Phone accident.

You're plainly right jingl

He does need parenting and that means showing him right from wrong and helping him understand how it works in the real world .

Not by fixing things for him in this instance . He chose not to insure his property -this is the consequence . Best he learns from people that love him because the real world can be a lot crueler than your Mum .

Thanks to all and I do understand where you are all coming from.

I have tried to give him the security he needs and has needed, gosh, home schooling for 4 years, going into schools to try to sort out severe bullying, being there for him when others aren't (his dad and his sister), trying to understand how he feels when he does talk, trying to get counselling for him only for him to lie to the counsellors. I can't keep taking him to water only for him not to drink. He has to start taking some responsibility on for himself or he will leave for university and it will hit him like a tonne of bricks, being with others who have learned what goes on in the real world. He has had everything he has ever wanted, materialistically, he's wanted for nothing but tells me I have done nothing and he has nothing.

I know young people may be different now but I left home at 21 years old to get married. I was working at 15 years old and was nursing at 18 years old. My son has never had a job, not even a paper round, he wont. He says he has applied for them online but won't get off his backside and go and look for one. He still expects handouts. His sister was working by his age, giving me keep and looking after her brother too while I worked. My son puts the bins out once a week - if he remembers. I am not a walking wallet. I had that with my daughter when she left home, always wanting me to fork out for this and that even though I was then on benefits, while her and her partner had full time jobs. One bitten, twice shy. I have to think for myself as my son says once he leaves he never wants to see me ever again. Now why should I put a claim on my insurance with someone who says that? Would I do it for anyone else or do I have to give all my soul just because I gave birth to an ungrateful grabbing taker who hates me, clearly.

I wouldn't have dared speak to my parents like he speaks to me and I had them taking chunks out of each other, literally, my mum was an alcoholic, my dad had an affair, my brother died at 12 hours old, my sister was born when I was 15, had heart surgery at 7 days old and nearly died, I looked after her because my mum wouldn't. God, he's had such a cushy life in comparison. Yes, his dad left. I wish mine had. I wish my mum had put us first and not alcohol or the guy she was knocking off! But no, appearances were more important to stay in our "own" home intead of council. To be going to bed every night with my fingers in my ears to blot out their rows, to be dragged downstairs and forced to listen to them, to have the door booted open at all hours to be included or for a fight with my mum because she had drank too much. To do all this while trying to keep schoolwork going and work too. God, how I would have loved to have had the peace my home has had because there isn't rows going on. I got away, I took them to a council house but at least they didn't have to see their dad headbutting their mum anymore and throttling her, which is what he did. Why doesn't my son think about how he should be grateful I have given him peace and somewhere quiet to study to do well in his life? Why doesn't he think that he doesn't and wouldn't want a man in his life who can headbutt his wife?
Why doesn't my son think anything of me at all when I have tried my bloody hardest against an extremely hard upbringing of my own? I just don't know. But I do know I have had enough of all of them and I need to recover and quickly before my health deteriorates too badly.

Or has the apple not fallen far from the tree?

My son has a mental health issue and could lose his temper very easily at 18. for some time I put up with this - thinking it would get better and I was helping him by being tolerant ... However, I worked out that he controlled his temper for others, just not for me. I waited for a 'calm after the storm moment ' when he had yet again screamed in my face, thrown something at me and thumped a door ... and then said that if he behaved like that again I would call the police. I told him it was abusive and I wouldn't have it under my roof. It didn't happen again.

Rubylady , I am so sorry for all that you have been through in your life , having an alchoholic Mum must be the worst thing that could happen to any child .
I would not claim mainly because it seems like he is subjecting you to emotional blackmail and using violence to get his own way ( smashing the door up) Is there anyone you could call on to help you with him?

If you do claim then what will be the next thing he wants you to claim for . For his sake just try to stand firm xxxx

Your last comment could be right, rubylady.

ruby you've been so strong so far, don't give in to this bullying anymore. There's a limit to everything.
Look after yourself, your health is important.

If my son or daughter asked me, not insisted, to make a claim in similar circumstances, I would find out from the company if there would be any cost to me, before deciding.
If they took the attitude your son has, tho, I would not make a claim and would explain to them why.

It seems the situation is much bigger than this one incident, tho, and your son is not taking responsibility for himself in any way.
You do not relish the prospect of him being hit by real life like a tonne of bricks, but that is probably just what he needs.

I would find out from the insurance company too, as FarNorth says.

He sounds a very very angry man. Was the counselling about his anger?
His anger needs to come out.
Boxing, and a punch bag at home comes to mind.

For some reason I think he loves you.
I dont think he would keep saying he doesnt otherwise. Does he blame himself for his dad leaving? Or you?

His dad left. He has been without the all important male role model, as well as the security that a loving dad brings. That is not his fault.

You can keep taking him to water Rublady. You have to. IMO.

Just a thought. If it is just the screen that got broken, it may be possible to get it repaired. If not, replace it for him, one way or another. That is actually the sort of practical love he needs right now. The rest of the good parenting psychobabble can go where it belongs. Out the window.

It's called tough love. The best thing you could do for him. Harder on you than him.
If he had shown remorse or apologised than you can rethink the situation. But I wouldn't rush into making everything better.

I'm still not convinced the damage was caused by 'tripping over'.

He wouldn't be the first teenager to deliberately break a phone in order to wangle an upgrade out of an exasperated parent.

I don't think it is ever helpful to think about our childhood and compare it with the lives of children today. Times change and the stresses of today are very different but possibly greater in some ways. You could do the tough love bit and cut him off, or you could go down the other route and do as he asks with the assertion that you are not doing this because he has shouted and raged but because you love him and you will always support and care for him. You have been hurt and damaged, he has been hurt and damaged, he is taking his hurt out on you. Is the cost of any insurance increase or the price of a mobile phone worth losing him for? I do think his actual age is a bit of a red herring, he sounds as if he is still going through adolescence and it will probably pay dividends to continue to support and love him.

Tough love is about care and support. It certainly isnt about cutting him off.

When my son was at university and during one of his holidays he got somewhat inebriated with some friends - went on the beach and played cricket with a piece of driftwood and pebbles as the ball. The inevitable happened and a large window was smashed in a seafront cafe. He stupidly gave a false name and address to the police. Anyway the upshot was that I eventually found out what had happened and I insisted that he contact the cafe and grovel and offer to pay for the replacement. He didn't exactly love me for the stance I took, but trooper along and did the right thing. The cafe owners accepted his apology, and said no cost as it has come out of the insurance. So all's well that ends well. A good lesson learned.

stiesthoughts.com/stiesthoughts/2014/5/7/55zvwekavna2c2md9q5j4ezya55j8q

This is a bit lengthy, but if the link works contains some clear thinking about surviving their teenage years

merlot that's crazy.

Sorry ww I think RL should make everything as better as she can. Poor kid is not a happy bunny. He's too young to handle it all. And I think he's got a lot to handle.

Perhaps treating him as an adult might help?

I can't comment on what the OP should do, but I seriously doubt the phone will be covered by household insurance.

I lost my phone and I was told it could not be covered, as my policy only coverered phones if specifically mentioned in the policy, which would have gone up in price accordingly.

I have since learnt this is normal.

rubylady, I know, from your previous posts, that this isn't an isolated, or even unpredictable, incident. You might have made a rod for your own back, to some extent, but that can't excuse your son's behaviour towards you and this is the time to put your foot firmly down and tell him that the 'bank of mum' has shut up shop, or he will continue to take you for granted.

And, I meant to add, look after your own health. If you don't nobody else will.

Phone providers would not sell insurance if anybody and everybody claimed on their house insurance. DH insists our very expensive house insurance is not for the accidental damage to smart phones and ipads.
DS has just had his electrics wiped out by a lightning strike and everything electrical in the house has to be replaced. There is also DS's astronomical equipment, in his observatory, the delicate computer controls fried.
I think you may have allowed your son to treat you in a less than respectful manner in the past and now he thinks he can call the shots. I am not sure that there is any easy answer to this.

Well I was married with a baby at 19. I had no guidance from my parents. My father was a violent alcoholic who made our lives a misery. No one pandered to my every whim. I had to look after myself. Despite everything I had to deal with, I would never have treated my parents they way ruby's son appears to treat her.