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Would you let them stay in the same room? ?

(97 Posts)
Springchicken Wed 02-Dec-15 16:37:23

My grandson and his girlfriend are coming to stay in a couple of week's time. They're 16. I know they stay over at each others (parents') houses but I'm fretting about whether or not I should put them in the same room. They're so young and I feel so uncomfortable about it. But it seems so petty to separate them when we all know what they get up to. Advice please?

numberplease Wed 02-Dec-15 16:41:50

Personally, I wouldn`t like it in my house, but if you`re really worried, ask both sets of parents what they think.

kittylester Wed 02-Dec-15 16:44:24

Exactly what number says!

mollie Wed 02-Dec-15 16:57:12

I agree. In your house go with what makes you comfortable. It won't hurt them to be reminded to respect other people's feelings sometimes.

annsixty Wed 02-Dec-15 17:02:18

Well I wouldn't expect it but I am rather old fashioned about this sort of thing and would feel very uncomfortable and at 16 I feel they are far too young for such a relationship.

Charleygirl Wed 02-Dec-15 17:07:46

I totally agree with what has been said already. They are too young to be shacking up in your house. They can do what they like elsewhere but not in your house- they should abide by the few rules that you have.

tanith Wed 02-Dec-15 17:08:57

If both sets of parents are ok with it then I wouldn't have a problem with it.
I'm a bit amazed that people really think that young people of 16 don't have physical relationships if I'm honest.

whitewave Wed 02-Dec-15 17:09:09

Once my son had returned from university, I treated him as an adult and so his girl friend stayed over. However I would have considered both my children as too young at 16, and would not have allowed it. My daughter never had anyone stay over, although she moved out after unvi ersity to live with her boy friend.
I would make it clear to my grandson that that is how I felt. Old fashioned may be but at 16 too young

rosesarered Wed 02-Dec-15 17:15:11

Nope, 16 is too young to be having such a full relationship in my book, they may well get up to all sorts but why provide a double bed and make it easy for them. some parents give up too easily when teenagers nag them.

Elegran Wed 02-Dec-15 17:16:59

Put them in separate rooms, but keep your own bedroom door and your ears well closed. For centuries, generations of young people have "got up to" exactly the same things, while their parents pretended they were not aware of it and that they would never have done it themselves. Most 16-year-olds are too young for a completely "adult" relationship that involves being treated as a full couple, they are still in the experimental phase. If you promote them too soon to being automatically tucked up in a double bed, you are depriving them of an important step forward which they wll reach in due course.

rosesarered Wed 02-Dec-15 17:23:53

Exactly Elegran and anyway,part of being 16 is the sneaking around!

janeainsworth Wed 02-Dec-15 17:26:30

Wise as ever, Elegran.

annsixty Wed 02-Dec-15 17:28:25

Actually I wouldn't have done it myself but admit I am from an earlier age. Not quite medieval but of the generation when unwanted pregnancy was easy and a blight on the family.

ninathenana Wed 02-Dec-15 17:30:00

Like Elegran says I would put them in separate rooms but fully expect to hear creaking floorboards in the night tchgrin
I immediately thought of my nan when I read the title. DH and I were engaged and in our 20's he was living with my grandparents. Grandparents went on holiday and fiancé had to hand over his keys to her before she left so "there was no funny business in my house" daft thing was he had to stay at ours for two weeks giving us plenty of opportunity tchgrin

Elegran Wed 02-Dec-15 17:39:06

The day before my uncle and aunt married, uncle was upstairs packing his stuff to take away. His fiance went up to help him. Granny shouted up the stairs "And don't you get up to anything up there! You're not married yet!"

janeainsworth Wed 02-Dec-15 18:01:14

Mr A and I lived together in my bedsit for 6 months before we got married.
My parents must have known what we were 'up to' but never said anything.
We knew they knew, but we never said anything either.

annsixty Wed 02-Dec-15 18:10:03

But we are talking about 16 year olds here who now have another two years at school or 6th form college. Sorry but it shouldn't be encouraged which is what we are talking about here. I have said my piece and I will leave this thread now.

TerriBull Wed 02-Dec-15 18:13:27

Oh heavens this was a bad enough dilemma with children, let alone the next generation. I don't think I would have considered a partner sharing our childrens' rooms before they were 18 and then it be only with a significant other. I suppose because our grandchildren are 18 months and 5 the problem hasn't arisen, but I wouldn't want to deal with this quite honestly. Whilst we have them stay over now, I can't project myself far enough ahead to where this would arise and quite honestly I think possibly it's asking too much of a grandparent. It exemplifies the array of situations that the modern grandparent has to deal with these days, can't imagine putting in this sort of request of my grandparents shock I would go with what others have said, it's your house. Separate rooms

trisher Wed 02-Dec-15 18:15:33

Why not just talk to them about how you feel? In my experience young people today are much more sensitive and concerned than we ever were. If you explain to them that you find their relationship difficult to deal with they may well decide to have separate rooms out of respect for you. On the other hand you may find they are so mature about things that you agree to them sharing.

Riverwalk Wed 02-Dec-15 18:29:33

Springchicken just because their parents allow them to sleep together doesn't mean that you have to if it makes you uncomfortable - it's your house!

And they are very young to be treating them as an established couple.

At 16 they shouldn't expect Gran to be providing a double bed!

granjura Wed 02-Dec-15 18:31:49

Agreed Trisher- there are 16 year olds and 16 year olds. If they are mature and responsible - and they clearly sleep together at both parents' homes- then it just seems futile and even a bit non-sensical to keep them in separate bedrooms at yours. But it is your home, so your choice - but then don't be surprised if they dn't come and stay often.

Luckygirl Wed 02-Dec-15 18:43:37

We let our DDs sleep with their boyfriends at our home at the point when it became clear that these were serious stable relationships - the actual age at which this happened differed for each DD, depending on their maturity and the length of time that they had been in their relationships.

Can you speak to your own offspring (i.e. GS's parent) about what the policy is from their point of view and why; and ask what they think you should do? - with the proviso that, if you are not happy about it, the "your house your rules" rule should apply.

loopylou Wed 02-Dec-15 19:33:38

Nope, definitely not. They're under the age of consent for one thing and secondly if they stay with me then it's separate rooms.
Thank goodness DGS is only 2!

Dd did sleep with her boyfriend in our house but she was then 22.

chloe1984 Wed 02-Dec-15 20:06:55

No wouldn't happen I would just be too embarrassed in the morning.

Indinana Wed 02-Dec-15 20:22:47

Springchicken's grandson and girlfriend are 16, loopylou, and therefore most definitely not under the age of consent confused