Deadline for DS.

My Dad left when I was 9 S2B and it was good riddance to him. But he kept coming back and he left again when I was 11 and again when I was 13. And then when he came back my mum upted and left him! Then when I was 14 we all moved back in again and he left when I was 14 and mum left again when I was 16, and so it went on.

I was never sure who I was living with from one month to the next. It's not an excuse. He needs to man up.

AND I was dumped in a boarding school with nuns for two years when I was 7! And I'm perfectly normal(ish).

Only you know if you could really chuck him out. Do you feel love for him?

You might be better off without him. But you couldn't put him out without him having somewhere safe to go, could you? You could encourage him to try and find work, and a place to live, within a year from now. See what happens.

Part of me says, he's your kid. Look after him. Because that's how I still feel about all three of mine. And they are a darn sight older than your son.

ruby
Truculent teenagers are a pain at the best of times, but if you are on your own and not well it must be really getting you down.

If he was going to university he would be off at 18 or 19, perhaps never to come back again except for visits.
There must be alternatives. I do know a lot of young people join the Forces but that might not be for him and I don't know that I would recommend it for one of mine these days.

Yes, he is young, but plenty have left home by 18 or 19, and many more hang around until their 30s!

I think you both need to have a serious talk, perhaps with an intermediary so that you don't each go off at a tangent and get upset, about what he really wants to do, what you want in the future and practical solutions to what is an unhappy situation for you both.

I hope you can find a way forward for both of you.

That was a very sad situation for you Anya.

It would be great if you could pass on what you know to rubylady's son, but life doesnt really work like that sadly.

I suppose[could be wrong] that different people take things in different ways.

Can I ask how you were feeling at age 18 or 19? Did you leave home then?

I left home at 18 to go to Teacher Training College. I didn't inform either parent where I had gone. My father was the 'parent in residence' that year and I simply told him I was going to college. I forged his signature on my grant form.

No, you can't pass this sort of thing on, but my point is 'children' can be very resilient. I was never 'babied' as Ruby's son has been, so he might not be able to acquire the life skills I did, from a very early age. I can laugh at my chaotic upbringing now, but believe me it wasn't funny at the time. However it has made me a very strong person.

I left home on the eve of my 18th birthday, I think we were much more grown up in the 60s, I had already been working for two years.
I probably would have married earlier but would not ask parents for their permission so waited until I was 21.

Your post harrigran has made me wonder whether going out to work from age 14 or 16, as opposed to leaving school at 18 or not entering work until 21 after uni, makes young people grow up faster.
I suppose that is logical really. I had not thought of that before.
When I as at school, people either started work at 16 or 18 generally.

Now, I am wondering about home schooling. Does that make young people grow up slower or faster than mainstream school. Or no difference?

Even we were a pampered generation as children, here in the UK st least, not going down the mines or working in the mills. But there are children all over our world slaving away still or dodging bombs, air strikes and bullets.

I was also at work shortly after my 16th birthday, higher education was not an option, and like harrigran I married three weeks after I was 21 to "escape"I was told I would not be allowed to do so before. We did grow up very fast in those days but I have always been very independent.

I'm another one who was at work at just 16. I didn't even have a say about the job - my parents arranged a junior office clerk (also known as MUG) position at their solicitor's office. I was paid £3 per week including Saturday morning until 1pm and my bus fares were 10 shillings weekly. I handed over my pay packet to my Mother, who gave me £1 back for fares and "spending money".

After a year I found myself another job at the local electricity board at double the pay for just 5 days so then Mum said I should pay her board money of £3 per week.

Another year later I joined the Inland Revenue and earned £30 per month which enabled me to flat share with another girl. I got married at 21 and had a long and successful career with the Revenue.

I do think that we had to grow up and be more responsible than the youth today who have 5 years education more than I had and don't start work until the age I was running my own home!