Gransnet forums


Is it just my DH or is it a man thing

(42 Posts)
overthehill Sat 28-Nov-15 21:24:43

My husband, looks on all strangers as potential thieves and villains. We do have a friend who is similar.

Say the council for example put in security cameras somewhere he will say "won't be long before a vandal destroys those" perhaps a new wall will go up somewhere "there'll be graffiti on that before you know it".

He believes we are going to be robbed, broken into etc. etc. I don't like to tempt fate but although we live in London and yes there are break-ins occasionally, it's not downtown Johannesburg here.

I am grateful for the burglar alarm we have fitted as we did have a spate of break-ins a couple of years back. We do as well have a dummy camera on the front door a working one on the back of our garage, little spikes of plastic (with sign to warn) on the garage roof and then today he remarked burglars could, if they could get entry to the garden remove fence panels and he's seen some devices which locks them in place. Thankfully, he is not going down that avenue.

I'm not burying my head in the sand although he would probably disagree but I can't spend time worrying about what might happen.

soontobe Sat 28-Nov-15 22:04:50

My DH is not like that.

When you say a spate of break-ins, did that happen to you, or people you know, or neighbours?

Luckygirl Sat 28-Nov-15 22:13:09

We have an ongoing disagreement about the key in our front door. I say we should leave it in at night to make it easy to get out in the event of a fire. He wants it removed in case a thief breaks the glass to get it or fishes it out via the letter box. Now, if someone did try that they would: deserve a medal for finding us (we live in the middle of nowhere); have to avoid the burglar alarm; have to fail to set the security lights off (which floodlight our bedroom!) - I just don't get it!

fluttERBY123 Sat 28-Nov-15 22:34:00

We have a deadlock, yale lock and gigantic bolt, inherited, on our front door. Deadlock only for when we go out. Bolt at night. So in the event of fire etc we get out at the front by yale and unbolting.

Patio door at the back - just a key but it is not in lock but out of sight on floor under curtain. Everyone knows where it is but there are windows either side in event of fire anyway.

Luckygirl, why not have key under the inside mat, a spare one? Our front door has had a small pane of glass broken to put hand in to open door - before our time.

Anya Sat 28-Nov-15 22:56:50

It's a 'getting-on-a- bit man thing' - they get grumpier and more paranoid once they hit 60 especially if they've retired. Women generally wait until the mid 70s before their cumudgery gene kicks in. I might have made that word (cumudgery) up.

Indinana Sat 28-Nov-15 23:12:16

Luckygirl we had a similar disagreement discussion about whether or not to leave the key in the door. The worry was not over someone being able to break in, but the possibility of our both being incapacitated in some way and our DC (who live nearby and have keys to our house) being unable to gain access if the key is in the lock (this did, in fact, happen to our neighbour who had a fall, was able to call her daughter, but daughter was unable to get in and they had to call the fire brigade).
We resolved the issue by screwing a small hook into the architraving behind the inner door and hanging a key there. It is unreachable by anyone breaking the small pane of glass or fishing around through the letterbox, but is instantly accessible by us in an emergency.

grumppa Sat 28-Nov-15 23:44:18

Not fair, Anya! I deny the paranoid impeachment!

lefthanded Sun 29-Nov-15 00:49:15

Curiously, our relationship is exactly the opposite. She's the glass-half-empty one who sees every minor setback as a looming disaster. If 2 people she knows have colds at the same time then she would be convinced that it was the start of an Asian Flu pandemic which was about to decimate the population!

Me? I'm the world's most incurable optimist! And on the odd occasion when things DO go wrong I take my lead from Jerome Kern ("pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.")

kittylester Sun 29-Nov-15 06:26:00

We used to have a key pot (a wide bowl) on the chest of drawers in the hall. Everyone dropped their keys in as they passed. Then dh locked himself out and fished a set of keys out using a garden cane and the letter box! We all now put keys in a drawer! The deadlock key is turned at night, taken out and hung on a cup hook screwed under one of the cross pieces of the door - unseeable from the letterbox!

Anya Sun 29-Nov-15 07:06:39

grumppa of course I do not include you in that description....perish the thought!

Liz46 Sun 29-Nov-15 07:36:42

My husband was in the forces for 25 years so I could be forgiven for thinking he may be security concious. No, he leaves doors unlocked, windows open etc. I now check frequently after realising once that the back door must have been unlocked for days.

cornergran Sun 29-Nov-15 07:52:27

Same here liz. DH has been known to go out without locking the front door and don't ask how many nights the back has been left open. Not just an age thing - always. grin. I sort of wish he had the OTT security bug. I check it all now. Our front door key does get left in the lock at night. Think we need a different system though. Like the idea of an out of sight hook.

whitewave Sun 29-Nov-15 08:04:33

I am much more laid back about security than DH. I suppose it comes from living in a rural area most of my early years when nothing was locked and people simply walked in without knocking often. I potter off to bed and leave him to clank and click all the doors smile

Leticia Sun 29-Nov-15 08:08:25

I don't think it is a man thing at all- just a pessimistic individual.

vampirequeen Sun 29-Nov-15 08:34:36

DH is laid back but my mum...omg. She is constantly aware of thieves, burglars, vandals etc. She trusts no one......including me hmm. I'm not allowed to have a key for her house because she doesn't trust my DH. And as for my friend in South Africa. No matter how many times I explain that she's a poor white South African (they don't exist according to my mum) my mum is convinced that she's a "big black Nigerian man with seven wives, sixteen children and a mansion near Niarobi". Yes my mum reads and believes the Daily Mail grin

overthehill Sun 29-Nov-15 08:40:18


Neighbours were broken onto, not us but I'm grateful for the intruder alarm

ninathenana Sun 29-Nov-15 12:11:05

I don't want to alarm anyone but .....
We were out, all doors and windows were locked there was evidence that he had tried to open the windows at the back without success so the A.H. took the bottom panel out of the fully double glazed back door. Insurance sent out a specialist firm to replace it with tamperproof sealant etc. This didn't stop him coming back a couple of years later and entering the same way ! When it was replaced that time the guy said you need to make sure the glazing bars are on the inside which he did. We also have a state of the art alarm now.
Locks don't necessarily solve the problem.

Synonymous Mon 30-Nov-15 10:27:04

A policeman friend told me that any security device was for buying time and none are 100% effective. The idea is to make it as difficult as possible to get in so that it is seen by the would-be miscreant as not worth taking the risk of getting caught.
The biggest drawback in this day and age is the miscreants' 'human rights'! Like we have all lost the right to protect self and property. confused

rosesarered Mon 30-Nov-15 10:36:04

You have to make it difficult for an opportunistic burglar, the other kind will probably get in regardless if they are determined enough and they think yours looks like the kind of house worth breaking into.The best deterrent is a barking dog.
To answer the OP, was your DH always like this? Mine not only leaves windows open and doors unlocked, but on one night out last year, the front door wide open!

Cosafina Mon 30-Nov-15 11:16:00

I got burgled a couple of years ago because I didn't use to lock the front door (a uPVC door). The attending police told me that when unlocked, uPVC doors are a breeze to open, but when locked they are impregnable.

So I started locking the front door, and a few months later was woken on a hot night by the noise of something falling off the table under the open window. I assumed it was the cat but all the voices outside (which I took to be next door) were preventing me from getting back to sleep, so I went to look out of the other window - and found a man on the roof of the bay trying to come in my bedroom window!

When I asked what was going on, he jumped down while one of his mates (the rest walked off) told me they'd made a mistake, they were looking for a girl and had got the wrong house.

It took me a few minutes after they'd left to realise they were trying to burgle me again (I had only just woken up!). Sadly they were never caught, but now I only open the window that isn't over the bay.

Teacher11 Mon 30-Nov-15 12:01:59

We have had the exact 'discussion' in that my DH, whose parents used to lock inner doors as well as outer ones, locked the door in the summer when we were going in and out of the garden. He became obsessive about locking us in and I had to point out that the house was resembling a prison, not to mention the fact that the children couldn't get out in the event of a fire. I prevailed as I cannot bear to be confined and I was not going to allow the children to be endangered. I have given way to his opinion on various other issues as I am not too bothered about much of what we do and am happy to compromise.

He is also a bit of an grumpy, ungrateful Eyeore at times given to underestimating how lucky he is and to complaining about tiny pinpricks as if he is the most unfortunate of men.

Perhaps it is a man thing.

Nelliemoser Mon 30-Nov-15 12:41:14

I have a front door key on a string tucked behind the hall radiator. The letter box is in a panel the other side of the door. It could not be reached from the letter box. However if someone wants to break in they will find a way. It's just wise to make it as hard as possible.

I have found our patio doors unlocked before now. We don't use them much because of the usually free flying budgies.

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 30-Nov-15 13:39:24

We once had a small burgulary (only a bit of cash taken. I think it was the milkman) because we left the key in the lock on the inside. He managed to turn it. Always take it out now.

dolphin Mon 30-Nov-15 13:58:34

I live alone and never double lock my front door or bolt it - what if something happened to me in the night - or any time - nobody would be able to get in to help. When my husband was alive he also did not agree with bolting the front door at night. But it is a dilemma - I feel vulnerable being alone but have to weigh up either being secure against burglars/intruders or being less secure but leaving the possiblity that someone could get to help in if necessary!!
What do other lone-livers do?

Lona Mon 30-Nov-15 14:02:49

I live alone and my ds, who lives nearby has spare keys. My DD does too, but she lives an hours drive away.
It is a dilemma dolphin , I never leave keys in the lock or the catch down, just in case.