to remain unaffected by it.

I bottle fed both mine - tried breast feeding the first but we both got very stressed so I gave up. They have both been healthy children and are both healthy adults. DD tried breast feeding but as with many new mothers it did not go well. She stuck at it for ten weeks and then had a huge guilt trip about going over to the bottle which made her very unhappy for a while. I think the mother's temperament has a good deal to do with whether she will be a successful breast feeder.