Would you let them stay in the same room? ?

Where ever are some of you coming from,Is she a child at 16 or not,some child abuse cases involve girls the same age.Are you saying they are responsible or not.
A genuinely confused person here.

It's your house and they should be doing their homework at 16! What next? Room service?

A 16 year old is legally entitled to have a relationship that involves having sex. The only time it is considered abuse is if the other person involved is someone who has had a position of trust that might have enabled them to influence the 16 year old's decision e.g a teacher or youth worker.

How on earth have you made such a leap Mamark? Sixteen is the age of consent and the young man is the OP's grandson. Both parents let them stay over at each other's houses. So are we to conclude there are two pairs of completely feckless parents here? Seems unfair to say the least.

No, I agree. 16 is far too young, and you want,not only them to feel comfortable,but yourself too.
You could also speak to your grandsons parents, let them know, that you are more than happy having them stay, but not in the same room, this way, your grandson and his girlfriend, know beforehand it will be separate rooms, so there will be no ill feeling x

Ok I have to give up again.Its clear some of us are on different planets.Our young people are still doing their homework and playing football,and that's where they are happiest for another 2 or 3 years.

I always used the philosophy my house my rules and did not allow sharing of rooms

Not at 16. if they had just come back from university as partners maybe.

They are not technically adults until they are 18 and they do need to learn about other peoples sensitivities.
They are guests and should behave as such so as not to embarrass their hosts. Your house your rules.

Not in my house. I would put it to them that I feel uncomfortable about them sleeping together in my house and I hope they will understand my feelings.
If they can't understand other people's feelings, then they are not mature enough to be sleeping together anyway.
My children, at 16 never asked about sleeping with boyfriends/ girlfriends but I would have said no. Probably at Uni, they did, but when they came home from Uni with friends, they had separate rooms.
When she got engaged, my daughter asked me if I would mind if they shared a room at our house. I did mind, but decided that they had respected my wishes for so long, I'd let them share.

I think it's irrelevant how both sets of parents feel Springchicken if the knowledge that they'll be sharing a room in your home makes you uncomfortable then give them separate rooms.

When they arrive and you show them their own rooms, they'll understand that you don't want them sharing. No need for an awkward or embarrassing conversation.

Hope you'll simply be able to enjoy their stay.

From what springchicken says, this isn't some quick bunk up after a night out but these young people are in a relationship that both their parents are OK with.

It was reported recently that one-third of young people below the age of 16 have had sex. Whether that is advisable or not, it is unlikely that preventing them from doing so within the confines and safety of their homes will stop them having sex.

Having said that, I feel that if springchicken feels uncomfortable about them sharing a room, she is entitled to act accordingly.

So,Eloethan,that means two thirds aren't,
There's still hope then.

I am surprised their parents haven't told them that you most likely would not be happy with them sleeping together as I presume you didn't allow the parents to sleep together at this age. I would discuss it with the parents and tell the parents you are very happy for them to come and stay but not sleep in the same room. They will then be warned and not expect to sleep together. I think they might also be embarrassed if no one had warned them about your feelings.

They obviously want to come and stay with you for aome reason and it would be good for them to inderstand that when staying in other people's homes we have to conform with their ways.

On a lesser level my grandson eats in front of the TV sometimes but I insist we eat as a family around the table.

I say no for the simple reason that springchicken "feels so uncomfortable about it". And although "we all know what they're up to", for the OP, experiencing it up close in her home might feel completely different.

On a lighter note, my dear friend had a similar problem with her 83 year old MIL bringing her new "boyfriend" to stay and announcing one room would be just fine .

In a word, no. My house, my rules and I wouldn't care what they're allowed to do elsewhere. At 16 this relationship is unlikely to last anyway, no mature how mature they-or others-think they are. Why should I be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home? The parents should have enough sense to know that it wasn't appropriate for you, and to have told them not to expect the same sleeping arrangements at granny's. You shouldn't have been put in this position.

* no matter

I think the suggestion of separate rooms with your firmly bedroom door closed is the best one. It ticks all the boxes. Being sexually active at 16 is common in this day and age, but that doesn't mean it has to be in your face.

I don't understand why the probably realistic feeling that "the relationship is unlikely to last" has any bearing on the matter. It isn't a "one night stand" but even initially happy and satisfactory relationships do wane and come to an end sometimes. How many people on here have had a sexual relationship with only one person?

Me.( But mibbe because nobody's ever asked me!)

Aww! I just think it is highly amusing that so many people want them in separate rooms, but fully expect them to creep around and visit in the middle of the night. Sounds to me like a possible Whitehall farce!

Part of the whole rite of passage from child to adult. (that is rite not right - I have seen it typed as right, but it is a rite, as in ritual, something that must be done and passed through, not a right, as in something that is due to one)

I would give them separate rooms if you can. Nothing to do with the sex, but if they are there for a couple of weeks they may fall out with one another - and to have to share a room with a sulky adolescent having a moody is torment for anyone!

If it is something you feel uncomfortable about then there is no need to ask anyone anything. In your home your standards apply and if that is how it has always been then no-one will be surprised or expect anything to change.
You may well be the one consistent person in DGC's life and they will probably be pleased to know that your boundaries are still in place. Young people often push the boundaries to make sure that you still care enough to keep them there.

Very well said Synonymous,
Consistency and caring enough to be a parent,not the "best freind".
If you bring the children up right they will have many friends,but only one mother.

Synonymous I don't know how you have come to the conclusion that this young person may somehow lack consistent care in his life. There was nothing in springchicken's post to indicate that the parents were inconsistent, irresponsible or uncaring.

Marmark Your comment too is rather judgmental. And I'm sure people have different opinions as to how to bring up children "right".