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University visit.

(39 Posts)
rubylady Thu 15-Oct-15 04:35:50

I know I have moaned about my DS and rightly so. I take all your views onboard and pray that I can stay sane until he has done his A levels and got his place at University.

My new gripe is that he has asked his teacher to take him to the open day at the Welsh University he wants to go to and she has agreed, without telling me. I feel hurt to be usurped as his lone parent and the only one who has been there and struggled with him all his life.

AIBU to be deprived of the glory of seeing where he might get to live/study for the next 4 years? I am starting to confuse myself.

Anya Thu 15-Oct-15 12:23:52

I agree it's a bit 'odd'. All the above queries need an answer plus is this teacher planning on taking a day off teaching? And has this been approved by her HoD?

Anya Thu 15-Oct-15 12:26:45

PS 'glory' is a very strange word to use ruby ....'pleasure or chance' are words I might have used.

annodomini Thu 15-Oct-15 12:32:29

It must be 25 years since DS2 researched University courses and I was far too busy to take him every time - or even at any time. He knew far better than I did exactly what he wanted. I think my ex went with him once, but only because he needed transport. From what DS told me, I got the impression that he interviewed the lecturer rather than vice versa. Anyway, he got the offers he wanted and was able to select one he liked best. Surely prospective students will create a better impression by showing initiative rather than dragging a parent along with them - or a teacher for that matter.

Deedaa Thu 15-Oct-15 20:20:21

DD didn't even go to look at the university herself. She hadn't applied to any and just got a place through clearing when she got her A Level results. The first time she saw the place was when she drove up at the start of term. It was several months before we went up to visit her and we never saw where she was working until her graduation.

Gracesgran Thu 15-Oct-15 20:38:10

I agree with what everyone has said. It is hard not to be included but it actually shows you have been successful in getting him to be an independent young adult. It's a bit of a right of passage doing it without mum or dad.

durhamjen Thu 15-Oct-15 23:39:21

My eldest son went for two interviews in Newcastle on his 18th birthday and the day after. We were living in Hampshire at the time, but the only people he knew up there were his grandparents. So on his 18th he went out for a meal with his grandparents, and has never let us forget it! It was in Warkworth, a nice place.

rubylady Fri 16-Oct-15 01:16:28

Thank you all for your comments. He turns 19 next year.

I suppose I was feeling shocking yesterday and not the best day for him to say anything about university really.

I had been to the hospital with my dad yesterday, seeing a specialist who more than not thinks he has cancer. He already has the dementia. I feel like I have been run over by a steam roller. My dad had forgot within minutes of us getting back from the hospital that we had even been.

Things are happening beyond my control, maybe that is part of it and also I am losing my dad and my son.

I just wanted to see where he would be living.

whitewave Fri 16-Oct-15 07:47:19

Oh ruby what a hard day.

Yes when you are under stress you sometimes go off piste as it were. You sound more together now in your post.

Don't worry about seeing where he will live, plenty of time for that. If you have a car he may well hope that will take all his clobber, so you will see it all then.

Anya Fri 16-Oct-15 08:10:43

Feeling helpless is very stressful Ruby flowers

elena Fri 16-Oct-15 10:38:34

I didn't go with any of my three to visit universities - from what I gather, some parents do and some parents don't. The eldest two did go with teachers, to one of the prospective universities, in a group with a few others.

I don't know your back story, rubylady, but on the face of it, this incident is not worth worrying about!

jinglbellsfrocks Fri 16-Oct-15 10:46:11

He probably thinks you are not well enough to go! You say yourself that sometimes you struggle to breathe. I think this teacher is giving him special attention because he needs it. I would be grateful.

Elrel Fri 16-Oct-15 18:42:58

GS seems to have settled well into univ and accommodation neither of which he'd seen, or shown any interest in seeing, until the start of term. Amusingly he's commenting that some fellow students never seem to emerge from their rooms, he who spent most of a gap year in his own!!
Gratifyingly for his mother he also said how much simpler it is to take a tea cloth and wipe your crockery, cutlery after washing up instead of piling it on the draining board to dry with everyone else's. It avoids teetering piles of dishes smashing to the ground!
He'll be discovering washing machines on campus next!

M0nica Sun 18-Oct-15 22:22:47

ruby I hope you are feeling better. News like you have had is a shock and not easy to deal with.

I really would not be too concerned about your son visiting a university without you. Living accommodation isn't sorted out until after A level results and the university place being confirmed so you would get no idea of what his living accommodation would be like and apart from physically seeing the campus and buildings, you will get little idea about what his life will be like at university once he is there. A university open day is a bit like a sightseeing bus journey around a town you have never been to before. You can see what it looks like but have no idea what living there would be like.

Concentrate on caring for yourself and your father. It looks as if your son is making practical plans to achieve the independence you want him to have.