Gransnet forums


menopause comments

(54 Posts)
pattypan Tue 09-Jun-15 16:34:25

At the weekend we were going out to lunch. I spent ages getting ready, wanting to look nice for the occasion. I wore a pale blue cotton shirt and when he saw it my husband said "well that's going to look great with sweat patches if you get a hot flush isn't it?"

I was so taken aback. Yes, actually he was right, but just for once I would like my life not to be governed by the bloody menopause which is really not proving to be fun at all. Am I unreasonable to want this?

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 09-Jun-15 16:36:46

Oh! Well yes, there are probably more subtle ways to have made the point!

But you have given us an idea. Things NOT to say to a menopausal woman grin Love to hear more <takes notes to leave casually strewn around for DH>

loopylou Tue 09-Jun-15 16:38:39

I'd have thumped him.....actually my DH would have had more sense not to say a word!

loopylou Tue 09-Jun-15 16:39:25

Probably best not to say 'You look hot' under any context grin

HildaW Tue 09-Jun-15 16:46:38

I've always thought that paler colours were better if one 'glows' a little more than usual.

soontobe Tue 09-Jun-15 16:56:58

YANU op.
As suggested by janerowena on another thread a few weeks ago, I have cut down my milk consumption a lot, and it is having a big imapct on the number of hot flushes.

I am sorry I cannot help you CariGransnet. My DH and others are still full of jokes, several years on from the onset of mine. But he has to put up with me being too far too hot near him sometimes, so I just roll my eyes at his jokes.

KatyK Tue 09-Jun-15 17:21:21

Well I am past the menopause now but my DH is on hormone therapy for prostate cancer and gets hot flushes! He said to me recently 'I didn't appreciate what you were going through until now'. He has to sit with a fan by his side at all times.

janerowena Tue 09-Jun-15 17:53:58

I can remember asking my MiL if she had just been swimming once, when she arrived at our house. blush She never used to go red, but her hair used to look permanently wet.

I also asked another older friend at a party (these were about ten years ago when I was still ignorant of such things) how she had got so sunburnt in the winter! She hadn't realised she was so red, and told me it was alcohol and the menopause.

I really do think women should be more open about it, then people would be able to guess and not say the wrong thing.

Yes soon, I had to start using skimmed milk, no more cream or greek yoghourt, I am just starting to be able to use them again now but not in any quantity. That stopped the hot flushes.

But alcohol caused the red faces, so I learnt from my friend in advance not to drink when I was out unless I was with very good friends. You are completely unaware of it until you go to the loo and this tomato is staring back at you in the mirror.

janerowena Tue 09-Jun-15 17:56:28

Sweat patches - a tissue placed in the cleavage, jammed in place by the bra, one more either side of the bra under the arms, are good emergency measures. A cotton camisole under every top, no matter how hot the weather, is also good - and wear only natural fabrics.

AshTree Tue 09-Jun-15 18:11:56

I'm way past the menopause (which was forced on me by way of a total hysterectomy at age 43!). Nowadays I get hot flushes as a result of the steroids I take. Without warning my head can start to run with sweat - I often don't even know it's happening until I feel it trickle down my neck or face. SO embarrassing if I'm out, as it's impossible to hide the fact that my hair has become soaking wet. In warm weather I make sure I have a hat with me but, of course, that makes me hot, which makes me sweat more blushangry

Starling Tue 09-Jun-15 19:10:57

I don't know if people saw this item on BBC last week - it was billed as :

"Menopause guidelines to be issued by doctors" (I think they meant to doctors)

"The menopause can be a turbulent time for many women, but until now there had been no official guidance on how to treat it. On Monday, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) published its first guidelines to doctors on the subject."

However NICE seems to be consulting on their draft guidelines:

Would we like more help from the medical profession on dealing with menopause symptoms? Or should it not be seen as a medical issue?

loopylou Tue 09-Jun-15 19:18:34

Certainly cutting right down on fats helped me when menopausal, the symptoms dramatically increased if I forgot.

Deedaa Tue 09-Jun-15 22:58:57

Sounds like a typical example of male tact and diplomacy! I think DH was probably quite disappointed that I had no noticeable menopausal symptoms for him to make "humorous" remarks about.

Sorry you're having a hard time pattypan there seems to be no rhyme or reason why some people are badly affected yet others hardly at all.

downtoearth Wed 10-Jun-15 09:19:36

They are no joke so I do not take anyone elses suffering lightly but in my own case will laugh and say I am having a hot one as I furiously fan my face...they seem to have lessened recently but always feel uncomfortable in humid weather . I had a hysterectomy when I was 41 but ovaries where left in place and started with awful hot flushes around the age of 57/8,but have had night sweats for at least 20 years.My teenanage GD lives with us and my flushes seem worse at the time of her period,I always know when her period is due as I get bloating and sore boobs and a feeling of tension,and release when the period starts,my late flushes coincided with start of her periods...have read that women in close proximity with each each other synchronise their DIL spends a lot of time with us and her period is the same time as GD x

gillybob Wed 10-Jun-15 11:05:00

I am having a miserable time of it at the moment. Hot flushes that come and go all day long and awful night sweats too, making sleep very difficult. So bad sometimes I have had to have a cold shower in the middle of the night or go and stand outside in the garden to get some relief. My hair is pathetic and my skin very dry. I am feeling quite down.

My GP has refused me HRT on the grounds that my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer at 59 whilst my sister who sailed through the menopause at 48 was given HRT by her (different) GP, even though she didn't have any symptoms at all.

I don't know how long I can go on like this trying to work full time, care for grandchildren, parents and grandma without any sleep.

Sorry pattypanfor being so miserable on what should have perhaps have been a lighthearted thread. sad

janerowena Wed 10-Jun-15 11:14:12

We used to have quite a few rows about me wanting a thinner duvet on and the window open throughout the year. DBH had to start wearing pyjamas because he got cold, which made him cross. Now we have a tog4 duvet and the window open, he had to give in eventually! I don't get flushes at night very often (the only time I do have them), but if I do it wakes him up so he just gave in. I know I've been let off very lightly, it could have been far worse. I had cream so rarely it was pretty obvious, so that led to cutting down on fats, and I had the advance warning about alcohol which saved many a social occasion, but I know I could have been in a dreadful state if I had no idea how to help myself.

If I am going to have a hot flush at night, it starts off with a nightmare in which I am burning to death, and I can see the red and yellow colours of the flames all around me. I can wake myself up pretty quickly and know to fling off the duvet and get out of bed, have a cold drink and walk around a bit, but I used to fling the windows wide open, I was so desperate.

soontobe Wed 10-Jun-15 11:30:22

gillybob. I have no idea if you have been checked out, but could you have an underactive thyroid?
I dont know all the symptoms for that, but dry skin can be one of them. And "pathetic" hair too, if I remember correctly.

loopylou Wed 10-Jun-15 11:41:37

I bought a 'Chillow', a pillow that slips inside your pillow case. There are a number of different versions, one's an actual pillow with a gel layer, the other's just the gel pad. No need to put it in the fridge or freezer, they are wonderful! Don't know how they work but the gel pad is slim enough to stick up your nightie or tee shirt when starting to 'glow'
I had a couple of them so I could swop them over during the night.
I think I got them on Amazon.

thatbags Wed 10-Jun-15 11:56:58

We solved the different temperature problem by having a single duvet each, janer. I'm the cold one.

Ana Wed 10-Jun-15 12:07:40

I do think you should perhaps go back to your GP and ^demand* HRT gillybob! Or find another doctor in the practice who'd be willing to prescribe it.

Working full time with all your other commitments and no sleep must be draining, to say the

thatbags Wed 10-Jun-15 12:39:55

I think I'd go back too, gilly. After all, it should be your choice about whether you are willing to take the cancer risk. So long as the GP has informed you about the risk, he or she has done their duty in that respect, then it's to you to decide. Besides, your life is being so disrupted now and that's what you have to cope with now, not some possible scenario in the vague future. GP's job is to treat you for actual problems now, not to treat risk.

loopylou Wed 10-Jun-15 12:44:18

Definitely go back gilly, I got to the point of barely functioning because of a contrary GP locum who'd apparently decided that HRT was a no-no for any woman.
When I saw a different GP I was prescribed it immediately and it was a lifesaver.

sunseeker Wed 10-Jun-15 12:50:29

I have been having the hot flushes for over 15 years now! Nothing I do helps, I will be quite comfortable and will suddenly start to sweat and usually end up with red face, sweat running down my back and wet hair. Night sweats are also very bad and I usually sleep with just a sheet over me and the window open no matter what the weather outside. I had breast cancer some 20 odd years ago and my doctor does not recommend I use HRT. I keep hoping that things will improve over the years but so far no luck!!

sparkygran Wed 10-Jun-15 15:20:12

This thread has been such an eyeopener for me I have suffered from hot flushes for the past 20+ years and over the years have seen different GPs none of whom were any use at all. I`m heading off to Amazon now thanks to loopylou for a Chillow - have never heard of it before. pattypan flowers for you.

hildajenniJ Wed 10-Jun-15 15:57:46

Hello gillybob, your symptoms sound just like mine. Terrible hot flushes, night sweats, insomnia, dry itchy skin, need I go on. But, recently I have noticed that if I cut right down on meat, the hot flushes disappear!!! My DH has been diagnosed with hypertension, and was told to drastically reduce the amount of red meat in his diet. Voilà, hot flushes gone. Skin still dry, and still insomniac but cool.