Bottle feeding mothers

First-born in 1982: The midwife acted as though she would support me with breast-feeding, but when it came to it, I saw neither her nor anyone else who told me what to do for at least three days. I was in hospital for 10 days after the birth because I had had a general anaesthetic and ventouse. I was told (I repeat TOLD) not to breast feed, although I would have been quite happy to.

I hadn't read anything in advance, and wasn't aware of the advantages or anything, but I did want to breast feed. But because of this, DS No. 1 was bottle fed, and my blouses and dresses were always soaking wet at the front with the milk I was losing.

Second-born 1983: I wasn't going to be put off again. All my babies had a very soft stool (bottle and breast), and the doctor told me at 10 months to stop breast-feeding because this would be the cause of the "diarrhoea". I stopped completely and abruptly (although I was still feeding 2-3 times a day). I'm sure No 2 has a couple of issues to this day because of that sudden and brutal cut-off.

No 3 I breast-fed for 19 months until he wasn't interested any more. By now I had learned that instincts rule and not to listen to anyone's advice.

So, on the basis of my own experience, if I see someone bottle-feeding, I do not condemn them for it, but I wonder if they believed something they had been told by the midwife or someone else with medical clout, and whether it really was their best choice.

What I do object to is when people claim that bottle-feeding is less hassle. How can anyone come to that conclusion? The expense, the faff of cleaning, sterlilising, measuring out, the clutter you have to tote around. You need two hands to feed the baby, whereas with breast-fed you have a hand free to read a book with the toddler, or to eat or drink a little something. And, and, and.....

Me again, sorry. I just wanted to add that in the 50s, when my mother had me, pre- Dr Spock, mothers were expected to feed, change and wash their babies by the clock. After two weeks, my mother was told to bottle feed me because I "wasn't getting enough milk". Not surprising at 10 minutes either way every 4 hours with stopwatch practically in hand!

I thought of another advantage of breast feeding - night-time feeds.
I suppose I was lucky to be able to feed mine myself, and don't blame mothers who bottle feed.
But those first few months, when you never get a night's sleep without being woken to feed, sometimes more than once. To have to get up, prepare the milk, clean the bottles would make it 10 times worse. And instead just reach over for the baby and "bung him/her on the boob" Instant peace and quiet.

ps Jacky - mine were born in the 60s and I had a copy of Dr. Spock, but he had gone out of fashion by then, and it was all feeding on demand.

I think the most important thing is for those who would like to breast feed to receive the support they need. I think many new mums would like to breast feed - and even start doing so - but often give up because they experience problems.

I tried to breast feed my first baby but only managed for a couple of months. I was given all sorts of conflicting information, including replacing some feeds with a bottle - which actually meant that I produced less and less milk. It was a very stressful time and when I eventually gave up and bought what was then marketed as the very best formula milk, my daughter became very constiped and I had to change the milk again.

When I had my son seven years later, I had no problems at all breast feeding and did so for a year. I think it was mostly because I was much more relaxed but also because I had a lot more support in the hospital and at home.

I don't think women should be subjected to any sort of disapproval - whether they are breast or bottle feeding - but I do think breast feeding confers advantages that formula milk just cannot. I don't believe hospitals are now allowed to provide new mums with formula milk samples but when I was in hospital it was the norm - so the marketing pressure has always been there and probably exists in much subtler forms nowadays. Now there is a big drive to get parents to buy "follow on" milks which, according to nutritional experts, are unnecessary and not particularly healthy.

I very rarely had to give my babies night feeds, I can count on one hand the number of times I had to get up. I had a routine which included feeding baby as late as possible before I went to bed, usually about midnight, and they usually slept through to 6 or 6.30.
GD1 was only 6lb 6ozs and wasn't getting the nourishment she needed when in hospital, I was furious as the midwives allowed her to get to the state where she was shaking and almost in hypo. They eventually gave in and allowed her to have a bottle.
Spock was very much in fashion when I had my first in 1969, I read the book and followed some of his ideas but mainly developed my own routine which worked very well.

I was unable to BF my child when she was born in 1978. I had lost so much fluid I was on a drip for nearly 48 hours, during which time she was taken to the Prem Unit as she was 5 weeks early. By the time I was able to try and BF, she had been bottle fed by the nurses in the unit, and she was unable to make the change to BF. The nurses laughed and said that she was "lazy" to try to latch on. As a result I felt like an unfit mother and it took a few months for me to feel the maternal bond which i believe BF mothers achieve.
My daughter and I are close now, but I often think how different it might have been in her early years. I could have been put in a wheelchair and taken to her; I could have been encouraged to express milk which could be given to her. But back in 1978 it seemed to be "make life easy for the nurses".

I had my daughter in an American military hospital in 1971 and breastfeeding rates among American mothers were very low at that time. They seemed to be actively encouraged to put their babies onto formula from the get-go. After the difficulties I had had with breastfeeding my son, I had already made the decision not to breastfeeding my daughter but had I not, I felt it would have been frowned upon. Babies were taken to the nursery and fed during the night to allow mothers to sleep!

DS1 refused to take a bottle from me - he knew what he liked - but when we were househunting, my sister in law was able to bottle feed him. I was hugely engorged and feverish when I got back to her house and the feed he got then should have sunk him! Strangely enough, at 7 months he refused breastfeeding completely. Just zipped his lips and I got him on a cup straight away. A very determined infant he was!

I was devastated not to be able to breast feed either of my DC. The last thing I would have needed was a negative reaction from anyone else as I felt bad enough anyway. Thankfully both have grown up to be strapping six foot plus men so the guilt and worry that I may have given them a bad start to life has long gone.

It does seem amazing that the decision seems to depend on the fashion at the time.
My first was overdue and in an incubator for the first 2-3 days (anoxia). When I was at last allowed to hold him I was encouraged to breastfeed, and it worked well, he soon got the hang of it.
And thank God had no serious consequences from his early problems.

DS2 was in SCBU for nine days after he was born. I was sent home and there was no milk bank. I expressed milk every day and when he was ready to come home, he happily abandoned the bottle and took to breastfeeding as if he'd been starved. Nine months later... I weaned him to the cup.

I am hugely in favour of breast-feeding where a mother is able to do so, if for no other reason than it is enormously reassuring to know that the baby has received the colostrum and also the breast milk that is so beneficial to immunity from infection. Nature does know best over this - I am fascinated by the fact that a feeding mother can provide help to a baby to fight off an infection that the mother does not have and has never had. Apparently the baby conveys information about the infection to the mother when suckling and the mother produces antibodies, even though she does not have the infection herself - quite amazing!

I do think that mothers should be encouraged to breast feed if they are able, but not made to feel bad if it is not possible. It is part of public health information that mums should know breast is best, and that knowledge should be made available.

Of course breast is best and if possible how a baby should be fed (my 3 were) BUT if it is a choice between a reluctant, harrassed, unhappy mum breast feeding and a happy relaxed bottle feeder then bottle feeding wins out. What is important is that mum should work out what is best for her and her baby and be supported in that decision. Babies are happiest when mums are happy and content. The sort of milk they get is secondary to the feelings passed on to them as they feed.

Absolutely true trisher

The pressures put on them to be the 'perfect' wife, mother, have the 'perfect' pregnancy, labour, baby, child etc are quite frankly ridiculous and unobtainable without being made to feel inadequate when breastfeeding doesn't work out.
I've known new mums who had emergency and planned Caesarean sections who've felt they've 'failed', how sad.

It's ages since I've been on this site. I see jingle is still making idiotic remarks.

The main thing missing from formula milk is that ability to help with immunity. I am sure most mothers would find it reassuring to have this asset on their side; and they should be given every help and encouragement to feed. I can understand when breast feeding does not work out (this happened to me with my first who refused to suck) but the idea of choosing to bottle feed for some other reason (I can't really think of a good one!) seems unsatisfactory to me. There should be lots of support available to help mums to use their breasts for the purpose for which they were intended.

I see the odd bitch is still popping up on Gransnet.

Some women have issues and hang-ups about their breasts and breast feeding and no amount of support can help them over this. They may choose to bottle feed for a reason that isn't obvious or valid to other people, undermining them by devaluing their concerns doesn't help. Support- yes condemnation because they choose not to- No!

Immunity is an interesting subject, re breast feeding. I BF both my children for a year.

DS 1 had chicken pox when DS2 was 3months old. A week later DS2 had chicken pox! Until he saw for himself our GP wouldn't believe it.

The same son had shingles at the age of 4. That time 4 doctors looked at him before agreeing on the diagnosis.

So, does BF offer immunity? x

jinglbellsfrocks out with it! Who is the odd bitch you are referring to?

Oh petallus, just read the thread...

Certainly not you petallus. I think it might be obvious if you read a certain recent post!

That GN paranoia you mentioned must be catching, jingl...

Yep! Sad really.