Would you let them stay in the same room? ?

I must be a poor parent as well, my son had his then girlfriend staying when he was 17 and they slept in his room. This was 15 years ago. I wasn't his best friend, I am his mum and I wanted him to be open and honest with me. The relationship didn't last (as many don't) but my son and the girl are still friends. It is the 21st century and we need to help young people to have the best relationships they can and part of that is to stop this idea that sex has to be something done surreptitiously. I don't want it to be obvious, but in the privacy of their own room is fine.
Who was it who said "I don't mind what they do as long as they don't do it in the road and frighten the horses."?

Synonymous I don't know how you have come to the conclusion that this young person may somehow lack consistent care in his life. There was nothing in springchicken's post to indicate that the parents were inconsistent, irresponsible or uncaring.

Marmark Your comment too is rather judgmental. And I'm sure people have different opinions as to how to bring up children "right".

I think we heard you loud and clear the first time, Eloethan!

sorry - didn't mean to post twice.

Agree trisher.

Back in the 1970s when I went to stay with my now hubby his mother still had his 15yr old brother in the house and was not prepared to let us sleep together. I did not have any qualms about accepting that.

Maybe I am being a bit fuddy duddy about it. It certainly does not hurt to make young people realise that other people have feelings which need to be respected.

I think there's the usual division appearing on here between those who think 16yr olds are too young to be having sex and those who accept it is common in this day and age (whether they like it or not).

MarMark, sorry but you are kidding yourself if you think 16yr olds are just 'still doing their homework and playing football'. Many will have decided to wait longer before having sex for the first time and others will not have been in a relationship where it progressed to that stage. But at 16 many will no longer be virgins. Sex education is much more sophisticated these days and nothing like the classes we had. The subject is still causes giggles in the classroom, but the students are encouraged to participate in discussions - and they do just that. The emotional side is discussed, not just the physical.

16yr olds are not children. They are young adults.

Some parents take the view if their 16yr old is having sex, better it be under their roof because it's already happening. I'm not that open minded and glad not to to be in that position.

If I was in the OP's situation, I would tell them they will be in separate rooms and hope they respect my wishes. But I would not pretend they are not possibly already having sex, nor would I judge them if they were. 'My house my rules' doesn't have to sound judgemental and if the young couple argue the point, then they are not as mature as they think because sex is not the issue, respecting someone else's wishes is.

Please can someone explain to me the reasons why they feel uncomfortable with young people having sex under their roof. I know that some people have religious convictions and I respect that. I know that my mother's generation believed in no sex before marriage and if there are still people who think that I would like to know. Even my mother at 93 accepts that her grandchildren and great grandchildren now live with their partners. I am not being critical I just want to understand your viewpoint.

Nellie I would not have had any qualms either, Mid 70's I was in the same position, but, and I am reminding myself here, that was fifty or so years ago.
Sixteen year olds today can be very mature, be in a relationship and the relationship, having sex, does not somehow stop them working hard, growing into responsible, caring adults. In so many ways I do not envy teens growing up in today's world with all it's problems. I wonder if the OP will come back to reply? Hope so.

For me it's not a case of feeling uncomfortable about them having sex under my roof, more that I don't see why two schoolkids, because that's what they are, should expect their Gran to provide a joint bed if they come to stay!

It's not the norm for such young people to be behaving like a married/long term couple, surely?

We're not talking about University-aged young adults here.

And, whilst I'm on my high horse

Many 16-year olds smoke ..... should gran facilitate that too? I would expect any grandson of mine (currently aged 10) to have a sneak fag in the garden, not in my face.

I'm interested in boundaries and general decorum - if you're 16 and having sex don't expect a double bed in my home!

Which is why I'm hoping the OP might come back to reply. The couple may be out at work but as the age of consent in the UK is 16 it's not a factor if they are still at school full time. I believe the age of consent is lower, 14 in some of the EU? As the OP appears not to have asked them they may be absolutely fine of course to stay in their separate rooms during their visit.

Eloethan - Well that will be because there is no stated conclusion "may well be" does not infer any conclusion whatsoever.

Just re-checked the OP and she didn't say that the DGS and his girlfriend are sleeping together.
She did say" we all know what they get up to"
Do we really? They may well be mortified to see what is being surmised!
Perhaps OP doesn't know either.

Trisher I don't know really, maybe it's the inherent prude in me.

Not wanting to hear a headboard rattling against the wall? I know what you two were doing.

My 16 year old great niece is very sensible mature studious and clever,as is her circle of friends.All lovely kids.They have enough to contend with in school today.We would like her to be carefree for as long as possible.Of course she knows what's what,as for being innocent,I wouldn't know of course.But if she brought a boy home to sleep in her room,I'd think her parents had gone mad.
Judgmental,perhaps I am.16 is still a kid.

Marmark - Having good judgement is not the same as judgemental.
Most of the young folk I know are in the same mould as your great niece and also such good company even with their friend's granny!

Riverwalk smoking kills. There may be possible hazards from having sex, but very ill health and possible death are very rare. To use smoking as an example is very strange. No-one smokes in my house, but I am sure some are having sex.
*Nelliemoser" Fix that head board!
Synonymous- In that case no reason they shouldn't share a room-just sleeping!
Marmark Are you sure what your DGD is up to when she stays/goes round to her friends? Even sensible kids want to experiment.

I grew up in the 60s, and most of my friends considered themselves as adults at 16 and most were sexually active (including me, with an older partner, steady relationship and responsibly using contraception. Thinking about it, nowadays he could have been in real trouble, as he was 24- absolutely no regrets and no shame either).

Slightly diverting, I have been disconcerted and embarrassed by the head board bang from friends, long married and with children when they have stayed with us. What that says about me I do not know.

trisher - good reasons to have their own room.

annsixty- next time they come to stay- make sure you put something between headboard and wall to stop the noise - and go to sleep ;)