On Christmas Day I will......

As the late Spike Milligan- characteristically apt said- :sleeping

My husband died 8 years ago, my daughter was 17. My parents fell out with me (just a month after my husbands death) because I couldnt face going out for Christmas lunch, especially as they had chosen our favourite restaurant. They didnt speak to me or my daughter for over 8months, no christmas presents for me or my daughter and no present or card for her 18th which was 4months after she lost her daddy!

The following few years I was 'encouraged' to join my parents every Christmas day even though I would have preferred to be alone. Daughter went to uni in England. They knew I wanted to be alone but insisted on a 'family christmas'.

Dad died in 2012 and once again my mother and I fell out over fact I couldnt cope playing happy families just because it was Christmas. I spent the day alone and loved it while she went to family in England. I had phone calls from my children and grandchildren, cried alot, made some sort of dinner, snuggled up in front of fire, watched rubbish on TV and drank wine.

Since my daughter and son moved I have never expected them to include me in the Christmas day plans. Although I did stay with my daughter one year. I loved having Christmas when they were young (although having an alcoholic husband usually caused problems before the end of the day). They are adults now, one has 3 children of his own, and in my opinion they are entitled to make their own plans with their own friends and children.

Maybe I am in the minority here but I dont see why we as parents expect our adult children to invite us for Christmas. It is only one day and they have the right to enjoy it as well. I have lots of good friends who invite me to spend the day with them but always refuse.

This year I have a wonderful new partner to enjoy the day with, although this is our 2nd Christmas together but if I was alone I would just enjoy the day doing exactly what I want to do

I could not cope with the Christmas songs in the shops today. I suspect my Christmas day will be as unmemorable as the others in the last few years.

As far as my OH is concerned he is not much use as an entertaining companion, he has no idea of how to enjoy himself on anyone else's terms but his own.
Sorry I am feeling gloomy today.

I've done all the presents and cards, some food is in the cupboards, advent calendars and candle ready.

I am enjoying the build up, inbetween the bad stuff (trips to Christies with my dad), trying to keep his spirits up and laughing. I could either be sad or enjoy my time with him while I can. His diseases will not take him from me yet so laughter and smiles it is.

On the day I'll invite him over, have some fun with the games I have bought my son and then quiten down and watch the soaps with my dad while my son goes back to his cave.

I think the thing is to evolve, to change according to the circumstances. We used to have housefulls, both as a child and as an adult, but it's different now, but, in some way, still very enjoyable if a lot quieter.

I have traditions now that I do for myself, and I have ordered a pre-filled Christmas stocking this year, so that I can open something which I don't know what it is as my dad doesn't buy me anything and my son can't be bothered! lol Make it special for yourself.

My daughter and grandson don't really like the fairly "tame" and traditional way we celebrate Christmas. She has a sort of "open house" with people dropping in throughout the day and lots of music - she doesn't have a TV. So for the last few years we haven't spent Christmas Day together - although they might drop round for an hour or so in the late afternoon or come round on Boxing Day instead.

My son, his partner and mum-in-law and their children usually spend Christmas Day with us and sometimes Boxing Day (and my mum comes for about ten days) - and I'm very pleased they come. I don't "expect" it as some sort of right - I know this can cause resentment because my own parents always "expected" to spend the whole Christmas/New Year period with us, and when we were both working I did find it quite tiring. It caused arguments with my husband who became very grumpy and I found the whole period very stressful.

Gran Canaria for us at Christmas, which is exactly as we like it after years of having to entertain elderly aunties!

Our sons and grandchildren will be doing whatever they fancy. I'm not a fan of Christmas, though I loved it when the children were small, so it's nice to escape the constant bombardment of advertising.

I often wonder just how many people will be spending Christmas exactly as they'd like.

rubylady I've done the presents and the cards I'm just being to plan what to buy.

Oh, just remembered I put a bacon joint in the freezer last week. #patsherselfontheback

Going to DDs for lunch - not sure about Boxing Day. Reading all the posts I think I must ask DD if she would like to do their own thing next year, especially now the GSs are past the present stage and into cash.

Just wondering - if you do all the presents and cards by mid-November, what on earth do you do for the next five weeks? I rather like the sense of challenge that has me surfing the net a week before Christmas!

All I have done so far is paint some cards. Must get some lists going.

I like to enclose a letter with most of the cards and it is a personal one, not a "round robin" letter so that takes time. I am trying to cut out sending cards to friends with whom I am in contact either via email or on the phone, attempting to keep costs down.

To friends with email - most of them, nowadays - I have taken to sending e-cards, though oldest and closest friends receive a 'real' card and a letter. Surely as the cost rises astronomically year by year, fewer people are posting cards and the Post Office has cut off its nose to spite its face.

ann and nina I have, in the past, done everyone else's present right up to the day and then I don't get to have much pleasure time or presents.

So, all done for everyone else now. From now until then I will take myself off for days to the garden centre, take in all the scrumminess of the season, have a lovely lunch, go to town and see the Christmas lights and the ice rinks while having mulled wine, go to the different markets, watch some gushy films on tele and just generally enjoy the build up. Along with buying myself some lovely little things. I don't get much at all off anyone so I give myself Christmas with doing things and meeting some lovely people along the way.

My dad is going to Christies now for treatment as well as coping with his dementia so it is more important to enjoy the season, for myself and with others too. X

rubylady - I've never heard of a pre-filled Christmas Stocking and am off to google, as I quite fancy one too! I used to love feeling the crispy crunchiness of our stockings at the end of the bed with my feet when we were children (they were the white mesh kind). Haven't had a stocking for so many years now. Am impressed with all your preparations and like the idea of having free time now to enjoy what the season has to offer, instead of being stressed out rushing around in the last couple of weeks.
Hope all goes well for you this Christmas.

Thank you Nanabelle, sorry reply is late, been busy with my dad.

Did you find the stockings? Next year I am going to buy little things through the year and wrap as I buy and put them in a stocking so that I have forgot at Christmas what the things are. Or I might just have some 6ft hunk sweeping me off my feet and surprising me! (Wake up, you're dreaming again! lol)

As it has turned out it's a good job I got sorted early with having to take my dad back and forth to the hospital and then resting up inbetween. Just a bit more food and drink to get and wrap some presents and sort out the lucky dip box I am doing for my son.

I am enjoying this wild weather we keep having though. I have the window open and the wind is billowing around beautifully, blowing some cobwebs away.

I hope you are well and enjoying the run up to the festive season. I am looking forward to opening the stocking, although knowing my luck it will be washing up gloves and some scourers!